I need to fake an illness to get out of a New Years Eve event....ideas?

Fishooked · 12-27-2012, 10:40 PM

I need something rock-solid here, not just my usual 'I dont feel so good, smell the bathroom for yourself' kind of illness.

Every year its the same old drag at my wife's friends house, with a house full of kids that are hopped up on leftover sugar cookies and holiday desserts, and a bunch of adults that frankly I can't fake more than a couple hours worth of conversation topics with. One of us has to drive home and unfortunately I don't trust my wife so I usually take the sobriety bullet which exacerbates things.

Ideas?

2milehighJet · 12-27-2012, 10:45 PM

Ipecac.

DDNYjets · 12-27-2012, 10:45 PM

Concussion

crossfire · 12-27-2012, 11:03 PM

Butthurt

Fishooked · 12-27-2012, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crossfire

Butthurt

It's obvious I already have that

just need to come up with something convincing. Maybe I can pretend to take a fall off the roof or something...

JaxSuzy · 12-27-2012, 11:20 PM

Yep, I vote for concussion too

Wait, she's onto the bathroom trick?
what now what now ....
toothache!

southside · 12-27-2012, 11:41 PM

Anal Glaucoma.

Just tell your boss:
I can't see my ass coming to work today.

S/he will give you off just for the ingenuity.

You're welcome.

32green · 12-27-2012, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishooked

Ideas?

Intermittent Ebola©.

Leave specks of a blood like substance. Spend time in the can. COme out, do some pushups, go uh oh, and run back into the can spreading bloodlets.

It covers teh "you're cured one second after midnight" part.

-

crossfire · 12-27-2012, 11:53 PM

Jumping Frenchmen of Maine

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/j...chmen-of-maine

Jumping Frenchmen of Maine
Important
It is possible that the main title of the report Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is not the name you expected.

Disorder Subdivisions

None
General Discussion

Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is an extremely rare disorder characterized by an unusually extreme startle reaction. The startle reaction is a natural occurrence. It is the normal, rapid, involuntary response to a sudden or unexpected stimulus (e.g., a sudden noise or sight). The exact cause of jumping Frenchmen of Maine is unknown. One theory is that the disorder occurs because of an extreme conditioned response to a particular situation influenced by cultural factors. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine was first identified during the late nineteenth century in Maine and the Canadian province of Quebec among an isolated population of lumberjacks of French Canadian descent. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is one of a group of culturally specific similar disorders, the startle-matching syndromes, which have been described from various parts of the world. The relationship among these disorders is unknown.

nyahay bus · 12-28-2012, 12:00 AM

go skiing or air softing on sunday. It can't be that hard to hurt yourself. Go to the doctor and get some vicodine for your injury and you'll be too wacked out to go anywhere on Monday night.

Lone Star Lady · 12-28-2012, 12:19 AM

fake a migraine-like headache with dizziness -- you'll need to lie down and rest in quiet until it goes away -- probably sometime after the event starts and it's too late to go

dmitexxi · 12-28-2012, 12:23 AM

My son has a stomach virus, he's not puking just explosive diarrhea, I can send you a spoon to lick and just take some immodioum AD.

jetstream23 · 12-28-2012, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crossfire

Jumping Frenchmen of Maine

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/j...chmen-of-maine

Jumping Frenchmen of Maine
Important
It is possible that the main title of the report Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is not the name you expected.

Disorder Subdivisions

None
General Discussion

Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is an extremely rare disorder characterized by an unusually extreme startle reaction. The startle reaction is a natural occurrence. It is the normal, rapid, involuntary response to a sudden or unexpected stimulus (e.g., a sudden noise or sight). The exact cause of jumping Frenchmen of Maine is unknown. One theory is that the disorder occurs because of an extreme conditioned response to a particular situation influenced by cultural factors. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine was first identified during the late nineteenth century in Maine and the Canadian province of Quebec among an isolated population of lumberjacks of French Canadian descent. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is one of a group of culturally specific similar disorders, the startle-matching syndromes, which have been described from various parts of the world. The relationship among these disorders is unknown.

This!

No doubt about it.

Gotta go with this.

AlwaysGreenAlwaysWhite · 12-28-2012, 02:05 AM

I went paint balling the day before a friends wedding... Couldn't (well, could have but yeah...) get out of bed to make it. Used it twice since.

Good luck.

JaxSuzy · 12-28-2012, 02:44 AM

I change my vote to Jumping Frenchmen of Maine!

Big L · 12-28-2012, 06:19 AM

Try the corn in your penis routine.

Ask JT for the specifics.

frostlich · 12-28-2012, 07:05 AM

Try a dose if iocaine powder. I'd bet my life on it.

Batmans A Scientist · 12-28-2012, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostlich

Try a dose if iocaine powder. I'd bet my life on it.

What if he's spent years building up an immunity to that?

DDNYjets · 12-28-2012, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lone Star Lady

fake a migraine-like headache with dizziness -- you'll need to lie down and rest in quiet until it goes away -- probably sometime after the event starts and it's too late to go

Ahh, the old fake a headache trick. Causing blue balls for millennia.

PatriotReign · 12-28-2012, 08:11 AM

Tell her it's lasting longer than 4 hours and you don't have any baggy trousers.

12-27-2012, 10:40 PM	#1
Fishooked dealin' out shithands Hall Of Fame Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: teh interwebz Posts: 24,910	I need to fake an illness to get out of a New Years Eve event....ideas? I need something rock-solid here, not just my usual 'I dont feel so good, smell the bathroom for yourself' kind of illness. Every year its the same old drag at my wife's friends house, with a house full of kids that are hopped up on leftover sugar cookies and holiday desserts, and a bunch of adults that frankly I can't fake more than a couple hours worth of conversation topics with. One of us has to drive home and unfortunately I don't trust my wife so I usually take the sobriety bullet which exacerbates things. Ideas?

12-28-2012, 12:00 AM	#10
nyahay bus said it before: a dearth of playoff appearances in the next few years. Veteran Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 1,375	go skiing or air softing on sunday. It can't be that hard to hurt yourself. Go to the doctor and get some vicodine for your injury and you'll be too wacked out to go anywhere on Monday night. Last edited by nyahay bus; 12-28-2012 at 12:02 AM.

12-27-2012, 10:45 PM	#2
2milehighJet is not that high All League Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Breckenridge, CO Posts: 3,190	Ipecac.

12-27-2012, 10:45 PM	#3
DDNYjets Hall Of Fame Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: New York Posts: 12,579	Concussion

12-27-2012, 11:03 PM	#4
crossfire Day by day, night after night... Blinded by the neon light Jets Insider VIP Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 5,709	Butthurt

12-27-2012, 11:20 PM	#6
JaxSuzy WTF is going on up there?!? Rookie Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 551	Yep, I vote for concussion too Wait, she's onto the bathroom trick? what now what now .... toothache!

12-27-2012, 11:41 PM	#7
southside Forever Awesome All Pro Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 8,938	Anal Glaucoma. Just tell your boss: I can't see my ass coming to work today. S/he will give you off just for the ingenuity. You're welcome.

12-27-2012, 11:53 PM	#9
crossfire Day by day, night after night... Blinded by the neon light Jets Insider VIP Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 5,709	Jumping Frenchmen of Maine http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/j...chmen-of-maine Jumping Frenchmen of Maine Important It is possible that the main title of the report Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is not the name you expected. Disorder Subdivisions None General Discussion Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is an extremely rare disorder characterized by an unusually extreme startle reaction. The startle reaction is a natural occurrence. It is the normal, rapid, involuntary response to a sudden or unexpected stimulus (e.g., a sudden noise or sight). The exact cause of jumping Frenchmen of Maine is unknown. One theory is that the disorder occurs because of an extreme conditioned response to a particular situation influenced by cultural factors. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine was first identified during the late nineteenth century in Maine and the Canadian province of Quebec among an isolated population of lumberjacks of French Canadian descent. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is one of a group of culturally specific similar disorders, the startle-matching syndromes, which have been described from various parts of the world. The relationship among these disorders is unknown.

12-28-2012, 12:19 AM	#11
Lone Star Lady Veteran Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: TX via MA via CT Posts: 1,859	fake a migraine-like headache with dizziness -- you'll need to lie down and rest in quiet until it goes away -- probably sometime after the event starts and it's too late to go

12-28-2012, 12:23 AM	#12
dmitexxi RIP JF XXI Forever! Veteran Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Long Island Posts: 2,045	My son has a stomach virus, he's not puking just explosive diarrhea, I can send you a spoon to lick and just take some immodioum AD.

12-28-2012, 02:05 AM	#14
AlwaysGreenAlwaysWhite is all out of fuCks to give... All Pro Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 7,489	I went paint balling the day before a friends wedding... Couldn't (well, could have but yeah...) get out of bed to make it. Used it twice since. Good luck.

12-28-2012, 02:44 AM	#15
JaxSuzy WTF is going on up there?!? Rookie Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 551	I change my vote to Jumping Frenchmen of Maine!

12-28-2012, 06:19 AM	#16
Big L No post count, no peace! No post count, no peace! Veteran Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: It's all relative Posts: 1,191	Try the corn in your penis routine. Ask JT for the specifics.

12-28-2012, 07:05 AM	#17
frostlich Get it done Shidzik! All League Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 3,010	Try a dose if iocaine powder. I'd bet my life on it.

12-28-2012, 08:11 AM	#20
PatriotReign Asterisks of Excellence *** All League Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Boston area Posts: 4,356	Tell her it's lasting longer than 4 hours and you don't have any baggy trousers.