getting a divorce b^tches!!!!

[crossfire]

Originally Posted by Fishooked

After reading all of these posts frankly I'm more depressed than ever.

Now I understand the whole 'stay together for the kids' logic.


So let me ask you guys that ended up getting separated/divorced - where did you guys end up living once it was all agreed upon?
Stay at a friends? End up renting a crappy apartment in a place like Bachelor Arms Apartments?

I was staying Monday through Friday in a dorm at college and coming home only on weekends. We started discussing divorce seriously in January and legally separated in early June.

We were young and still living in an apartment. She wanted to move out, so I kept the apartment and was fortunate enough to get a good friend of mine to share it with me. It worked for him because he had no roommate Monday through Friday and for me because we split the rent.

In a way, it was fortunate that we were broke and I made no money. I gave her everything. Told her I just wanted one of the tv's and she could have everything else.

I decided not to fight her for our son because I still had another semester of college and living in a dorm meant that I couldn't have him live with me anyway.

As for the 'stay together for the kids' logic, I didn't buy into it because:

1) You end up fighting in front of the kids, which isn't good for them.

2) You are just putting off the inevitable.

3) Life is too short to be married to somebody for the sake of the kids.

Your kids are probably better off if you are happily divorced than if you are miserably married.

One thing my ex and I spoke about before the separation and ultimate divorce was that it wasn't about us, it was about our son. If you can keep focused on that, it helps.

But I highly doubt it doesn't get ugly at some point.

[PlumberKhan]

Originally Posted by Fishooked

So let me ask you guys that ended up getting separated/divorced - where did you guys end up living once it was all agreed upon?
Stay at a friends? End up renting a crappy apartment in a place like Bachelor Arms Apartments?

I stayed put. She moved out (she hated the house anyway)...I paid for her deposit, 6 mos. rent and helped her move.

[dmitexxi]

Originally Posted by crossfire

Yeah, be careful with this one. Until you have a legal separation, you are "legally" married. And in this day and age of camera phones, you could get bagged without even knowing it.

Having an amicable divorce sounds great in theory. But the reality is that it becomes much more emotional as it progresses. Guilt, sadness and anger will likely rear their heads to a degree at some point.

Don't give the ammo to use against you.

This

[Fishooked]

Originally Posted by PlumberKhan

I stayed put. She moved out (she hated the house anyway)...I paid for her deposit, 6 mos. rent and helped her move.

As much as she hates this house, not really an option as she works from home. Since it's Monday, Im really not in the right frame of mind to even be discussing this. These days are just brimming with despair.

[dmitexxi]

Originally Posted by crossfire

I was staying Monday through Friday in a dorm at college and coming home only on weekends. We started discussing divorce seriously in January and legally separated in early June.

We were young and still living in an apartment. She wanted to move out, so I kept the apartment and was fortunate enough to get a good friend of mine to share it with me. It worked for him because he had no roommate Monday through Friday and for me because we split the rent.

In a way, it was fortunate that we were broke and I made no money. I gave her everything. Told her I just wanted one of the tv's and she could have everything else.

I decided not to fight her for our son because I still had another semester of college and living in a dorm meant that I couldn't have him live with me anyway.

As for the 'stay together for the kids' logic, I didn't buy into it because:

1) You end up fighting in front of the kids, which isn't good for them.

2) You are just putting off the inevitable.

3) Life is too short to be married to somebody for the sake of the kids.

Your kids are probably better off if you are happily divorced than if you are miserably married.

One thing my ex and I spoke about before the separation and ultimate divorce was that it wasn't about us, it was about our son. If you can keep focused on that, it helps.

But I highly doubt it doesn't get ugly at some point.

This has been my dilemma this past year "staying for the kids" but realized in long term it's bad for terrible for them. No way in a million years would I want them emulating our marriage.

[brady's a catcher]

Originally Posted by Fishooked

After reading all of these posts frankly I'm more depressed than ever.

Now I understand the whole 'stay together for the kids' logic.


So let me ask you guys that ended up getting separated/divorced - where did you guys end up living once it was all agreed upon?
Stay at a friends? End up renting a crappy apartment in a place like Bachelor Arms Apartments?

My ex-wife had a "I'm 30 and not a rock star but I think i should be I need to find myself" meltdown and left. I said, "for realz?".

House was in my name, we both worked but I paid most of the bills, she regretted it weeks later, I felt that ship had sailed, sold the house and moved to DC (from Rhody) where my best friend from HS and his family lived, eventually got a job, lol, made some awesome friends, met my current (and last!) wife and soon to be baby mama a few months later.

Not much has worked out for my ex, her life has been been pretty crappy since and I have a lot of sympathy. She's a really good person, just so so much with the decision making.

My wife ain't perfect, she's nuts like all women, but she's pretty rad overall, no question.

[GreenSpleen]

Been there done that. Here is my advice.

1) Hire a female attorney

2) Keep your kids and your new love life seperate

3) Put your kids first. That means spend as much of your free time with them as possible.

[Snell41]

Originally Posted by crossfire

Yeah, be careful with this one. Until you have a legal separation, you are "legally" married. And in this day and age of camera phones, you could get bagged without even knowing it.

Having an amicable divorce sounds great in theory. But the reality is that it becomes much more emotional as it progresses. Guilt, sadness and anger will likely rear their heads to a degree at some point.

Don't give the ammo to use against you.

Not sure what state he's in, but one good thing about NJ is it is a "no fault" state, meaning WHY you are getting divorced really doesn't matter to the state. The bad side of this is NJ just assumes that the man is doing all these things and has a standard to give the children to the mother no matter what the situation is, even if she's actually the crackhead abusive parent and the father is the pope himself.

[neevsmazda07]

Originally Posted by crossfire

Yeah, be careful with this one. Until you have a legal separation, you are "legally" married. And in this day and age of camera phones, you could get bagged without even knowing it.

Having an amicable divorce sounds great in theory. But the reality is that it becomes much more emotional as it progresses. Guilt, sadness and anger will likely rear their heads to a degree at some point.

Don't give the ammo to use against you.

noted my friend thank you. just wanted to have a mental release i suppose....

[neevsmazda07]

Originally Posted by Snell41

Not sure what state he's in, but one good thing about NJ is it is a "no fault" state, meaning WHY you are getting divorced really doesn't matter to the state. The bad side of this is NJ just assumes that the man is doing all these things and has a standard to give the children to the mother no matter what the situation is, even if she's actually the crackhead abusive parent and the father is the pope himself.

i currently live in florida

[32green]

Originally Posted by GreenSpleen

Been there done that. Here is my advice.

1) Hire a female attorney

Lol..great advice. My bro in law did that and she was a pitbull with his crazy wife during the negotiations. Every time she started with some bull, this chick lit her up in a way a dude couldnt.

[Jordy]

Originally Posted by 32green

Ooooooooh.

She is deciding how much you provide as she goes along?

Good luck with that.



Dont know your relationship but I dont like the sound of that at all.


Establishing up front what she will get and when, through the courts, then letting her budget it... will make things so much easier through the years.


-

+1

She can come after you for child support at any time. Years down the road. Even after your kids have reached majority. I would recommend talking to a lawyer about this. You can't base anything on how she's acting today. That could change at any time.

There's too many potential issues at play here to do this without a lawyer IMO.

[Beerfish]

I've never been married. At this point in time I am afraid of the horror stories and I am so used to doing what ever the f*** I want when I want that I would not be good at making the compromises that are necessary for a long term relationship.

[neevsmazda07]

Originally Posted by Beerfish

I've never been married. At this point in time I am afraid of the horror stories and I am so used to doing what ever the f*** I want when I want that I would not be good at making the compromises that are necessary for a long term relationship.

you are ahead of the game already brother. dont let nobody tell you different...

[crossfire]

Originally Posted by GreenSpleen

Been there done that. Here is my advice.

1) Hire a female attorney

2) Keep your kids and your new love life seperate

3) Put your kids first. That means spend as much of your free time with them as possible.

All three are excellent advice. I also had a female divorce lawyer. When a man asks a woman touh questions, he looks like a doosh. But when a woman does, it just seems less harsh.

After my divorce, I was single for 12 years and dated a lot. My son met two of them. One just dropped by to see me and said hello and good bye quickly as she knew the rules. The second one was my wife.

The last one is the best advice of the three. Your kids will be in pain from the divorce and they are the innocent victims. You and your future ex should make a deal to never talk badly about the other one. You may get along fine now but that could easily change. Remember, your ex is the mother of your children. And nobody wants to hear their mother or father get trashed by anyone... Including the other parent.

[crossfire]

Originally Posted by Beerfish

I've never been married. At this point in time I am afraid of the horror stories and I am so used to doing what ever the f*** I want when I want that I would not be good at making the compromises that are necessary for a long term relationship.

Divorce sucks but there's nothing quite like a great marriage. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Having kids is the icing on the cake.

Life is full of failure. You can never be afraid of to love something because you may end up disappointed.

I mean you are a f***ing Jets fan, aren't you?

[Fishooked]

Originally Posted by crossfire

Divorce sucks but there's nothing quite like a great marriage. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Having kids is the icing on the cake.

Life is full of failure. You can never be afraid of to love something because you may end up disappointed.

I mean you are a f***ing Jets fan, aren't you?

Further accentuates the fact that I suck at making good decisions.

[Fishooked]

[crossfire]

[Snell41]

Originally Posted by dmitexxi

This has been my dilemma this past year "staying for the kids" but realized in long term it's bad for terrible for them. No way in a million years would I want them emulating our marriage.

You owe it to your children as a man to demonstrate by example what it means to be happy with yourself. I also think we owe it to our children to show them what it means to find a partner that you are truly happy with. If that person is or can be the children's mother, then you do everything you can to stay with her and make it work. If you don't then you need to move on. Staying home with a woman you do not love or respect (or vice versa) just for the "sake of the children" will just set a horrible example of what a relationship/marriage is and they will be doomed to make the same mistakes.