So Long Suckers Corporate Email Goodbye
Until a couple of years ago I worked for a Fortune 500 high tech company. Can't say the name (although possibly they're based in San Jose and it wouldn't surprise me if their name rhymes with a popular brand of cooking oil).
Anyway, shortly before my own departure, this other guy whom I'd never met left the company and sent this farewell email to all 30,000+ employees. If you work in high tech, or for any megalomart corporation, you may get a kick out of it. This is the actual text. I just blanked out names. There's such a fine line between stupid and brilliant. :yes:
------ Forwarded Message
From: "***** ***** (****)" <****@****.com>
Date: Tue, 9 Nov 2010 07:05:28 -0600
To: ***** ******** <*****@*****.com>
Subject: FW: Goodbye
This was sent to the entire US mailer. Apparently HR/IT intercepted/recalled
most of them before a lot of folks got them. I got it forwarded. J
Read it. It is pretty bad, but it’s a shame that somebody that was here that long
and last year got an FY09 achiever award felt that way.
Sent: Monday, November 08, 2010 1:37 PM
To: *****-flame (mailer list)
Subject: Fwd: Goodbye
Now this is how you exit stage right....
From: ******* ********(*********)
Sent: Monday, November 08, 2010 12:59 PM
To: sales-fed (mailer list); sales-eng (mailer list); sales-mgrs (mailer list); us-all (mailer list)
Well it is finally my turn to be sooo arrogant that I send a goodbye message to a HUGE alias thinking like more than 2 of them give a crap…wheeeeeeeeeeeee
Also, after finishing reading this please “reply all” with your warmest wishes so once again the other 99.9% of the people who could care less about you or I and happen to be on this alias have to see how nice you are to my goodbye and maybe we can get a email spam thread going (reply all – please remove me from this list……reply all – STOP replying all….) that will crash *****’s servers. If nothing else, it always provides hilarity to the 40% of ***** that are still part of that saying on your badge “Quality Team”. Anyway, I am hoping it is 40%, I had my days especially the last 5 years or so, where I would see people like ***** ****** or *** ****** in place and think to myself…..nope we’ve gotten so big we are going for bottom 10% now.
On to the goodbye:
I have been at ***** for 16 years (6 days) </insert emotionally heartfelt goodbye, good feelings all around, and general good cheer here></end of bs>
And really enjoyed 15 of them, really worked 8, maybe 12 depending on your work ethic, of them, really believed in ***** for 7.5 of them, really had some good times, but most importantly really met some great all around people, that helped to offset the buttheads I had to put up with other times, really wished HR never invented PC crap so people could have continued to call idiots…idiots; ooops I digress, we have a bigger HR than payroll staff so we all know where ***** “cares” about.
Tuesday is my last day at *****. I can receive your emails to my personal account at: *****.*****@gmail.com or you can find me on facebook if you know me and have 2 brain cells to rub together.
If you don’t know me, too bad you missed out on a great guy (mwhahahahahaha), if you do know me, I’m sorry you had to put up with me, if you knew me before I hit my 10 year anniversary at ***** and prior to the HR and PC jerkwads sucking all the fun or putting the FU in fun however you want to look at it, then we probably had some good times and feel free to contact me.
Speaking of anniversaries, I would just like to take this moment to really thank ***** from the bottom of my heart for giving me 3 GIANT Marbles for 15 years of service, plus the huge plastic stand to go with them. You really let me know what I meant to the company with that one, and to whoever the nepotistic POS in HR is that got their uncle or cousin or whatever the monster paycheck for making giant balls for *****…..truly I wish you step in a pile of dog crap every day for a month!
With that goodbye, adieu, auvedersain….ok don’t know how to spell the rest of them. I’m out