Funny Football (Soccer) Related Stuff

[JetsFan2012]

Originally Posted by Black Death

Brazilian dancer Joana Machado says she's celebrating her "utter love" with Inter star Adriano by tattooing his name below her breasts. Machado says she wanted to be "branded". "Adriano owns me, owns my life: when he signs for Flamengo or Chelsea, I sign for them too." Adriano's agent Gilmar Rinaldi says Joana is "lacking comprehension". "Adriano is going nowhere: he stays at Inter. And he's dating someone else."

hahaha, that's sad

[JetsFan2012]

Originally Posted by Black Death

Italy gay-tolerance latest: Marcello Lippi says there are "no gays in football". "In 40 years of my career I've never met one. It would be a complicated condition to deal with in the locker room." (Last month: unnamed Serie C player tells Italian TV how he's regularly paid for sex by Serie A players. "I get €1,500 each time. I've had at least a dozen from Serie A, sometimes several at once. They like me.")

Oh, no.

[RaoulDuke]

Originally Posted by pauliec

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

[The Turk]

Originally Posted by RaoulDuke

Oh, yes.

LOL

[Soberphobia]

Best Fifa gesture last week: naming Palestine inaugural winners of the "Fifa Development Award" for "keeping football alive in the region". In October, Sepp Blatter backed the Peres Peace House in Israel, established to "combat prejudice and promote understanding in Palestinian-Israeli relations". Fifa's aim, says Sepp: "To touch the world and build a better future."

• 2003: Fifa senior vice-president and head of Argentina's FA Julio Grondona forced to apologise after telling a live TV audience: "I do not believe a Jew can ever be a referee. It's hard work and, you know, Jews don't like hard work." ("He's a monumental man!" says Sepp. "We are friends for ever!")

[Soberphobia]

Arsène Wenger says he'd never let Arsenal be financially exploited by club or player financial demands. "We're in negotiations [for Andrei Arshavin] - but we have our principles."

2008: Arsenal accounts reveal it took £10m (£5m wages, plus a private £5m one-off fee) to keep Thierry Henry for one more season. ("I stayed for love," said Thierry in 2006, before the accounts were made public. "I simply could not face leaving the fans. I've never played in Spain and now I never will. This is where my heart is. And my decision to stay or leave was never going to be based on economic considerations. People want to give you a label as a footballer where it's all about money, money, money - they should stop talking about that. It's not. It's about emotion, respect, loyalty - and real love.")

[Soberphobia]

Bayern Munich's Luca Toni is the footballer most Italian women "would demand to get naked", says a survey by Novella 2000 magazine. Top of the "best option for extra-marital love romp" category: Gennaro Gattuso, Amauri Carvalho and David Beckham.

[Soberphobia]

Brazilian club Gremio say they "anticipate no obvious problems" from a new club policy of prescribing players Viagra ahead of high-altitude Copa Libertadores games. Club doctor Alarico Endres says the drug will improve blood oxygenisation. "The studies suggest it will give our boys a real edge for high-altitude games. The fuss about this is simply puerile: my studies show there will be no unseemly consequences."

[Soberphobia]

Chants of the week:

"He swerves to the left, He swerves to the right, That boy Ronaldo, His driving is *****!"
Bolton fans showing their sympathetic stance on the Ferrari incident at the Emirates. (Mark, Lancaster).

"That's the way, Saha Saha, we like it, Saha Saha."
Sung at Everton game, to the tune by KC and the Sunshine Band. (Barry Willett, England).

"He's big, he's fast, his first name should be last, Stern John."
Bristol City fans away to Watford. (Daniel Rowe, Somerset).

"He's fast, he's red, he sounds like Father Ted, Robbie Keane."
Liverpool fans. (Bob, Middlesbrough).

"We're gonna lose 5-4!"
Man City fans when 4-0 up against Hull. (James Halfpenny, UK).

"Oh the Sousa... the mighty Sousa... We're gonna win away... a win away a win away a win away..."
(To the tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight) - QPR fans when it look destined they would finally win an away game, only for Charlton to equalise. (Saffa Michail, Isle of Wight).

"You better watch out, you better not cry, you better watch out I'm telling you why - Santa Cruz is coming to Blyth!"
Blyth fans ahead of the FA Cup tie at Blackburn. (Darren, Newcastle).

[RaoulDuke]

This was posted over at JN and felt like sharing. Some pretty excellent quotes from Gordon Strachan

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless."

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there...

Strachan was on Sky on Sunday morning. He saw John Terry's goal and said he was impressed that Terry goes up expecting to score. He contrasted this to Claus Lundekvam the Saints central defender who goes up for every dead ball and never ever looks remotely like scoring. He said if there was a dead body lying in the penalty area the ball would hit it on the head several times a season which he said is more than Lundekvam can manage. He said referees should book Lundekvam for timewasting every time he goes up for a corner. When the co-commentator said if Lundekvam was watching Strachan was only joking. Strachan assured him he was deadly serious.


Strachan: "When he [Claus Lundekvam] was carried off at Leicester someone asked me if he was unconscious, but I didn't have a clue. He's always like that....."


Gary Lineker - Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you play?
Strachan - I'm not English.
Lineker - But if you were..?
Strachan - I'd top meself.


Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?
Strachan: I dont care, I'm Scottish.


“Pahars has also caught every virus going except a computer virus and he is probably working on that even now.”


Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]


Strachan on Wayne Rooney: Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.


“I'm going home now to get myself a Coca-Cola and a packet of crisps and I'll sit in front of the television and look at the table on Teletext all night.”


"He [Sir Alex Ferguson] used to play tapes of Bill Shankly talking. I remember that and a singer he liked. I don't know who it was but it was crap. He played it on the team bus too, and all the boys hated it. Until one night it got chucked away. If he's still wondering who threw that tape off the bus, it was me. So maybe he was right and I'm not to be trusted....."


Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.


"I tried to get the disappointment out of my system by going for a walk. I ended up 17 miles from home and I had to phone my wife, Lesley to come and pick me up."

[Soberphobia]

Strachan is a very funny man and an absolute delight for the media. Some of those quotes above are .

[WoodyPaige]

I think this article belongs in this thread.

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/st...europe&cc=5901

[RaoulDuke]

Ribery is known to be quite a prankster. A few weeks back, Bayern were in Dubai, and decided to hijack the team bus...and ended up crashing into a few signs.

Franck Ribery may be a maestro on the field, but he is not so good behind the wheel. The French midfielder caused some minor damage on Friday, smashing his team bus into a pair of signs in Dubai.

Bayern Munich are currently on retreat in the United Arab Emirates, where Ribery decided to "hijack" the team bus, according to Tuttosport.

However, it appears his little joke did not pan out, as he knocked over a couple of street signs and left the bus with several scratches along it's side.

After the accident, Ribery's Bayern teammates poked fun at their star player turned poor driver.

"Unfortunately, now everyone knows what Ribery's driving is like," sighed coach Jurgen Klinsmann. Meanwhile, fellow midfielder Tim Borowski joked about how it was an "unfortunate situation".

However, on a more serious note, Bayern and Ribery may be fined as the player does not have a license to drive a coach bus and did cause minor damage to the property.

[The Turk]

Nesta! You and I, 3 Months in a Motel

[RaoulDuke]

Move over Gennero, here comes Cristiano

This is gay even by European standards

[JetsFan2012]

Is he on crutches because of the reaming he got last night?

[Soberphobia]

Didier Drogba: the story so far

May 06 "It's not a joke. I want to quit Chelsea and escape all the pressures and scandals here, and play somewhere I can feel free. I admire AC Milan."

· September 07 "I'm very happy at Chelsea, and I have a contract. As footballers, we obey our contracts."

· October 07 "I want to leave Chelsea. Something is broken here. The damage has been big in the dressing room because we know now who and what caused Mourinho's departure. Nothing can stop me from leaving."

· October 07 "On reflection, I regret making those comments. I am a Chelsea player and will be 100 per cent committed. I love the fans - they show me respect and this is very important. I will not be discussing my future any further."

· January 08 "Clearly I have wanted to leave for two or three years. Mourinho's departure just makes my desire to leave even bigger. I don't see why I should not join Barcelona."

· February 08 "I am staying and giving 100 per cent to Chelsea. It is fantastic here. The Champions League and Premier League - these are the types of challenges that I love."

· May 08 "All footballers dream of signing for Milan. Galliani asked me: 'When would you like to play for Milan?' I replied 'Whenever you want, it's all up to you - get the money ready and go see Chelsea'."

· October 08 "I am really happy at Chelsea - I have always said I am really happy here. I don't need to move... And when you have a contract it is important to respect it."

· November 08 "The last six months have been the worst in my career. But I know how to resolve it... Going back to Marseille is still in a corner of my mind. I am serious."

· December 08 "I want to stay and be part of Chelsea's history! The fans and the club show me respect and I am very settled in London."

· January 09 "Everyone knows how much I love Marseilles. It's tough for me to find the right words to explain the relationship between Marseille fans and me. If something is to happen, Marseille must contact Chelsea."

· February 09 "I want to stay at Chelsea! I love the fans. All I desire now is for people to stop talking about me going to Inter Milan or Marseille."

[Soberphobia]

Celeb news: Ronaldinho is "romantically on fire", say Italian press. Months after hiring a helicopter to shower rose petals over the flat of his last girlfriend, the Brazilian has "stolen the heart" of Milan channel TV presenter and "high-class glamour model" Aline Domingos. Domingos told the press the stories are true. "Yes, Ronaldinho and I are going out. He's my Gaucho. But really, I am shy. I don't want to talk about it." (!!!)





Ronaldinho is one of the ugliest footballers alive, but it hasn't impeded him with the ladies.

[Soberphobia]

DOG NEWS

Independiente striker German Denis says he's no hero despite trying to carry on training after being violated by an Alsation. The squad were jogging in a Mar del Plata park when the dog escaped its owner and attacked the players buttocks, before being pulled away. Denis said he tried to continue , but was 'consumed by pain'.

'The dog was a bastard. I wouldn't wish it on anybody'

[RaoulDuke]

Originally Posted by Black Death

Didier Drogba: the story so far

May 06 "It's not a joke. I want to quit Chelsea and escape all the pressures and scandals here, and play somewhere I can feel free. I admire AC Milan."

· September 07 "I'm very happy at Chelsea, and I have a contract. As footballers, we obey our contracts."

· October 07 "I want to leave Chelsea. Something is broken here. The damage has been big in the dressing room because we know now who and what caused Mourinho's departure. Nothing can stop me from leaving."

· October 07 "On reflection, I regret making those comments. I am a Chelsea player and will be 100 per cent committed. I love the fans - they show me respect and this is very important. I will not be discussing my future any further."

· January 08 "Clearly I have wanted to leave for two or three years. Mourinho's departure just makes my desire to leave even bigger. I don't see why I should not join Barcelona."

· February 08 "I am staying and giving 100 per cent to Chelsea. It is fantastic here. The Champions League and Premier League - these are the types of challenges that I love."

· May 08 "All footballers dream of signing for Milan. Galliani asked me: 'When would you like to play for Milan?' I replied 'Whenever you want, it's all up to you - get the money ready and go see Chelsea'."

· October 08 "I am really happy at Chelsea - I have always said I am really happy here. I don't need to move... And when you have a contract it is important to respect it."

· November 08 "The last six months have been the worst in my career. But I know how to resolve it... Going back to Marseille is still in a corner of my mind. I am serious."

· December 08 "I want to stay and be part of Chelsea's history! The fans and the club show me respect and I am very settled in London."

· January 09 "Everyone knows how much I love Marseilles. It's tough for me to find the right words to explain the relationship between Marseille fans and me. If something is to happen, Marseille must contact Chelsea."

· February 09 "I want to stay at Chelsea! I love the fans. All I desire now is for people to stop talking about me going to Inter Milan or Marseille."

Wow. I used to really like his style of play. Now he just seems like big Ahole.

er....dressing room?