On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned, 'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your wife must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
SIMPLE TRUTH #1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH # 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations".
But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Moral of the story: Hard work is never appreciated.
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Ferrari than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the *******'s name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one,
when he was shot by the woman's husband.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him to f^&k off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?