Greatest Standup Routines

[southside]

[Dimitri_0515]

Originally Posted by dmitexxi

I was young and my parents wouldn't let me see his standup but I remember setting up the cassette recorder when they would watch so I'd have the audio To listen too and trade stuff for it in school. Good memories

By far the best

Gooney goo goo, I thought I learned some new Spanish shlt. I went to my friend Sanchez, I said hey Sanchez Gooney goo goo. Sanchez said get the fukc outta here.

Lmao, good ol days.

[AlwaysGreenAlwaysWhite]

Originally Posted by Big L

Mitch Hedberg? Funny as hell. Mrs. Big L and I saw him open for Stephen Lynch. Mitch looked and sounded high as a kite. Mrs. Big L was never in to drugs, and she says to me "Is this guy high?".

Yup. That dude had the best delivery for his time...

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

[Fishooked]

The comedy specials from the 80s when HBO was 'new' I will always remember - George Carlin. Robin Williams, Bill Cosby, Steven Wright, Eddie Murphy, etc - I'll never forget those.

I still use a lot of those lines today.

i.e.

My shoe!!!

[JStokes]

Originally Posted by Fishooked

The comedy specials from the 80s when HBO was 'new' I will always remember - George Carlin. Robin Williams, Bill Cosby, Steven Wright, Eddie Murphy, etc - I'll never forget those.

I still use a lot of those lines today.

i.e.

My shoe!!!

I saw Bill Cosby live at Radio City probably back in the 80s. And he never cursed.

Except once.

He said he was at a college grad school party with a bunch of condescending dicks (he was older at the time) and he saw this young d-bag doing coke.

So he asked the student "why do you do coke?"

The youngster answered, in a really slow and snooty voice, "because it enhances your personality."

So Cosby asked him "what happens if you're an as$hole?"

Too true and so funny

_

[SCITSCAT]

Originally Posted by 124

Jim Jeffries on religion

[Joe W. Namath]

This guy used to get it:

[simijet]

Bob Nelson got a ton of mileage out of this standup performance from 1984. Starting at about the 1:50 mark, he had my buddies and me dying!

[Fishooked]

Originally Posted by JStokes

I saw Bill Cosby live at Radio City probably back in the 80s. And he never cursed.


_

That's the other thing that made his HBO special so great, he didn't need to.

[Apache 51]

Originally Posted by JStokes

I saw Bill Cosby live at Radio City probably back in the 80s. And he never cursed.

Except once.

He said he was at a college grad school party with a bunch of condescending dicks (he was older at the time) and he saw this young d-bag doing coke.

So he asked the student "why do you do coke?"

The youngster answered, in a really slow and snooty voice, "because it enhances your personality."

So Cosby asked him "what happens if you're an as$hole?"

Too true and so funny

_

That was the genius of Cosby and those like him it isn't easy to make people laugh without profanity.

[sect313]

Originally Posted by simijet

Bob Nelson got a ton of mileage out of this standup performance from 1984. Starting at about the 1:50 mark, he had my buddies and me dying!

taped this on vhs and use to watch it all the time. love it

[jetswin]

NSFW language

[sect313]

Originally Posted by Fishooked

That's the other thing that made his HBO special so great, he didn't need to.

[brady's a catcher]

Larry Miller, The 5 levels of drinking.

[jetswin]

Originally Posted by simijet

Bob Nelson got a ton of mileage out of this standup performance from 1984. Starting at about the 1:50 mark, he had my buddies and me dying!

this guy was a riot, I saw him open for Rodney on Broadway right around that time...btw, that's what my first football helmet looked like

[escamoter2]

Originally Posted by southside

Well said.

[southside]

[crossfire]

Originally Posted by JStokes

One of my favorite shows ever.

I watched that with my Dad and he almost crapped his pants laughing at the Andrew Dice Clay routine. Old Mother Cupboard lived in a shoe, she had some many kids...her uterous fell out.

I loved that show--Clay, Irrera and Schimmel were great.

Btw, my brother dated Carol Leifer in High School, took her to the senior prom. She had big cans.

_

Schimmel's joke about the anal beads kills me every time.

[southside]

http://www.youtube.com/embed/HoxpKuOYtPI

[DDNYjets]

Originally Posted by BushyTheBeaver

Richard Pryor on the mafia.

This was brilliant.