This Horrific Sea Monster Was Caught In a River in New Jersey
Don't freak out or anything, residents of the Garden State, but this toothy water monster was allegedly plucked from the Raritan River (the one that goes through New Brunswick). Here's the good news: Doug Cutler, the man who speared this beast with a bow-and-arrow, did so two years ago. The picture started going viral when it was submitted to Reddit a few weeks ago. It's just a sea lamprey, a type of invasive parasite found in saltwater all up and down the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic. Fishermen rightfully hate them because they screw up ecosystems and latch on to indigenous freshwater fish such as trout or salmon. You probably don't want one to bite into you since lampreys are known for latching on and injecting poison into its prey.
That said, what makes this photo so terrifying is the monster's size. Don't let perception fool you: It's just smoke and mirrors from the camera angle, you guys.
Still, let those teeth haunt your dreams. When you're done, let's make jokes about what it REALLY looks like: