Florida Man Gets Busy with a Donkey - Page 2 - Jets Insider.com Forums

Jets Things · 09-21-2012, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 32green

He tried to, but the vacuum suction ripped his b*lls off.

Heard he had to chase it for two miles.

-

Well that's just weird.

crossfire · 09-21-2012, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 32green

He tried to, but the vacuum suction ripped his b*lls off.

Heard he had to chase it for two miles.

-

I hate when that happens.

Porgyman · 09-21-2012, 10:47 AM

From the article...

When police interviewed Romero, he allegedly told them he had used his fingers to clean the animal’s genitals and generally becomes aroused seeing animals in heat. The sexual contact, he allegedly told police, was an accident.

But police said he also admitted to masturbating with the animal five or six times and called Florida “backwards” because people frown on zoophilia.

Does he sniff his fingers after these encounters? Does a donkey emit a "fishy" odor?

Gangrene · 09-21-2012, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 32green

He tried to, but the vacuum suction ripped his b*lls off.

Heard he had to chase it for two miles.

-

Reminds me of David Sedaris talking about the "StadiumPal"

"Unlike a regular catheter, which is inserted directly into the penis, the Stadium Pal connects by way of a self-adhesive condom, which is then attached to a flexible plastic tube. Urine flows through the tube and collects in the “Freedom Leg Bag,” conveniently strapped to the user’s calf. The bag can be emptied and reused up to twelve times, making it both disgusting and cost-effective. Was it discreet? According to the brochure, unless you wore it with shorts, no one needed to know anything about it. Was it practical? At the time, yes. I don’t drive or attend football games, but I did have a book tour coming up, and the possibilities were endless. Five glasses of iced tea followed by a long public reading? Thanks, Stadium Pal. The window seat on an overbooked cross-country flight? Don’t mind if I do!

I ordered myself a Stadium Pal and soon realized that, while it might make sense in a hospital, it really wasn’t very practical for day-to-day use. In an open-air sporting arena, a piping-hot thirty-four-ounce bag of urine might go unnoticed, but not so in a stuffy airplane or a small, crowded bookstore. An hour after christening it, I smelled like a nursing home. On top of that, I found that it was hard to pee and do other things at the same time. Reading out loud, discussing my dinner options with the flight attendant, checking into a fine hotel: Each activity required its own separate form of concentration, and while no one knew exactly what I was up to, it was pretty clear that something was going on. I think it was my face that gave me away. That and my oddly swollen calf.

What ultimately did me in was the self-adhesive condom. Putting it on was no problem, but its removal qualified as what, in certain cultures, is known as a bris. Wear it once and you’ll need a solid month in order to fully recover. It will likely be a month in which you’ll weigh the relative freedom of peeing in your pants against the unsightly discomfort of a scab-covered penis, ultimately realizing that, in terms of a convenient accessory, you’re better off with a new watchband."

~

frostlich · 09-21-2012, 11:32 AM

Rhinestone Cowboy? Not quite.

He's been ploughin' the fields all day
Walkin' behind that bay
And he thinks to himself from behind she's a good lookin' horse!

So he's pulled back under a tree
And he waits for the horse takes a pee
And he lifts up its tail and makes sure that it's a she

And he sees this huge vagina
And he thinks what could be finer
So its down with the reigns
And down with the overalls too

He's a well hung ploughboy
Sneakin' up on his horse
And having intercourse
He's a well hung ploughboy
And the smile on his horse
Cos it feels no remorse

When he comes home for supper
His wife says 'You're a horse ****er!'
'I've been to see a lawyer just today'
'And I want a divorce'
Why?
'Because you ****ed that horse'
'I've been down the field watchin' you all day'
You were up behind that horse
You were pumping with great force
The horse don't mind the pain
As he hangs on to it's mane
And he just stand still and says
'Giddup! Move back!' x7

He's a well hung ploughboy
Sneakin' up on his horse
And having intercourse
He's a well hung plough boy.

Fishooked · 09-21-2012, 11:55 AM

I sure picked the wrong thread to read during lunch.

Gangrene · 09-21-2012, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostlich

Rhinestone Cowboy? Not quite.

He's been ploughin' the fields all day
Walkin' behind that bay
And he thinks to himself from behind she's a good lookin' horse!

So he's pulled back under a tree
And he waits for the horse takes a pee
And he lifts up its tail and makes sure that it's a she

And he sees this huge vagina
And he thinks what could be finer
So its down with the reigns
And down with the overalls too

He's a well hung ploughboy
Sneakin' up on his horse
And having intercourse
He's a well hung ploughboy
And the smile on his horse
Cos it feels no remorse

When he comes home for supper
His wife says 'You're a horse ****er!'
'I've been to see a lawyer just today'
'And I want a divorce'
Why?
'Because you ****ed that horse'
'I've been down the field watchin' you all day'
You were up behind that horse
You were pumping with great force
The horse don't mind the pain
As he hangs on to it's mane
And he just stand still and says
'Giddup! Move back!' x7

He's a well hung ploughboy
Sneakin' up on his horse
And having intercourse
He's a well hung plough boy.

You may need to do a recording of this fine ditty and post online for the Hampur ...

BushyTheBeaver · 09-21-2012, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gangrene

Reminds me of David Sedaris talking about the "StadiumPal"

"Unlike a regular catheter, which is inserted directly into the penis, the Stadium Pal connects by way of a self-adhesive condom, which is then attached to a flexible plastic tube. Urine flows through the tube and collects in the “Freedom Leg Bag,” conveniently strapped to the user’s calf. The bag can be emptied and reused up to twelve times, making it both disgusting and cost-effective. Was it discreet? According to the brochure, unless you wore it with shorts, no one needed to know anything about it. Was it practical? At the time, yes. I don’t drive or attend football games, but I did have a book tour coming up, and the possibilities were endless. Five glasses of iced tea followed by a long public reading? Thanks, Stadium Pal. The window seat on an overbooked cross-country flight? Don’t mind if I do!

I ordered myself a Stadium Pal and soon realized that, while it might make sense in a hospital, it really wasn’t very practical for day-to-day use. In an open-air sporting arena, a piping-hot thirty-four-ounce bag of urine might go unnoticed, but not so in a stuffy airplane or a small, crowded bookstore. An hour after christening it, I smelled like a nursing home. On top of that, I found that it was hard to pee and do other things at the same time. Reading out loud, discussing my dinner options with the flight attendant, checking into a fine hotel: Each activity required its own separate form of concentration, and while no one knew exactly what I was up to, it was pretty clear that something was going on. I think it was my face that gave me away. That and my oddly swollen calf.

What ultimately did me in was the self-adhesive condom. Putting it on was no problem, but its removal qualified as what, in certain cultures, is known as a bris. Wear it once and you’ll need a solid month in order to fully recover. It will likely be a month in which you’ll weigh the relative freedom of peeing in your pants against the unsightly discomfort of a scab-covered penis, ultimately realizing that, in terms of a convenient accessory, you’re better off with a new watchband."

~

That is friggen awesome. What a writer.

32green · 09-21-2012, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishooked

I sure picked the wrong thread to read during lunch.

FLorida man gets busy with a Donkey dint tip you off?

-

Dirtstar · 09-21-2012, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 32green

He tried to, but the vacuum suction ripped his b*lls off.

-

you laugh.

but teh vacuum, it exists

disclaimer: the above statement has nothing to do with dongheys. POSSIBLY.

Fishooked · 09-21-2012, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 32green

FLorida man gets busy with a Donkey dint tip you off?

-

I thought maybe he was plowing his fields. But that isn't what he was plowing.

32green · 09-21-2012, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirtstar

you laugh.

but teh vacuum, it exists

disclaimer: the above statement has nothing to do with dongheys. POSSIBLY.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishooked

I thought maybe he was plowing his fields. But that isn't what he was plowing.

Lmao

-

Fishooked · 09-21-2012, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirtstar

dongheys.

Im going to insult someone using that word today.

quantum · 09-21-2012, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porgyman

and called Florida “backwards” because people frown on zoophilia.

yes - the problem is with everyone else.

crossfire: pls make a demotivational poster with the caption "ass****ing - you're doing it wrong!"

Fishooked · 09-21-2012, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quantum

yes - the problem is with everyone else.

crossfire: pls make a demotivational poster with the caption "ass****ing - you're doing it wrong!"

ha ha ha....well played,

crossfire · 09-21-2012, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quantum

yes - the problem is with everyone else.

crossfire: pls make a demotivational poster with the caption "ass****ing - you're doing it wrong!"

Jets Things · 09-21-2012, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crossfire

Ew!

32green · 09-21-2012, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crossfire

AHHHHHHH

HAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAH

09-21-2012, 10:47 AM	#23
Porgyman Practice Squad Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 268	From the article... When police interviewed Romero, he allegedly told them he had used his fingers to clean the animal’s genitals and generally becomes aroused seeing animals in heat. The sexual contact, he allegedly told police, was an accident. But police said he also admitted to masturbating with the animal five or six times and called Florida “backwards” because people frown on zoophilia. Does he sniff his fingers after these encounters? Does a donkey emit a "fishy" odor?

09-21-2012, 11:32 AM	#25
frostlich Get it done Shidzik! All League Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,966	Rhinestone Cowboy? Not quite. He's been ploughin' the fields all day Walkin' behind that bay And he thinks to himself from behind she's a good lookin' horse! So he's pulled back under a tree And he waits for the horse takes a pee And he lifts up its tail and makes sure that it's a she And he sees this huge vagina And he thinks what could be finer So its down with the reigns And down with the overalls too He's a well hung ploughboy Sneakin' up on his horse And having intercourse He's a well hung ploughboy And the smile on his horse Cos it feels no remorse When he comes home for supper His wife says 'You're a horse **er!' 'I've been to see a lawyer just today' 'And I want a divorce' Why? 'Because you **ed that horse' 'I've been down the field watchin' you all day' You were up behind that horse You were pumping with great force The horse don't mind the pain As he hangs on to it's mane And he just stand still and says 'Giddup! Move back!' x7 He's a well hung ploughboy Sneakin' up on his horse And having intercourse He's a well hung plough boy.

09-21-2012, 11:55 AM	#26
Fishooked dealin' out shithands Hall Of Fame Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: teh interwebz Posts: 24,718	I sure picked the wrong thread to read during lunch.