I need to fake an illness to get out of a New Years Eve event....ideas?

[Borgoguy]

Testicular gout.

[chesapeakejet]

Down one of these bad boys.

[Bing in Buffalo]

Tell them that your speaking at a mens conference....

and remember, ....

[Dirtstar]

wrestless legs?

[Jets Things]

Drug your wife before the party, idiot.

[Dirtstar]

1. locate bee (ask Timmy for directions to his yard)

2. allow bee to sting your tongue

3. tell wife you can't go to party due to swollen tongue

4. if she says you still have to go, let her know that any query regarding your swollen tongue will be answered with, "oh yeah, I got this from giving the wife too many Christmas rimjobs."

5. ????

6. profit!!

[BushyTheBeaver]

Can't you just tell your wife you don't want to go? And then have her make an excuse to your hosts that you have brochitis or something? ThAt seems like your best bet.

[Jetworks]

Originally Posted by Dirtstar

wrestless legs?

How about pleurisy?

[The Boston Patriot]

Originally Posted by Fishooked

I need something rock-solid here, not just my usual 'I dont feel so good, smell the bathroom for yourself' kind of illness.

Every year its the same old drag at my wife's friends house, with a house full of kids that are hopped up on leftover sugar cookies and holiday desserts, and a bunch of adults that frankly I can't fake more than a couple hours worth of conversation topics with. One of us has to drive home and unfortunately I don't trust my wife so I usually take the sobriety bullet which exacerbates things.

Ideas?

Yeast infection?

[chirorob]

Anal Fistula. Very painful.




Or you could try severe sinus infection mirroring a tooth infection. ( I actually have that now, it sucks)

[brady's a catcher]

Butt chugging gone horribly wrong and/or advanced stage echolalia.

[Gata]

I say you tell your wife you hurt your back lifting something heavy ... ice pack it away till she says no to going out

[PlumberKhan]

Question is....are you looking for everyone to stay home or do you want to have the house to yourself?

If the wife goes with the kiddos...then she isn't going to be able to drink. Which means she probably won't have that great of a nite and may not be so chipper, which will really kill your buzz that you started working on when she pulled out of the driveway.

I'd make it so everyone stays home. Just pull the cables off the battery on the war wagon and "fix" it in the AM.

[BushyTheBeaver]

Originally Posted by PlumberKhan

Question is....are you looking for everyone to stay home or do you want to have the house to yourself?

If the wife goes with the kiddos...then she isn't going to be able to drink. Which means she probably won't have that great of a nite and may not be so chipper, which will really kill your buzz that you started working on when she pulled out of the driveway.

I'd make it so everyone stays home. Just pull the cables off the battery on the war wagon and "fix" it in the AM.

Or...take a cab to the party and back so you can both drink.

[Timmy®]

Originally Posted by Fishooked

I need something rock-solid here, not just my usual 'I dont feel so good, smell the bathroom for yourself' kind of illness.

Every year its the same old drag at my wife's friends house, with a house full of kids that are hopped up on leftover sugar cookies and holiday desserts, and a bunch of adults that frankly I can't fake more than a couple hours worth of conversation topics with. One of us has to drive home and unfortunately I don't trust my wife so I usually take the sobriety bullet which exacerbates things.

Ideas?

you have a history of this kind of stuff, nothing you say will be believed.

Before you go, tell your wife you don't feel good. She will obviously tell you that you are a lying POS and make you go. Then you must sh*t your pants in the car on the way over, and when it happens say "Well are you satisfied now?!!"

Not a lot of fun, but better than going.

[jetswin]

Start walking around the house backwards today... by Monday you should be in the clear as the latest case of backwards walking cheerleader disease.

You're welcome

Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk 2

[32green]

I remember I tried this in College when I had to work the weekends, it was really hard to get off and I got Basketball tix....Separate an egg yolk from the white...mix it up pretty good, then dab some in the eyelashes of one eye.

Let it dry.

Walk around kind of squinting that eye... and this is important...let her notice it and point it out.

Then, stab a screwdriver into your ass.


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[LockeJET]

Take 6 viagra. Your wife is not taking you to a party with a night long raging boner.

[jetstream23]

Split personality disorder. Or, amnesia from a recent head injury obtained during a watermelon eating competition.

[jetstream23]

Originally Posted by jetstream23

Split personality disorder. Or, amnesia from a recent head injury obtained during a watermelon eating competition.

+1

Although the amnesia thing is a stretch.