Drunk stories

82nd Airborne · 08-11-2010, 09:46 AM

What are your best/worst (for most part) drunk stories?

* Arm slashed by concertina wire when trying to punch somebody, I swing--missed and landed on a fenced area

* A call-girl pepper spray my eyes because I didn't want to pay her services, she had no nipples

* Blacked out and smashed my head on the ground

* Arrested for disorderly conduct (somebody was making fun of my NY Jets) (took like 13 cops to get the handcuffs on me).

JStokes · 08-11-2010, 10:02 AM

[QUOTE=82nd Airborne;3677484]What are your best/worst (for most part) drunk stories?

* Arm slashed by concertina wire when trying to punch somebody, I swing--missed and landed on a fenced area

[B]* A call-girl pepper spray my eyes because I didn't want to pay her services, she had no nipples [/B]

* Blacked out and smashed my head on the ground

* Arrested for disorderly conduct (somebody was making fun of my NY Jets) (took like 13 cops to get the handcuffs on me).[/QUOTE]

When did you find out she had no nipples--before or after the services were performed?

That's a crucial element to determining whether you shoulda paid or not.

_

parkwayjet1 · 08-11-2010, 10:50 AM

Getting a BJ by my girlfriend in her car, when my brothers pull up alongside and yell at me to get out and get in their car, we had to leave. Forget why it was so urgent, but I stumble drunkenly out of the car with my pants falling off and proceed to trip and nearly give myself a concrete facial.

82nd Airborne · 08-11-2010, 10:58 AM

[QUOTE=JStokes;3677521]When did you find out she had no nipples--before or after the services were performed?

That's a crucial element to determining whether you shoulda paid or not.

_[/QUOTE]

In the middle of it...I reached to fill her nipples and I was so freaking pissed I stood up and told her to get the f-out, that's when the incoming spray blind me for a while...

PlumberKhan · 08-11-2010, 11:02 AM

Got kicked out of bar for telling some boisterous drunk to stop acting like a doosh, didn't really loud drunk guy was bar owners dad. Retaliated by kicking over DirecTV dish on roof mid-game, miscalculated time it would take me to get off of said roof but was "helped off" by pissed off people who came outside to see what happened.

:O

OrangeJet · 08-11-2010, 11:09 AM

[QUOTE=PlumberKhan;3677653]Got kicked out of bar for telling some boisterous drunk to stop acting like a doosh, didn't really loud drunk guy was bar owners dad. Retaliated by kicking over DirecTV dish on roof mid-game, miscalculated time it would take me to get off of said roof but was "helped off" by pissed off people who came outside to see what happened.

:O[/QUOTE]

That's good, but I prefer the one with pics of vomit in the snow....

PlumberKhan · 08-11-2010, 11:19 AM

[QUOTE=OrangeJet;3677671]That's good, but I prefer the one with pics of vomit in the snow....[/QUOTE]

LMAO. U guys weren't supposed to remember that :eek:

Man. I was freaking TRASHED that night.

Jets Things · 08-11-2010, 11:45 AM

Broke a finger drunkenly falling UP a flight of stairs during the blackout of 2003.
Broke a kneecap drunkenly falling off a college girlfriend's lofted bed. No memory of incident.
Kicked out of a bar (and thrown head first into the rear fender of a Toyota 4Runner) in NYC in my early 20's for pissing in the room marked "Private" instead of the mens room.
Woke up in the middle of a field in Hampton Bays after a rough night at the Drift Inn. I assume the cab driver had enough of me.
Dirty danced with the grandmother of a groom I barely knew at his wedding. Yeah, that girl who brought me as her date didn't really call much afterwards. Unsuccessfully tried to break into a number of houses and cars on Dune Road in Westhampton because I forgot which house was rented by my friend's brother.
And most recently, got kicked out of a bar for pissing in the women's room.

I like vodka.

Soberphobia · 08-11-2010, 12:25 PM

Driving through and over fences in a farming area while driving from brothel to brothel. Eventually we ran into a 7 foot kangaroo and totalled the car.

Got King hit from behind, smashed my face into the ground from the blow, bounced back up and kept on walking whilst traversing between pubs. I had major gravel rash across my face for weeks afterwards. I didn't realise I had been hit until the next day and until someone who had witnessed it told me what had happened.

Too many other incidents to really go into detail - many ones much funnier than mentioned on here, but take too much explanation.

32green · 08-11-2010, 12:51 PM

[QUOTE=Black Death;3677854]Driving through and over fences in a farming area while driving from brothel to brothel. Eventually we ran into a 7 foot kangaroo and totalled the car.

Got King hit from behind, smashed my face into the ground from the blow, bounced back up and kept on walking whilst traversing between pubs. I had major gravel rash across my face for weeks afterwards. I didn't realise I had been hit until the next day and until someone who had witnessed it told me what had happened.

Too many other incidents to really go into detail - many ones much funnier than mentioned on here, but take too much explanation.[/QUOTE]

You prolly coulda got away with merely posting your sig... with no words.

:D

parkwayjet1 · 08-11-2010, 02:09 PM

[QUOTE=Black Death;3677854]Driving through and over fences in a farming area while driving from brothel to brothel. Eventually we ran into a 7 foot kangaroo and totalled the car.

[B]Got King hit from behind,[/B] smashed my face into the ground from the blow, bounced back up and kept on walking whilst traversing between pubs. I had major gravel rash across my face for weeks afterwards. I didn't realise I had been hit until the next day and until someone who had witnessed it told me what had happened.

Too many other incidents to really go into detail - many ones much funnier than mentioned on here, but take too much explanation.[/QUOTE]

The bolded part - What does that mean?

32green · 08-11-2010, 02:46 PM

[QUOTE=parkwayjet1;3678102]The bolded part - What does that mean?[/QUOTE]

[IMG]http://www.stephengreenarmytage.com/images/photographer/portrait-billie-jean-king.jpg[/IMG]

:eek:

Blech pitooooey

quantum · 08-11-2010, 02:48 PM

I once posted the highlights of an office Christmas party here. Last time I do that. :shakehead

southside · 08-11-2010, 04:02 PM

Got hammered on Box O' Margaritas and Bud Light. Got home at like 2AM, fumbling for my keys, step dad opened up the door like "WTF is going on out here with all this noise you drunk bastard." I was like, chill dude, I'm just trying to get inside the house. About 30 minutes later I wake up needing to puke, tried to go outside so no one would here me puking in the bathroom, fell down the brick stairs and skinned the shiz outta my knees and attempted to throw up in the front yard. I think I ended up starting or just passing out for a minute or two and my mom came outside and got me inside while b!tching about my condition. Brought me into the bathroom to try and clean up my knee. I slightly remember leaning my back up against the wall and starting to slide from right to left falling into the bathtub while saying something like, "I'm not drunk, you're drunk."

Next morning was probably the worst hang over of my life. I attempted to puke in a bucket I was given and when I woke up realized I had missed the bucket all night long. That sucked cleaning that up with a cheap tequila hangover. I remember I was supposed to see the Falcons play GB in the first preseason game of that season. Ended up not being able to make that. I was upset because I wanted to see Brett Favre play at least once in my life.... wonder what I was thinking back then. :D

Charlie Don't Surf · 08-13-2010, 01:06 PM

While temporary duty (U.S.A.F.) in Fayetteville, NC (Pope AFB/Ft Bragg) I was hammered, took a taxi back to base, told the driver to pull over which he did. I opened the door and puked on two people's shoes walking by. No a$$beating somehow.

crossfire · 08-13-2010, 01:27 PM

I've never been one to get in too many fights but one night me and 2 buddies were out in a bar and I was drinking lots of vodka and got hammered. Then I got the bright idea to pick a fight. I was being a total ass and finally, one guy decided to fight me.

Apparently I threw a right hook that was so telegraphed that my 2 buddies went into hysterics as the guy easily ducked underneath and then threw his shoulder into my gut and drove me backward into a wall. He took a few swings at my mid section but as he looked up, I nailed him with an upper-cut to the jaw. He stumbled backwards and I unleashed about 4 or 5 good shots to his face.

His knees were wobbling and he was about to go down and I was feeling pretty damn good about myself until I realized that 4 bouncers were running right at me with fists loaded.

I proceeded to take a beating.:D

I just ducked and covered until the fists stopped pounding me. As I was being escorted from the bar, slightly bloodied and battered, I was talking sh!t to the guy. He was also bloody and bruised and I challenged him to take the fight outside.

Fortunately he had enough and didn't take me up on it because no sooner did I get to my buddies car when I began to puke my guts out.

That was my last bar fight.

JetsFanatic88 · 08-14-2010, 01:12 PM

College gave me a couple of stories that were pretty funny. But my favorite is one time I went to my friends college(Rutgers). My friend called me and asked if I wanted to party and I took his offer because my school is dead on the weekends. He told me that most parties there's a ratio to girls to guys. So I found three foreign exchange students from Korea and asked if they wanted to come .Once we got there we started looking for a party. And followed the sound of the loud music and we found a line outside of the house. I needed a rebound girl as well cause I broke up with my ex from Rowen. My friend agreed to be my wingman and from there we found a girl and started drinking. My friends pick up line to her was do you know were in a band. She kept asking and it was obvious we were lying but she believed it. She asked my bands name and we looked at each other and he said with the straightest face the bands name is "contagion" and she was like WTF is that. And he says we want our music to be contagious when you listen to it. But any way after she became my partner for beer pong and we went 9-0 and after 6 jungle juices I was wasted beyond belief. Next thing I know I'm in my bed. When I asked my friend what happened he looked at me and said you:
-Called your ex and told her she had misshapen tits
-When someone asked you to stop drinking you said hey F**k of I'm a double major
-called everyone a pledge
-believed I was actually In a band and called everyone a different instrument
-almost peed in my roommates closet who happens to be a 6'4 black kid who has a full scholarship for basketball

And remember he asians well after my friend ran around the whole campus looking for these girls he said they were at the party in the top floor with a guy screaming at him saying do under stand a word I'm saying!!!

Man can't wait for sophomore year next month it's gonna be so fun.
If there's any typos I'm sorry I wrote this on my iPhone

FF2® · 08-14-2010, 06:15 PM

[QUOTE=Green Jets & Ham;3682761]I was prepared to [B]cap her pimp[/B] if he opened his yap[/QUOTE]

:eek: Glenn gettin' all ghetto!!!

08-11-2010, 09:46 AM	#1
82nd Airborne Fugk transnational corporates! Banned Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1,768	Drunk stories What are your best/worst (for most part) drunk stories? * Arm slashed by concertina wire when trying to punch somebody, I swing--missed and landed on a fenced area * A call-girl pepper spray my eyes because I didn't want to pay her services, she had no nipples * Blacked out and smashed my head on the ground * Arrested for disorderly conduct (somebody was making fun of my NY Jets) (took like 13 cops to get the handcuffs on me).

08-11-2010, 04:02 PM	#14
southside Forever Awesome All Pro Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 8,898	Got hammered on Box O' Margaritas and Bud Light. Got home at like 2AM, fumbling for my keys, step dad opened up the door like "WTF is going on out here with all this noise you drunk bastard." I was like, chill dude, I'm just trying to get inside the house. About 30 minutes later I wake up needing to puke, tried to go outside so no one would here me puking in the bathroom, fell down the brick stairs and skinned the shiz outta my knees and attempted to throw up in the front yard. I think I ended up starting or just passing out for a minute or two and my mom came outside and got me inside while b!tching about my condition. Brought me into the bathroom to try and clean up my knee. I slightly remember leaning my back up against the wall and starting to slide from right to left falling into the bathtub while saying something like, "I'm not drunk, you're drunk." Next morning was probably the worst hang over of my life. I attempted to puke in a bucket I was given and when I woke up realized I had missed the bucket all night long. That sucked cleaning that up with a cheap tequila hangover. I remember I was supposed to see the Falcons play GB in the first preseason game of that season. Ended up not being able to make that. I was upset because I wanted to see Brett Favre play at least once in my life.... wonder what I was thinking back then. :D Last edited by southside; 08-11-2010 at 04:04 PM.

08-14-2010, 01:12 PM	#17
JetsFanatic88 DMB+Gang Green+UM All League Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: New Jersey Posts: 2,612	Drunk stories College gave me a couple of stories that were pretty funny. But my favorite is one time I went to my friends college(Rutgers). My friend called me and asked if I wanted to party and I took his offer because my school is dead on the weekends. He told me that most parties there's a ratio to girls to guys. So I found three foreign exchange students from Korea and asked if they wanted to come .Once we got there we started looking for a party. And followed the sound of the loud music and we found a line outside of the house. I needed a rebound girl as well cause I broke up with my ex from Rowen. My friend agreed to be my wingman and from there we found a girl and started drinking. My friends pick up line to her was do you know were in a band. She kept asking and it was obvious we were lying but she believed it. She asked my bands name and we looked at each other and he said with the straightest face the bands name is "contagion" and she was like WTF is that. And he says we want our music to be contagious when you listen to it. But any way after she became my partner for beer pong and we went 9-0 and after 6 jungle juices I was wasted beyond belief. Next thing I know I'm in my bed. When I asked my friend what happened he looked at me and said you: -Called your ex and told her she had misshapen tits -When someone asked you to stop drinking you said hey F**k of I'm a double major -called everyone a pledge -believed I was actually In a band and called everyone a different instrument -almost peed in my roommates closet who happens to be a 6'4 black kid who has a full scholarship for basketball And remember he asians well after my friend ran around the whole campus looking for these girls he said they were at the party in the top floor with a guy screaming at him saying do under stand a word I'm saying!!! Man can't wait for sophomore year next month it's gonna be so fun. If there's any typos I'm sorry I wrote this on my iPhone

08-11-2010, 10:02 AM	#2
JStokes Hall Of Fame Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Bergen County, NJ Posts: 20,126	[QUOTE=82nd Airborne;3677484]What are your best/worst (for most part) drunk stories? * Arm slashed by concertina wire when trying to punch somebody, I swing--missed and landed on a fenced area [B]* A call-girl pepper spray my eyes because I didn't want to pay her services, she had no nipples [/B] * Blacked out and smashed my head on the ground * Arrested for disorderly conduct (somebody was making fun of my NY Jets) (took like 13 cops to get the handcuffs on me).[/QUOTE] When did you find out she had no nipples--before or after the services were performed? That's a crucial element to determining whether you shoulda paid or not. _

08-11-2010, 10:50 AM	#3
parkwayjet1 Hall Of Fame Charter JI Member Join Date: May 1999 Location: Valley Stream, N.Y. Posts: 2,890	Getting a BJ by my girlfriend in her car, when my brothers pull up alongside and yell at me to get out and get in their car, we had to leave. Forget why it was so urgent, but I stumble drunkenly out of the car with my pants falling off and proceed to trip and nearly give myself a concrete facial.

08-11-2010, 10:58 AM	#4
82nd Airborne Fugk transnational corporates! Banned Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1,768	[QUOTE=JStokes;3677521]When did you find out she had no nipples--before or after the services were performed? That's a crucial element to determining whether you shoulda paid or not. _[/QUOTE] In the middle of it...I reached to fill her nipples and I was so freaking pissed I stood up and told her to get the f-out, that's when the incoming spray blind me for a while...

08-11-2010, 11:02 AM	#5
PlumberKhan BRACE YOURSELVES FOR 12... Hall Of Fame Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Van down by the river Posts: 21,029	Got kicked out of bar for telling some boisterous drunk to stop acting like a doosh, didn't really loud drunk guy was bar owners dad. Retaliated by kicking over DirecTV dish on roof mid-game, miscalculated time it would take me to get off of said roof but was "helped off" by pissed off people who came outside to see what happened. :O

08-11-2010, 11:09 AM	#6
OrangeJet All League Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 3,946	[QUOTE=PlumberKhan;3677653]Got kicked out of bar for telling some boisterous drunk to stop acting like a doosh, didn't really loud drunk guy was bar owners dad. Retaliated by kicking over DirecTV dish on roof mid-game, miscalculated time it would take me to get off of said roof but was "helped off" by pissed off people who came outside to see what happened. :O[/QUOTE] That's good, but I prefer the one with pics of vomit in the snow....

08-11-2010, 11:19 AM	#7
PlumberKhan BRACE YOURSELVES FOR 12... Hall Of Fame Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Van down by the river Posts: 21,029	[QUOTE=OrangeJet;3677671]That's good, but I prefer the one with pics of vomit in the snow....[/QUOTE] LMAO. U guys weren't supposed to remember that :eek: Man. I was freaking TRASHED that night.

08-11-2010, 11:45 AM	#8
Jets Things All Pro Join Date: May 2003 Location: 742 Evergreen Terrace Posts: 9,426	Broke a finger drunkenly falling UP a flight of stairs during the blackout of 2003. Broke a kneecap drunkenly falling off a college girlfriend's lofted bed. No memory of incident. Kicked out of a bar (and thrown head first into the rear fender of a Toyota 4Runner) in NYC in my early 20's for pissing in the room marked "Private" instead of the mens room. Woke up in the middle of a field in Hampton Bays after a rough night at the Drift Inn. I assume the cab driver had enough of me. Dirty danced with the grandmother of a groom I barely knew at his wedding. Yeah, that girl who brought me as her date didn't really call much afterwards. Unsuccessfully tried to break into a number of houses and cars on Dune Road in Westhampton because I forgot which house was rented by my friend's brother. And most recently, got kicked out of a bar for pissing in the women's room. I like vodka.

08-11-2010, 12:25 PM	#9
Soberphobia All League Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 3,440	Driving through and over fences in a farming area while driving from brothel to brothel. Eventually we ran into a 7 foot kangaroo and totalled the car. Got King hit from behind, smashed my face into the ground from the blow, bounced back up and kept on walking whilst traversing between pubs. I had major gravel rash across my face for weeks afterwards. I didn't realise I had been hit until the next day and until someone who had witnessed it told me what had happened. Too many other incidents to really go into detail - many ones much funnier than mentioned on here, but take too much explanation.

08-11-2010, 12:51 PM	#10
32green The original road-kill pus slurper. MMMmmm pus. Board Moderator Jets Insider VIP JetsInsider.com Legend Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: The depths of Despair. Posts: 37,672	[QUOTE=Black Death;3677854]Driving through and over fences in a farming area while driving from brothel to brothel. Eventually we ran into a 7 foot kangaroo and totalled the car. Got King hit from behind, smashed my face into the ground from the blow, bounced back up and kept on walking whilst traversing between pubs. I had major gravel rash across my face for weeks afterwards. I didn't realise I had been hit until the next day and until someone who had witnessed it told me what had happened. Too many other incidents to really go into detail - many ones much funnier than mentioned on here, but take too much explanation.[/QUOTE] You prolly coulda got away with merely posting your sig... with no words. :D

08-11-2010, 02:09 PM	#11
parkwayjet1 Hall Of Fame Charter JI Member Join Date: May 1999 Location: Valley Stream, N.Y. Posts: 2,890	[QUOTE=Black Death;3677854]Driving through and over fences in a farming area while driving from brothel to brothel. Eventually we ran into a 7 foot kangaroo and totalled the car. [B]Got King hit from behind,[/B] smashed my face into the ground from the blow, bounced back up and kept on walking whilst traversing between pubs. I had major gravel rash across my face for weeks afterwards. I didn't realise I had been hit until the next day and until someone who had witnessed it told me what had happened. Too many other incidents to really go into detail - many ones much funnier than mentioned on here, but take too much explanation.[/QUOTE] The bolded part - What does that mean?

08-11-2010, 02:46 PM	#12
32green The original road-kill pus slurper. MMMmmm pus. Board Moderator Jets Insider VIP JetsInsider.com Legend Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: The depths of Despair. Posts: 37,672	[QUOTE=parkwayjet1;3678102]The bolded part - What does that mean?[/QUOTE] [IMG]http://www.stephengreenarmytage.com/images/photographer/portrait-billie-jean-king.jpg[/IMG] :eek: Blech pitooooey

08-11-2010, 02:48 PM	#13
quantum GFY Snatchez! Hall Of Fame Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: LI Posts: 17,905	I once posted the highlights of an office Christmas party here. Last time I do that. :shakehead

08-13-2010, 01:06 PM	#15
Charlie Don't Surf only posting here to look at his signature lady All League Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 502	While temporary duty (U.S.A.F.) in Fayetteville, NC (Pope AFB/Ft Bragg) I was hammered, took a taxi back to base, told the driver to pull over which he did. I opened the door and puked on two people's shoes walking by. No a$$beating somehow.

08-13-2010, 01:27 PM	#16
crossfire Day by day, night after night... Blinded by the neon light Jets Insider VIP Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 5,682	I've never been one to get in too many fights but one night me and 2 buddies were out in a bar and I was drinking lots of vodka and got hammered. Then I got the bright idea to pick a fight. I was being a total ass and finally, one guy decided to fight me. Apparently I threw a right hook that was so telegraphed that my 2 buddies went into hysterics as the guy easily ducked underneath and then threw his shoulder into my gut and drove me backward into a wall. He took a few swings at my mid section but as he looked up, I nailed him with an upper-cut to the jaw. He stumbled backwards and I unleashed about 4 or 5 good shots to his face. His knees were wobbling and he was about to go down and I was feeling pretty damn good about myself until I realized that 4 bouncers were running right at me with fists loaded. I proceeded to take a beating.:D I just ducked and covered until the fists stopped pounding me. As I was being escorted from the bar, slightly bloodied and battered, I was talking sh!t to the guy. He was also bloody and bruised and I challenged him to take the fight outside. Fortunately he had enough and didn't take me up on it because no sooner did I get to my buddies car when I began to puke my guts out. That was my last bar fight.

08-14-2010, 06:15 PM	#18
FF2® Believes Sloppy Guy was involved JetsInsider.com Legend Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 46,223	[QUOTE=Green Jets & Ham;3682761]I was prepared to [B]cap her pimp[/B] if he opened his yap[/QUOTE] :eek: Glenn gettin' all ghetto!!!