why the Jets suck - Jets Insider.com Forums

Monsterxman · 08-29-2012, 12:30 PM

http://deadspin.com/5938121/why-your...-new-york-jets

This is pretty much dead on until the Jets prove otherwise.

Monsterxman · 08-29-2012, 12:32 PM

Why Your Team Sucks 2012: New York Jets
Drew Magary View ProfileEmailTwitterRSSSome people are fans of the New York Jets. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New York Jets. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here.

1. Behold the terrifying visage of the Sanchbow. Whenever I think of the Jets' quarterback situation, I remember the old quote from Dennis Miller (back when Dennis Miller was funny): "Hey folks, two of **** is ****. If they really wanna **** you, they'll give you three of these things." If you woke up a coma patient who had been asleep for the past four years, plunked him down in front of the TV, and had him watch footage of Mark Sanchez, this would be the ensuing conversation:

COMA GUY: Hey, he looks OK for a rookie.

YOU: No, no. This is his fourth year in the league.

COMA GUY: **** off, really? OW MY BED SORES

Mark Sanchez making the AFC title game in his first two years is akin to you letting your kids win at Connect Four twice in a row. It's really cute to watch, but then it's finally time to DROP THE HAMMER. He's not a real quarterback. He'd be awesome at being an actor PLAYING a quarterback, but as an actual quarterback, he looks like a boy among men.
Unless you're comparing him with the quarterback who'll end up replacing him four weeks into the season. I mean, honestly, look at this ****ing guy try to throw a football.

Full size
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Every time Tim Tebow throws the ball, it looks like a fake punt. Tim Tebow is the guy you put in at QB after the three quarterbacks on your roster have all had their legs broken. He's the long snapper you turn to only because the punter is hiding under the bench somewhere. The Broncos got back into the playoffs last season thanks to a nasty defense, a great offensive line, and a coaching staff that was smart enough to minimize Tebow's straight dropbacks. And yet, any time he won a game, five million Promise Keepers would show up online to be like GOD IS TALKING THROUGH TIM TEBOW'S RUGGED BEARD STUBBLE or something horrible like that.

Tim Tebow isn't a quarterback. He's a sideshow. He's a cheesy traveling big-tent revival that whips the locals into a gibbering frenzy before he blows town with all the money and all the blonde virgins. This is the year that Tebow's game breaks down completely; by spring he will be welcomed with open arms by ESPN to be a College Gameday analyst. It's what Jesus wants. For real. If Jesus watches Tebow overthrow another out route, He'll tear His hair out.

2. They're so, so ****ed. It says a lot about the Jets as an organization when they import both Tim Tebow and Tony Sparano to implement the Wildcat offense, an offense that the rest of the NFL solved FOUR ****ING YEARS AGO. This organization has no earthly idea what it's doing. Woody Johnson will just throw any ****ty idea at the wall and go with it if he thinks he can get on the back page of the Post by doing it. You can smell the desperation as they attempt, in vain, to match the prestige and success of the Giants. It's pathetic. The Jets are the Redskins of the AFC.

I've never seen a team whose implosion could so clearly be foreseen going into the season. Do you have any faith that the Jets will un**** themselves this season? Of course you don't. At KSK, we spent the last three years or so making Rex Ryan into our own private folk hero, but even I know his time is up. For two years, Ryan walked a fine line between genius motivator and circus clown, and last year he tripped over that line and foot****ed his way into losing the team for good. There's no getting the team back. Sanchez hates him. Santonio Holmes, who is worthless, has no respect for him. The front office will surely undermine him at some point and force him to start Tebow after a slow start. He isn't gonna last past Week 12, and that will be a sad day for us all. No more steaks and blowjobs after that. I hope he steals Jon Gruden's job.

Drew Magary writes for Deadspin and Gawker. He's also a correspondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter @drewmagary and email him at drew@deadspin.com.3. LaRon Landry AHAHAHAHA. LaRon Landry has really big arms, which totally make him look awesome any time he whiffs on a hit or lets a receiver get 20 yards behind him.

4. "Show us your tits!" Jets fans are the kind of dumb**** Long Island steakheads who take special pride in being dumb**** Long Island steakheads. When a Jets fan is screaming at your wife to take her top off in front of everyone on the stadium concourse, he is exhibiting a bizarre kind of cultural pride. Jets fans LIKE being the kind of people that menace women, scream racial epithets at nearby Mexicans, and get kicked out of bars for pissing on the jukebox. They're fully aware of just how awful they are, and they take great pleasure in it. They're horrible. I hope every Jets fan loses his day job making sandwiches.

JetPotato · 08-29-2012, 12:38 PM

I like low expectations.

Gotta go. Back to making sandwiches.

Dimitri_0515 · 08-29-2012, 12:39 PM

bjetsb · 08-29-2012, 12:40 PM

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2012/

southparkcpa · 08-29-2012, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monsterxman

http://deadspin.com/5938121/why-your...-new-york-jets

This is pretty much dead on until the Jets prove otherwise.

That may be the dumbest article I have ever read...

making a thread out of it????

bman · 08-29-2012, 12:42 PM

No Tough guys on offense...Any chance Cotchery gets cut?

Bob Crable · 08-29-2012, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monsterxman

http://deadspin.com/5938121/why-your...-new-york-jets

This is pretty much dead on until the Jets prove otherwise.

You know you suck as a poster when you start a new thread with a lame article that was posted in the Hampur yesterday.

10PennyToColes87 · 08-29-2012, 12:44 PM

dump

Monsterxman · 08-29-2012, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bob Crable

You know you suck as a poster when you start a new thread with a lame article that was posted in the Hampur yesterday.

My posting was obviously over your head...
Go back to the hampur, newb.... stupidity has no place here.

Bob Crable · 08-29-2012, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monsterxman

My posting was obviously over your head...
Go back to the hampur, newb.... stupidity has no place here.

Nice attempt at a recovery.

Jordy · 08-29-2012, 01:00 PM

stanner · 08-29-2012, 01:02 PM

tongue in cheek (kinda).

there's one for every team. living in Mass, I got a particular kick out of the patriot's one.

EM31 · 08-29-2012, 01:04 PM

Monsterxman may be top ten.

Just sayin'

ASH_1962 · 08-29-2012, 01:11 PM

He said something in that article that almost made me pee myself:

"Every time Tim Tebow throws the ball, it looks like a fake punt."

Not only is this 100% true, but really funny. Take this for what it is worth.

Jordy · 08-29-2012, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASH_1962

He said something in that article that almost made me pee myself:

"Every time Tim Tebow throws the ball, it looks like a fake punt."

Not only is this 100% true, but really funny. Take this for what it is worth.

You're a guy right?

murphklecko73 · 08-29-2012, 01:19 PM

Sorry.... i had to dump it.... what a waste of time

10PennyToColes87 · 08-29-2012, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASH_1962

He said something in that article that almost made me pee myself:

"Every time Tim Tebow throws the ball, it looks like a fake punt."

Not only is this 100% true, but really funny. Take this for what it is worth.

It's really not that funny.

jets31 · 08-29-2012, 01:35 PM

please you know the 6-1-5 is going to strike fear in defenses across the league this season.

Jordy · 08-29-2012, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by murphklecko73

Sorry.... i had to dump it.... what a waste of time

Solid 2,513th post.

heh heh.

Seriously though, thank you!

08-29-2012, 12:30 PM	#1
Monsterxman supercalifragilisticexpialidocious All League Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 4,065	why the Jets suck http://deadspin.com/5938121/why-your...-new-york-jets This is pretty much dead on until the Jets prove otherwise.

08-29-2012, 12:32 PM	#2
Monsterxman supercalifragilisticexpialidocious All League Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 4,065	Why Your Team Sucks 2012: New York Jets Drew Magary View ProfileEmailTwitterRSSSome people are fans of the New York Jets. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New York Jets. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here. 1. Behold the terrifying visage of the Sanchbow. Whenever I think of the Jets' quarterback situation, I remember the old quote from Dennis Miller (back when Dennis Miller was funny): "Hey folks, two of ** is . If they really wanna you, they'll give you three of these things." If you woke up a coma patient who had been asleep for the past four years, plunked him down in front of the TV, and had him watch footage of Mark Sanchez, this would be the ensuing conversation: COMA GUY: Hey, he looks OK for a rookie. YOU: No, no. This is his fourth year in the league. COMA GUY: off, really? OW MY BED SORES Mark Sanchez making the AFC title game in his first two years is akin to you letting your kids win at Connect Four twice in a row. It's really cute to watch, but then it's finally time to DROP THE HAMMER. He's not a real quarterback. He'd be awesome at being an actor PLAYING a quarterback, but as an actual quarterback, he looks like a boy among men. Unless you're comparing him with the quarterback who'll end up replacing him four weeks into the season. I mean, honestly, look at this ing guy try to throw a football. Full size I've said it before and I'll say it again: Every time Tim Tebow throws the ball, it looks like a fake punt. Tim Tebow is the guy you put in at QB after the three quarterbacks on your roster have all had their legs broken. He's the long snapper you turn to only because the punter is hiding under the bench somewhere. The Broncos got back into the playoffs last season thanks to a nasty defense, a great offensive line, and a coaching staff that was smart enough to minimize Tebow's straight dropbacks. And yet, any time he won a game, five million Promise Keepers would show up online to be like GOD IS TALKING THROUGH TIM TEBOW'S RUGGED BEARD STUBBLE or something horrible like that. Tim Tebow isn't a quarterback. He's a sideshow. He's a cheesy traveling big-tent revival that whips the locals into a gibbering frenzy before he blows town with all the money and all the blonde virgins. This is the year that Tebow's game breaks down completely; by spring he will be welcomed with open arms by ESPN to be a College Gameday analyst. It's what Jesus wants. For real. If Jesus watches Tebow overthrow another out route, He'll tear His hair out. 2. They're so, so ed. It says a lot about the Jets as an organization when they import both Tim Tebow and Tony Sparano to implement the Wildcat offense, an offense that the rest of the NFL solved FOUR ING YEARS AGO. This organization has no earthly idea what it's doing. Woody Johnson will just throw any ty idea at the wall and go with it if he thinks he can get on the back page of the Post by doing it. You can smell the desperation as they attempt, in vain, to match the prestige and success of the Giants. It's pathetic. The Jets are the Redskins of the AFC. I've never seen a team whose implosion could so clearly be foreseen going into the season. Do you have any faith that the Jets will un themselves this season? Of course you don't. At KSK, we spent the last three years or so making Rex Ryan into our own private folk hero, but even I know his time is up. For two years, Ryan walked a fine line between genius motivator and circus clown, and last year he tripped over that line and footed his way into losing the team for good. There's no getting the team back. Sanchez hates him. Santonio Holmes, who is worthless, has no respect for him. The front office will surely undermine him at some point and force him to start Tebow after a slow start. He isn't gonna last past Week 12, and that will be a sad day for us all. No more steaks and blowjobs after that. I hope he steals Jon Gruden's job. Drew Magary writes for Deadspin and Gawker. He's also a correspondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter @drewmagary and email him at drew@deadspin.com.3. LaRon Landry AHAHAHAHA. LaRon Landry has really big arms, which totally make him look awesome any time he whiffs on a hit or lets a receiver get 20 yards behind him. 4. "Show us your tits!" Jets fans are the kind of dumb Long Island steakheads who take special pride in being dumb** Long Island steakheads. When a Jets fan is screaming at your wife to take her top off in front of everyone on the stadium concourse, he is exhibiting a bizarre kind of cultural pride. Jets fans LIKE being the kind of people that menace women, scream racial epithets at nearby Mexicans, and get kicked out of bars for pissing on the jukebox. They're fully aware of just how awful they are, and they take great pleasure in it. They're horrible. I hope every Jets fan loses his day job making sandwiches.

08-29-2012, 12:38 PM	#3
JetPotato fermenting Hall Of Fame Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: New York, NY Posts: 12,142	I like low expectations. Gotta go. Back to making sandwiches.

08-29-2012, 12:39 PM	#4
Dimitri_0515 Banned Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 11,182

08-29-2012, 12:40 PM	#5
bjetsb Undrafted Free Agent Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 105	http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2012/

08-29-2012, 12:42 PM	#7
bman All League Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 4,936	No Tough guys on offense...Any chance Cotchery gets cut?

08-29-2012, 12:44 PM	#9
10PennyToColes87 Hall Of Fame Join Date: May 2005 Location: SoFla Posts: 15,381	dump

08-29-2012, 01:00 PM	#12
Jordy Keeping it real... Banned Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Tårnby, Denmark Posts: 23,145

08-29-2012, 01:02 PM	#13
stanner All League Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Cape Cod, MA Posts: 2,812	tongue in cheek (kinda). there's one for every team. living in Mass, I got a particular kick out of the patriot's one.

08-29-2012, 01:04 PM	#14
EM31 All Pro Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Oceanside, Long Island Posts: 9,169	Monsterxman may be top ten. Just sayin'

08-29-2012, 01:11 PM	#15
ASH_1962 Curtis Martin Class of 2012 All League Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 3,509	He said something in that article that almost made me pee myself: "Every time Tim Tebow throws the ball, it looks like a fake punt." Not only is this 100% true, but really funny. Take this for what it is worth.

08-29-2012, 01:19 PM	#17
murphklecko73 Praying for a win Board Moderator Jets Insider VIP Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Troop 16H MEMBER Posts: 2,511	Sorry.... i had to dump it.... what a waste of time

08-29-2012, 01:35 PM	#19
jets31 ready to NARFLE THE GARTHOK! Veteran Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ithaca, NY Posts: 1,880	please you know the 6-1-5 is going to strike fear in defenses across the league this season.