Worst Place to be when you have to Poop - Page 5 - Jets Insider.com Forums

chirorob · 11-29-2012, 03:28 PM

My worst.

Spent the whole day looking at office spaces for when I moved to Texas. Last spot, have to crap so bad, it's popping it's head out. Office is very nice, been vacant for a while. I tell the realtor I need to take a quick piss, and he says "Go ahead"

Run in, squat down, power shoot out a massive dump. Immediate relief. Now look over, no TP. None. OK, not ideal, but I'll limp out, get to a gas station, and clean up. A little embarrassing, but ok. Smell becoming a problem, I go to flush. Hmmmmm, no water, reserve tank is empty. This log jam ain't going anywhere. It's just sitting there, stinking. No power, can't even turn on exhaust fan.. Texas... Summer.... Massive crap in tank.....

I walk out, "Nope this one is a bit too big, lets get going."

3 years later, I upgrade my office, move into the spot. Still no water on, but at some point, someone cleaned the foulness I left behind.

quantum · 11-29-2012, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crasherino

+2 - I didn't pick that line up until the second reading. I think I glossed over it on account of trying to see what happened. Its the exact observation of a little detail you sometimes have amidst an otherwise chaotic scene. And relayed hysterically.

I liked the ordering of waffles to the room and then just ordering fruit with the client - veteran move. I'm going to pull that with my boss next time we travel....Just to give him a (bigger) complex.

only thing better? the draw curtain only came up to his shoulders, so his head was clearly visible while he defiled the entire plane.

RaoulDuke · 11-29-2012, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quantum

only thing better? the draw curtain only came up to his shoulders, so his head was clearly visible while he defiled the entire plane.

I loved that part too

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Whip · 11-29-2012, 04:16 PM

Two stories from a good friend of mine in Boston with a bit of IBS...

Summer job delivering mail for USPS door to door old school style. It hit suddenly. Knocked on several doors. No answers. Found a nice shrub. In the process of fertilizing the soil with manmulch, the door opens. USPS uni around the knees. Horrid look on her face. And nothing one can do to stop the torrent.

Also, the Sumner Tunnel in Boston on way home from work after big Thursday night booze, had just finished college and started work, living at home. Friday lunch of burritos....traffic jam. Held for 15 minutes. Shart. And once the shart squeaked through, the torrent came. It was everywhere. Legs, up the shirt, seat, floor, etc... Finally got home, stripped off in the backyard, and his mother used the garden hose.

Both stories verified by other parties (his mother and his roomate)!

Bonhomme Richard · 11-29-2012, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BushyTheBeaver

A crowded beach on a sunny summer day is not too cool. Only option is into the water and make doody mines.

Dude, that's foul

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whip

Two stories from a good friend of mine in Boston

Also, the Sumner Tunnel in Boston on way home from work after big Thursday night booze, had just finished college and started work, living at home. Friday lunch of burritos....traffic jam. Held for 15 minutes. Shart. And once the shart squeaked through, the torrent came. It was everywhere. Legs, up the shirt, seat, floor, etc... Finally got home, stripped off in the backyard, and his mother used the garden hose.

Both stories verified by other parties (his mother and his roomate)!

What did he do with the car? I feel like that's a situation only Winston Wolf can handle.

RaoulDuke · 11-29-2012, 05:04 PM

So I'm in my mid 20's, summer vacation, fly down to Malaga, Spain to meet up with a buddy and his gf. They come to pick me up at the airport and we go straight to the strip along the beach loaded with bars and clubs.

Outside the bars they sold litrons which was basically vodka with lime juice...served in a 1 liter glass.

We have 1, then a second and a third.

By that time feeling gooood. Hits some clubs and have a few beers, then go out for a breather ...and another litron.

That's when things started to go fuzzy. My buddy was a huge Scot and barely flinched, while the skinny French dude was spraying chunks everywhere. They bring me back, head out the window, covering the door in puke. Get to the house, repaint the flowers in puke..and pass out. On a side note, no matter how drunk I am, I'm always able to take out my contact lenses without losing them. Speak, no. Take out precious item from eyeball, yes.

The house belonged to my buddy's gf's parents. I'd never met them before.

Next morning I wake up on a mattress in a bedroom. My buddy and gf asleep on the bed next to me.

Then I notice something's not right, something's between my legs that wasn't there before (yeah yeah).

o
m
g

In my misfortune, I was extremely lucky that I'd delivered a perfectly solid doot that somehow was still in my boxer shorts. No leakage.

I get up, holding my shorts tightly so nothing dribbles out. and take a peak outside. Perfect... direct view on the kitchen where the mother preparing breakfast.

So:
Doot in my shorts
Buddy and gf asleep next to me
unkown house (where the f*ck is the bathroom)
door guarded by mother I haven't met yet

I slip out, turn left and go into the first door which thank God was a bathroom. I dump everything in the toilet, take a shower allthewhile realizing I'm leaving little smudges of sh*t everywhere...

Finally make it out, say hello to everyone, and pulled it off.

Later in the afternoon I noticed someone had put my mattress outside to get some air.

Jets Things · 11-29-2012, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonhomme Richard

Dude, that's foul

Ah, the aquadeuce. Been there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaoulDuke

Later in the afternoon I noticed someone had put my mattress outside to get some air.

lolz

They knew.

RaoulDuke · 11-29-2012, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jets Things

lolz

They knew.

That's what I thought for a long time.

Years later I told them the story and they were completley oblivious. They said they put the mattress out because it stank, but they just thought it was leftover puke or something.

Jets Things · 11-29-2012, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaoulDuke

That's what I thought for a long time.

Years later I told them the story and they were completley oblivious. They said they put the mattress out because it stank, but they just thought it was leftover puke or something.

They were being nice to an adult who drunkenly voided his bowels while passed out. They knew.

Fishooked · 11-29-2012, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaoulDuke

So I'm in my mid 20's, summer vacation, fly down to Malaga, Spain to meet up with a buddy and his gf. They come to pick me up at the airport and we go straight to the strip along the beach loaded with bars and clubs.

Outside the bars they sold litrons which was basically vodka with lime juice...served in a 1 liter glass.

We have 1, then a second and a third.

By that time feeling gooood. Hits some clubs and have a few beers, then go out for a breather ...and another litron.

That's when things started to go fuzzy. My buddy was a huge Scot and barely flinched, while the skinny French dude was spraying chunks everywhere. They bring me back, head out the window, covering the door in puke. Get to the house, repaint the flowers in puke..and pass out. On a side note, no matter how drunk I am, I'm always able to take out my contact lenses without losing them. Speak, no. Take out precious item from eyeball, yes.

The house belonged to my buddy's gf's parents. I'd never met them before.

Next morning I wake up on a mattress in a bedroom. My buddy and gf asleep on the bed next to me.

Then I notice something's not right, something's between my legs that wasn't there before (yeah yeah).

o
m
g

In my misfortune, I was extremely lucky that I'd delivered a perfectly solid doot that somehow was still in my boxer shorts. No leakage.

I get up, holding my shorts tightly so nothing dribbles out. and take a peak outside. Perfect... direct view on the kitchen where the mother preparing breakfast.

So:
Doot in my shorts
Buddy and gf asleep next to me
unkown house (where the f*ck is the bathroom)
door guarded by mother I haven't met yet

I slip out, turn left and go into the first door which thank God was a bathroom. I dump everything in the toilet, take a shower allthewhile realizing I'm leaving little smudges of sh*t everywhere...

Finally make it out, say hello to everyone, and pulled it off.

Later in the afternoon I noticed someone had put my mattress outside to get some air.

How could I possibly forget this gem:

You kind of have to read this post first:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...6817203&page=1

The thread turns epic and someone makes this gif out of his story

Peebag · 11-29-2012, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaoulDuke

When I have some time I'll re-tell the time I shat myself.

...and please be graphically specific.....include charts and pictures...

BushyTheBeaver · 11-29-2012, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishooked

How could I possibly forget this gem:

You kind of have to read this post first:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...6817203&page=1

The thread turns epic and someone makes this gif out of his story

bodybuilding.com?

Dimitri_0515 · 11-29-2012, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BushyTheBeaver

bodybuilding.com?

He's not there for the fitness portion.

southparkcpa · 11-29-2012, 09:14 PM

friend of mine was making a presentation at a bank and had to shlt so bad his face hurt. he excused himself, went in the men's room with 2 stalls. one was occupied, the other a mess. Wet seat..unfleshed etc.

he tells me he SQUATS over the bowl but can't hold it. He describes it as an epic explosion and he is about 3 inches over the wet, messy toilet seat.

his explosion hits the bowl, the floor and the back of his pants and he has to go back in to the meeting.

He said the guy in the next stall was like...JESUS H, WTF??????

Cursing him through the stall wall as he could see the chocolate milk shake hit the floor.

Dimitri_0515 · 11-29-2012, 09:20 PM

I have to say I've never had a disaster before. I've had it to the point where I thought I was going to pop, but never had a mess. I have quite the colon strength to hold it.

Fishooked · 11-29-2012, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BushyTheBeaver

bodybuilding.com?

Pfft - not me - but that is where the thread originated from, I believe.
I think Buzzsaw was the one that originally unearthed that gem.

Also I think there was a similar forum where that guy had his ugly girlfriend pose with his ****ty car too.

http://regretfulmorning.com/2008/11/...poses-for-car/

Dimitri_0515 · 11-29-2012, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishooked

Pfft - not me - but that is where the thread originated from, I believe.
I think Buzzsaw was the one that originally unearthed that gem.

Also I think there was a similar forum where that guy had his ugly girlfriend pose with his ****ty car too.

http://regretfulmorning.com/2008/11/...poses-for-car/

That one was epic.

RazorJet · 11-29-2012, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaoulDuke

Hey, while your on the floor could you go fahq yourself. I just plain don't like you. Rauol Duke your not. Just not cool enough.

RaoulDuke · 11-30-2012, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RazorJet

Hey, while your on the floor could you go fahq yourself. I just plain don't like you. Rauol Duke your not. Just not cool enough.

Are you an analyst?

32green · 11-30-2012, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RazorJet

Hey, while your on the floor could you go fahq yourself. I just plain don't like you. Rauol Duke your not. Just not cool enough.

w t f

11-29-2012, 03:28 PM	#81
chirorob Draft the best available player. All Pro Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: In transit Posts: 5,807	My worst. Spent the whole day looking at office spaces for when I moved to Texas. Last spot, have to crap so bad, it's popping it's head out. Office is very nice, been vacant for a while. I tell the realtor I need to take a quick piss, and he says "Go ahead" Run in, squat down, power shoot out a massive dump. Immediate relief. Now look over, no TP. None. OK, not ideal, but I'll limp out, get to a gas station, and clean up. A little embarrassing, but ok. Smell becoming a problem, I go to flush. Hmmmmm, no water, reserve tank is empty. This log jam ain't going anywhere. It's just sitting there, stinking. No power, can't even turn on exhaust fan.. Texas... Summer.... Massive crap in tank..... I walk out, "Nope this one is a bit too big, lets get going." 3 years later, I upgrade my office, move into the spot. Still no water on, but at some point, someone cleaned the foulness I left behind.

11-29-2012, 04:16 PM	#84
Whip Waterboy Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 6	Two stories from a good friend of mine in Boston with a bit of IBS... Summer job delivering mail for USPS door to door old school style. It hit suddenly. Knocked on several doors. No answers. Found a nice shrub. In the process of fertilizing the soil with manmulch, the door opens. USPS uni around the knees. Horrid look on her face. And nothing one can do to stop the torrent. Also, the Sumner Tunnel in Boston on way home from work after big Thursday night booze, had just finished college and started work, living at home. Friday lunch of burritos....traffic jam. Held for 15 minutes. Shart. And once the shart squeaked through, the torrent came. It was everywhere. Legs, up the shirt, seat, floor, etc... Finally got home, stripped off in the backyard, and his mother used the garden hose. Both stories verified by other parties (his mother and his roomate)!

11-29-2012, 05:04 PM	#86
RaoulDuke Son of Ham Hall Of Fame Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Paris, France Posts: 11,872	So I'm in my mid 20's, summer vacation, fly down to Malaga, Spain to meet up with a buddy and his gf. They come to pick me up at the airport and we go straight to the strip along the beach loaded with bars and clubs. Outside the bars they sold litrons which was basically vodka with lime juice...served in a 1 liter glass. We have 1, then a second and a third. By that time feeling gooood. Hits some clubs and have a few beers, then go out for a breather ...and another litron. That's when things started to go fuzzy. My buddy was a huge Scot and barely flinched, while the skinny French dude was spraying chunks everywhere. They bring me back, head out the window, covering the door in puke. Get to the house, repaint the flowers in puke..and pass out. On a side note, no matter how drunk I am, I'm always able to take out my contact lenses without losing them. Speak, no. Take out precious item from eyeball, yes. The house belonged to my buddy's gf's parents. I'd never met them before. Next morning I wake up on a mattress in a bedroom. My buddy and gf asleep on the bed next to me. Then I notice something's not right, something's between my legs that wasn't there before (yeah yeah). o m g In my misfortune, I was extremely lucky that I'd delivered a perfectly solid doot that somehow was still in my boxer shorts. No leakage. I get up, holding my shorts tightly so nothing dribbles out. and take a peak outside. Perfect... direct view on the kitchen where the mother preparing breakfast. So: Doot in my shorts Buddy and gf asleep next to me unkown house (where the fck is the bathroom) door guarded by mother I haven't met yet I slip out, turn left and go into the first door which thank God was a bathroom. I dump everything in the toilet, take a shower allthewhile realizing I'm leaving little smudges of sht everywhere... Finally make it out, say hello to everyone, and pulled it off. Later in the afternoon I noticed someone had put my mattress outside to get some air.

11-29-2012, 09:14 PM	#94
southparkcpa I see the 88 to 97 period all over again. Jets Insider VIP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: NC Posts: 15,754	friend of mine was making a presentation at a bank and had to shlt so bad his face hurt. he excused himself, went in the men's room with 2 stalls. one was occupied, the other a mess. Wet seat..unfleshed etc. he tells me he SQUATS over the bowl but can't hold it. He describes it as an epic explosion and he is about 3 inches over the wet, messy toilet seat. his explosion hits the bowl, the floor and the back of his pants and he has to go back in to the meeting. He said the guy in the next stall was like...JESUS H, WTF?????? Cursing him through the stall wall as he could see the chocolate milk shake hit the floor.

11-29-2012, 09:20 PM	#95
Dimitri_0515 Banned Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 11,182	I have to say I've never had a disaster before. I've had it to the point where I thought I was going to pop, but never had a mess. I have quite the colon strength to hold it.