future obits for hampur members - Page 3

Borgoguy · 02-09-2011, 04:26 PM

[QUOTE=Fishooked;3955535]It reminded me of this picture -

[IMG]http://wackyiraqi.com/wtf/dildo_dishwasher.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]

LOL! Pray your hard drive is never confiscated.

Fishooked · 02-09-2011, 04:31 PM

[QUOTE=Borgoguy;3955542]LOL! Pray your hard drive is never confiscated.[/QUOTE]

Always hotlink. Always ;)

RaoulDuke · 02-09-2011, 04:46 PM

Plumber "Genghis" Kahn's body was officially identified after a practical joke turned ugly at the annual Ronald Reagan Convention. PK, as his friends called him, burst into the auditorium carrying a hammer and sickle yelling "metal up your ass". M. Kahn had also shaved his head and drawn a large birthmark in his head. Police are still trying to understand the events and mélée that ensued which ended with Mr. Kahn's death. Autopsy revealed high levels of alcohol and marijuana.

32green · 02-09-2011, 04:56 PM

[I]Angus "FF2@" Greenberg, 51.

Suddenly, on Feb. 2, 2011.

Angus, the long time proprietor of "I'll give you a nickel for it" a downtown Providence pawnshop, was found bound and gagg-balled in the shop basement in what the Police are calling a sado-masochistic crime of passion.

Police sources revealed that they are questioning a person of interest in the slaying, Angelo "The big Ragu" Campanale, also known locally as The gimp.

Police would not comment on the theory that the slaying was related to Greenbergs alleged hobby of taunting Jets fans on an internet chat board.

Greenberg, a long time Patriots Season ticket holder was well known in the neighborhood. "He didnt name that shop innacurately, I'll tell you that." said resident Sean Markham. "He's prolly got 5 of my guitars in there for which I got about 40 bucks altogether. I'm guessing the Gimp was another satisfied customer....or a Jet fan, lol".[/I]

-

Timmy® · 02-09-2011, 05:12 PM

[QUOTE=32green;3955598][I]

Angus, the long time proprietor of "I'll give you a nickel for it" [/I]

-[/QUOTE]

LMAO:D

Jungle Shift Jet · 02-09-2011, 05:18 PM

[QUOTE=quantum;3955191]This will end in tragedy by the middle of page 2.[/QUOTE]

This thread is an oB!TCHuary

Timmy® · 02-09-2011, 05:29 PM

I'm actually writing an obituary for a member of my wife's family -that's what gave me the idea. I have to make sure I don't accidentally send 82nd Airbournes obit to the paper.

RaoulDuke · 02-09-2011, 05:31 PM

[QUOTE=Timmy®;3955623]I'm actually writing an obituary for a member of my wife's family -that's what gave me the idea. I have to make sure I don't accidentally send 82nd Airbournes obit to the paper.[/QUOTE]
LOL :D

Borgoguy · 02-09-2011, 06:17 PM

Edward Thomas "Kelly" Jorgensen, a former oil derrick mechanic for Esso (now Exxon) and before his demise an amateur bare knuckles boxer/part time actor, was killed tragically today in his adopted hometown of Tårnby, Denmark. The mishap occurred during a rehearsal for a one woman show "Kelly" (as he preferred to be addressed even though it belied his hulking six-foot-seven-inch frame) had written, and was in the process of staging, honoring his long-time idol, the late Totie Fields. No details pertaining to the tragedy were readily available, as were plausible explanations, as to why a prop prosthetic leg suddenly exploded, decapitating the burly Jorgensen, who many likened to a taller, significantly more muscular, and not as attractive version of TV's Edward Asner. Details on funeral arrangements will be released later today, or when a substitute head can be located and attached. Kelly was 63.

WestCoastOffensive · 02-09-2011, 07:09 PM

[QUOTE=AFCEastFan;3955422]Noted lothario, guitarist, Marc Bolan enthusiast, and Jets fan Borgo Guy passed away today at the age of 69. He was last known fan of the band Uriah Heep. Although his death occurred [I]in flagrante delicto[/I], he was known to have been suffering from early-onset Alzheimer's first diagnosed by medical expert and noted life-saver, Jetswin, a long-time internet acquaintance. In addition to Jetswin, survivors include his wife, his extensive collection of soft-core pornography, and his brothers Ray and Buddy.[/QUOTE]

LOL

Justice is served. I was wondering who would render the "final passage" for our magical wordsmith and board beautifier.

PatriotReign · 02-09-2011, 07:17 PM

Reminds me of a Curb episode where Larry writes an obit for his wife's beloved aunt...he mistakenly uses a 'c' in the place of 'a' in the word aunt.:D

PatriotReign · 02-09-2011, 07:24 PM

[QUOTE=Borgoguy;3955691]Edward Thomas "Kelly" Jorgensen, a former oil derrick mechanic for Esso (now Exxon) and before his demise an amateur bare knuckles boxer/part time actor, was killed tragically today in his adopted hometown of Tårnby, Denmark. The mishap occurred during a rehearsal for a one woman show "Kelly" (as he preferred to be addressed even though it belied his hulking six-foot-seven-inch frame) had written, and was in the process of staging, honoring his long-time idol, the late Totie Fields. No details pertaining to the tragedy were readily available, as were plausible explanations, as to why a prop prosthetic leg suddenly exploded, decapitating the burly Jorgensen, who many likened to a taller, significantly more muscular, and not as attractive version of TV's Edward Asner. Details on funeral arrangements will be released later today, or when a substitute head can be located and attached. Kelly was 63.[/QUOTE]

I heard Kelly died from a heart attack after repeated and frantic attempts failed to dislodge his finger from the depression where the[B] [SIZE="4"]~[/SIZE] [/B]key used to be.

Timmy® · 02-09-2011, 08:19 PM

Hampur restaurant critic Southtown was found dead early Saturday morning, he was famous for writing lengthy restaurant critiques without a single period or comma. The apparent murder is unsolved. Police Investigators suspected the crime was likely committed by a restaurant owner who received a harsh review from SouthTown and questioned all who had their restaurants featured in his blog. This theory was soon refuted however as all owners stated they read their restaurant critique several times and couldn't tell if the reviews were positive or negative.

FF2® · 02-09-2011, 09:00 PM

More unfunny cliquey self-referential circle jerking.

[SIZE="1"]shakes cane[/SIZE]

Timmy® · 02-09-2011, 09:04 PM

[QUOTE=FF2®;3955855]More unfunny cliquey self-referential circle jerking.

[SIZE="1"]shakes cane[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

now you're dead

32green · 02-09-2011, 09:06 PM

[QUOTE=FF2®;3955855]More unfunny cliquey self-referential circle jerking.

[SIZE="1"]shakes cane[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

40 bucks for 5 guitars.

:shakehead

:dunno:

-

FF2® · 02-09-2011, 09:14 PM

[QUOTE=32green;3955864]40 bucks for 5 guitars.

:shakehead

:dunno:

-[/QUOTE]

apparently its the off-season for funny too.

32green · 02-09-2011, 09:19 PM

[QUOTE=FF2®;3955871]apparently its the off-season for funny too.[/QUOTE]

I'll be here all week.

.

Timmy® · 02-09-2011, 09:26 PM

FF2, the one time funny Hampur man drove into the Charles River Saturday morning, evidently his brakes failed. A survey of Boston area brake shops
revealed FF2 had been shopping around for several months but was livid about the exorbitant rates. He told one shop owner that "money doesn't grow on trees and he wasn't about to take a bath on a brake job". He took his final bath in the Charles River on Saturday and will be missed.

Hampur members who are very old with exceptional memories may remember that FF2 was once a very funny guy. One Hampur member who requested anonymity stated that he hasn't seen such a sudden downward spiral since Sally Struthers.

Hampur members will miss his early gems and even his more recent typical responses like "Dump" and "this thread sucks". They'd like to think he's in heaven playing his factory-seconds bagpipes with Gary Moore.

JetsFan2012 · 02-09-2011, 09:43 PM

[QUOTE=Borgoguy;3955691]Edward Thomas "Kelly" Jorgensen, a former oil derrick mechanic for Esso (now Exxon) and before his demise an amateur bare knuckles boxer/part time actor, was killed tragically today in his adopted hometown of Tårnby, Denmark. The mishap occurred during a rehearsal for a one woman show "Kelly" (as he preferred to be addressed even though it belied his hulking six-foot-seven-inch frame) had written, and was in the process of staging, honoring his long-time idol, the late Totie Fields. No details pertaining to the tragedy were readily available, as were plausible explanations, as to why a prop prosthetic leg suddenly exploded, decapitating the burly Jorgensen, who many likened to a taller, significantly more muscular, and not as attractive version of TV's Edward Asner. Details on funeral arrangements will be released later today, or when a substitute head can be located and attached. Kelly was 63.[/QUOTE]

Borgo, your obits are absolutely brilliant. Timmy laid the foundation and you totally owned this thread. I love the made-up full names too. I can tell you used to be a comedy writer.

Do me next. :D

02-09-2011, 06:17 PM	#49
Borgoguy Not one image until my posts are restored. Veteran Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,436	Edward Thomas "Kelly" Jorgensen, a former oil derrick mechanic for Esso (now Exxon) and before his demise an amateur bare knuckles boxer/part time actor, was killed tragically today in his adopted hometown of Tårnby, Denmark. The mishap occurred during a rehearsal for a one woman show "Kelly" (as he preferred to be addressed even though it belied his hulking six-foot-seven-inch frame) had written, and was in the process of staging, honoring his long-time idol, the late Totie Fields. No details pertaining to the tragedy were readily available, as were plausible explanations, as to why a prop prosthetic leg suddenly exploded, decapitating the burly Jorgensen, who many likened to a taller, significantly more muscular, and not as attractive version of TV's Edward Asner. Details on funeral arrangements will be released later today, or when a substitute head can be located and attached. Kelly was 63. Last edited by Borgoguy; 02-09-2011 at 06:44 PM.

02-09-2011, 08:19 PM	#53
Timmy® JI's own Reverend Jim. Hall Of Fame Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Vermont Posts: 23,523	Hampur restaurant critic Southtown was found dead early Saturday morning, he was famous for writing lengthy restaurant critiques without a single period or comma. The apparent murder is unsolved. Police Investigators suspected the crime was likely committed by a restaurant owner who received a harsh review from SouthTown and questioned all who had their restaurants featured in his blog. This theory was soon refuted however as all owners stated they read their restaurant critique several times and couldn't tell if the reviews were positive or negative. Last edited by Timmy®; 02-09-2011 at 08:33 PM.

02-09-2011, 09:04 PM	#55
Timmy® JI's own Reverend Jim. Hall Of Fame Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Vermont Posts: 23,523	[QUOTE=FF2®;3955855]More unfunny cliquey self-referential circle jerking. [SIZE="1"]shakes cane[/SIZE][/QUOTE] now you're dead Last edited by Timmy®; 02-09-2011 at 09:44 PM.

02-09-2011, 04:26 PM	#41
Borgoguy Not one image until my posts are restored. Veteran Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,436	[QUOTE=Fishooked;3955535]It reminded me of this picture - [IMG]http://wackyiraqi.com/wtf/dildo_dishwasher.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE] LOL! Pray your hard drive is never confiscated.

02-09-2011, 04:31 PM	#42
Fishooked dealin' out shithands Hall Of Fame Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: teh interwebz Posts: 24,725	[QUOTE=Borgoguy;3955542]LOL! Pray your hard drive is never confiscated.[/QUOTE] Always hotlink. Always ;)

02-09-2011, 04:46 PM	#43
RaoulDuke Son of Ham Hall Of Fame Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Paris, France Posts: 11,872	Plumber "Genghis" Kahn's body was officially identified after a practical joke turned ugly at the annual Ronald Reagan Convention. PK, as his friends called him, burst into the auditorium carrying a hammer and sickle yelling "metal up your ass". M. Kahn had also shaved his head and drawn a large birthmark in his head. Police are still trying to understand the events and mélée that ensued which ended with Mr. Kahn's death. Autopsy revealed high levels of alcohol and marijuana.

02-09-2011, 04:56 PM	#44
32green The original road-kill pus slurper. MMMmmm pus. Board Moderator Jets Insider VIP JetsInsider.com Legend Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: The depths of Despair. Posts: 37,672	[I]Angus "FF2@" Greenberg, 51. Suddenly, on Feb. 2, 2011. Angus, the long time proprietor of "I'll give you a nickel for it" a downtown Providence pawnshop, was found bound and gagg-balled in the shop basement in what the Police are calling a sado-masochistic crime of passion. Police sources revealed that they are questioning a person of interest in the slaying, Angelo "The big Ragu" Campanale, also known locally as The gimp. Police would not comment on the theory that the slaying was related to Greenbergs alleged hobby of taunting Jets fans on an internet chat board. Greenberg, a long time Patriots Season ticket holder was well known in the neighborhood. "He didnt name that shop innacurately, I'll tell you that." said resident Sean Markham. "He's prolly got 5 of my guitars in there for which I got about 40 bucks altogether. I'm guessing the Gimp was another satisfied customer....or a Jet fan, lol".[/I] -

02-09-2011, 05:12 PM	#45
Timmy® JI's own Reverend Jim. Hall Of Fame Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Vermont Posts: 23,523	[QUOTE=32green;3955598][I] Angus, the long time proprietor of "I'll give you a nickel for it" [/I] -[/QUOTE] LMAO:D

02-09-2011, 05:18 PM	#46
Jungle Shift Jet Occasionally stoops to uploading hotties pix to boost his postcount All Pro Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Alive with a superior intellect in an erudite world of fine tastes that you will never, EVER acquire Posts: 5,045	[QUOTE=quantum;3955191]This will end in tragedy by the middle of page 2.[/QUOTE] This thread is an oB!TCHuary

02-09-2011, 05:29 PM	#47
Timmy® JI's own Reverend Jim. Hall Of Fame Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Vermont Posts: 23,523	I'm actually writing an obituary for a member of my wife's family -that's what gave me the idea. I have to make sure I don't accidentally send 82nd Airbournes obit to the paper.

02-09-2011, 05:31 PM	#48
RaoulDuke Son of Ham Hall Of Fame Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Paris, France Posts: 11,872	[QUOTE=Timmy®;3955623]I'm actually writing an obituary for a member of my wife's family -that's what gave me the idea. I have to make sure I don't accidentally send 82nd Airbournes obit to the paper.[/QUOTE] LOL :D

02-09-2011, 07:09 PM	#50
WestCoastOffensive Lying to the Smithsonian Board Moderator Jets Insider VIP Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: SF via Strong Island Posts: 26,680	[QUOTE=AFCEastFan;3955422]Noted lothario, guitarist, Marc Bolan enthusiast, and Jets fan Borgo Guy passed away today at the age of 69. He was last known fan of the band Uriah Heep. Although his death occurred [I]in flagrante delicto[/I], he was known to have been suffering from early-onset Alzheimer's first diagnosed by medical expert and noted life-saver, Jetswin, a long-time internet acquaintance. In addition to Jetswin, survivors include his wife, his extensive collection of soft-core pornography, and his brothers Ray and Buddy.[/QUOTE] LOL Justice is served. I was wondering who would render the "final passage" for our magical wordsmith and board beautifier.

02-09-2011, 07:17 PM	#51
PatriotReign Asterisks of Excellence *** All League Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Boston area Posts: 4,353	Reminds me of a Curb episode where Larry writes an obit for his wife's beloved aunt...he mistakenly uses a 'c' in the place of 'a' in the word aunt.:D

02-09-2011, 07:24 PM	#52
PatriotReign Asterisks of Excellence *** All League Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Boston area Posts: 4,353	[QUOTE=Borgoguy;3955691]Edward Thomas "Kelly" Jorgensen, a former oil derrick mechanic for Esso (now Exxon) and before his demise an amateur bare knuckles boxer/part time actor, was killed tragically today in his adopted hometown of Tårnby, Denmark. The mishap occurred during a rehearsal for a one woman show "Kelly" (as he preferred to be addressed even though it belied his hulking six-foot-seven-inch frame) had written, and was in the process of staging, honoring his long-time idol, the late Totie Fields. No details pertaining to the tragedy were readily available, as were plausible explanations, as to why a prop prosthetic leg suddenly exploded, decapitating the burly Jorgensen, who many likened to a taller, significantly more muscular, and not as attractive version of TV's Edward Asner. Details on funeral arrangements will be released later today, or when a substitute head can be located and attached. Kelly was 63.[/QUOTE] I heard Kelly died from a heart attack after repeated and frantic attempts failed to dislodge his finger from the depression where the[B] [SIZE="4"]~[/SIZE] [/B]key used to be.

02-09-2011, 09:00 PM	#54
FF2® Believes Sloppy Guy was involved JetsInsider.com Legend Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 46,223	More unfunny cliquey self-referential circle jerking. [SIZE="1"]shakes cane[/SIZE]

02-09-2011, 09:06 PM	#56
32green The original road-kill pus slurper. MMMmmm pus. Board Moderator Jets Insider VIP JetsInsider.com Legend Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: The depths of Despair. Posts: 37,672	[QUOTE=FF2®;3955855]More unfunny cliquey self-referential circle jerking. [SIZE="1"]shakes cane[/SIZE][/QUOTE] 40 bucks for 5 guitars. :shakehead :dunno: -

02-09-2011, 09:14 PM	#57
FF2® Believes Sloppy Guy was involved JetsInsider.com Legend Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 46,223	[QUOTE=32green;3955864]40 bucks for 5 guitars. :shakehead :dunno: -[/QUOTE] apparently its the off-season for funny too.

02-09-2011, 09:19 PM	#58
32green The original road-kill pus slurper. MMMmmm pus. Board Moderator Jets Insider VIP JetsInsider.com Legend Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: The depths of Despair. Posts: 37,672	[QUOTE=FF2®;3955871]apparently its the off-season for funny too.[/QUOTE] I'll be here all week. .

02-09-2011, 09:26 PM	#59
Timmy® JI's own Reverend Jim. Hall Of Fame Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Vermont Posts: 23,523	FF2, the one time funny Hampur man drove into the Charles River Saturday morning, evidently his brakes failed. A survey of Boston area brake shops revealed FF2 had been shopping around for several months but was livid about the exorbitant rates. He told one shop owner that "money doesn't grow on trees and he wasn't about to take a bath on a brake job". He took his final bath in the Charles River on Saturday and will be missed. Hampur members who are very old with exceptional memories may remember that FF2 was once a very funny guy. One Hampur member who requested anonymity stated that he hasn't seen such a sudden downward spiral since Sally Struthers. Hampur members will miss his early gems and even his more recent typical responses like "Dump" and "this thread sucks". They'd like to think he's in heaven playing his factory-seconds bagpipes with Gary Moore.

02-09-2011, 09:43 PM	#60
JetsFan2012 Waterboy Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 0	[QUOTE=Borgoguy;3955691]Edward Thomas "Kelly" Jorgensen, a former oil derrick mechanic for Esso (now Exxon) and before his demise an amateur bare knuckles boxer/part time actor, was killed tragically today in his adopted hometown of Tårnby, Denmark. The mishap occurred during a rehearsal for a one woman show "Kelly" (as he preferred to be addressed even though it belied his hulking six-foot-seven-inch frame) had written, and was in the process of staging, honoring his long-time idol, the late Totie Fields. No details pertaining to the tragedy were readily available, as were plausible explanations, as to why a prop prosthetic leg suddenly exploded, decapitating the burly Jorgensen, who many likened to a taller, significantly more muscular, and not as attractive version of TV's Edward Asner. Details on funeral arrangements will be released later today, or when a substitute head can be located and attached. Kelly was 63.[/QUOTE] Borgo, your obits are absolutely brilliant. Timmy laid the foundation and you totally owned this thread. I love the made-up full names too. I can tell you used to be a comedy writer. Do me next. :D