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Thread: Israel Dismantles; World's Problems End

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    Israel Dismantles; World's Problems End

    Persistent rhetoric coming from concerned progressive critics worldwide has finally convinced Israeli officials that the state of Israel has no moral right to exist. "That's it," Prime Minister Ariel Sharon explained at a press conference. "We are dismantling the Nation of Israel. I'm leaving for Poland next week."

    "My cabinet and I had long discussions about world troubles, and we concluded that our critics are right - all the troubles can be traced back to us. So, in order to resolve these issues, we felt it would be best to extend our withdrawal beyond Gaza to include the West Bank and Israel proper," Sharon said. "The Gaza pullout was only a test, and the ensuing waves of peace and brotherhood it had triggered in Palestine and beyond, encouraged us to disband altogether. Without us here, people of the world will finally be able, once again, to live in permanent harmony and understanding - just like they all did before Israel's founding nearly sixty years ago."

    ~
    From Russia to Morocco to Yemen to France, countries are anticipating the arrival of Israelis. In Moscow, an enormous banner was erected that read "Welcome Home, Jews." and erstwhile presidential candidate Vladimir Zhirinovsky exclaimed, "I'm going to bake a huge batch of cookies for this homecoming!" And in cities throughout Germany, joyous "Judenfests" were ubiquitous, as local citizens were arranging festivals to celebrate the Jewish arrival. German foreign minister Joschka Fischer indicated that, "For some reason, the Jewish presence in Germany is low by historical standards; many of our citizens under the age of 70 have never even met a Jew. In addition to curing the world's problems, the dismantling of Israel will give our people the opportunity to achieve their main wish in life - to live with Jews."

    Similarly, the new Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has kicked off a popular "Iran-loves-Jews" campaign that will include a sensitive re-writing of the laws to accommodate religions other than Islam. He explained, "With the Zionist entity out of the way, the Iranian government will tone down its violent and threatening rhetoric, dismantle its nuclear program, and stop funding Hezbollah and other terrorist groups. As a matter of fact, I might even resign my position and award the presidency to someone else. Do you think Schwarzenegger is available?"

    A spokesperson for Hezbollah stated that Iran's proposal wouldn't matter. "We don't need the funding because we no longer have any reason to exist. We disposed of our weapons, and will now re-focus on opening a chain of pizzerias. You just can't get decent pizza around here, and we're going to change that."

    He was joined by a former high-ranking member of Hamas: "Yeah, we also pretty much accomplished what we wanted. We'll get together for reunions now and then, but otherwise, we'll just settle down into normal lifestyles. You know... mortgage, house, bowling, PTA meetings..."

    Al Qaeda has also released a statement that read: "As the entire world knows, the Zionist presence in our Holy Palestine has been the only reason for our existence. This is why we attacked the World Trade Center and why we murdered Americans in Iraq. It's why we bombed Paris, London, and Bali, why we exploded buildings in Saudi Arabia, and why we enabled murders and terrorist activities in Thailand, Kashmir, Russia, Morocco, Nigeria, India, and the Philippines. But now, with Palestine returned to our brothers, all operations will cease. This is effective immediately and is irrevocable. We will now form The International Peace Corps and of course pay reparations to the non-Israelis who we murdered."

    In the new country of Palestine, there are already signs of promise. President Abu Mazen elaborated, "We're adopting the American Constitution as our legal model. We believe that our future is in limited government; free markets, rule of law, respect for contracts and individual rights. And by attracting foreign investment, our highly educated and motivated workforce will soon become the most affluent in the region. In our own country, we will bring to fruition all the programs that we started in refugee camps, such as our breakthroughs in medicine, education, applied and theoretical sciences, nanotechnology, and space exploration."

    When asked why these breakthroughs were not previously revealed, he replied, "Yassir always wanted an open and liberal society that encouraged free thought, free expression, and academic exploration, but it was impossible with the Zionist enemy next door. But now, our pent-up contributions in science and the humanities will finally be released. With this release of pressure, our accomplishments will explode faster than our martyrs used to!"

    But most significantly, the end of Israel will have a large impact on United States policy. In an earlier press conference, President Bush had these words:

    "As we all know, the only reason for our toppling of Saddam Hussein was to obey my superiors, the well-funded Zionist lobby, without understanding why. However, as Israel no longer exists, we will immediately withdraw all American troops from Iraq, suspend their new constitution, and halt all construction of schools and hospitals. But most importantly, we will be returning Saddam Hussein to his presidency, and pay him FEMA reparations for the Israeli-ordered murder of his sons.

    "Furthermore, I want to extend an invitation to my colleague and close personal friend, Jacques Chirac, to rebuild French nuclear reactors in Iraq. Saddam Hussein needs nuclear weapons, and this time, the Israelis will not be around to destroy them.

    "To our friend Saddam Hussein, America says, 'Can you forgive us?' Israel lied, we lied, I lied, and everyone died. We know that it was because of Israel that you praised the September 11th attacks, and that you sheltered terrorists, and that you (rightfully) wanted nuclear weapons, and that you gassed the Kurds, and buried thousands in mass graves. Certainly, any dictator who blatantly expresses delight at watching Americans die, has a track record of invading other countries, uses chemical weapons, and actively seeks nuclear weapons could never in any way be even a remote threat to the United States. And now, with Israel out of the way, we are proud to welcome President Saddam Hussein back into our family of nations."

    One particular family of nations is very concerned, "With Israel gone, there's nothing left for us to do," says a United Nations staffer. "Since the world's conflicts will be over, we're worried that they won't need us any more." An anonymous U.N. delegate shared his concern: "I've even heard that they considered converting the U.N. building into condominiums, but there are too many cockroaches. Why would that matter? In my country, we pay a premium to live with cockroaches!"

    The most important opinion came from the mourning Cindy Sheehan, with a nation hanging onto her every pearl of maternal insight: "Thank goodness this is over and I can now disappear into obscurity. And...wait a minute...is that my son speaking? Yes it is! He is saying,"Mother...mother...I am so grateful that Israel no longer exists! Mother, I am so happy that no other helpless children, like myself, will ever die in wars again!"

    A large group of neo-Nazis who happened to be visiting Ms. Sheehan at the moment seemed upbeat: "With Israel gone, we'll be shutting down our web sites and closing meeting centers. Now that our job is done, you'll never hear from us again."

    David Duke agreed. Contacted at his home, he said that he was leaving politics. "My life's work is finished; no more politics for me. I'm taking down my web site, too. Think I'll quietly live out my days in front of the TV."

    And finally, Kim Jung-il of North Korea has promised to free his nation. "Whatever it takes," he said. "Now that I no longer have to waste my days worrying about Israel, I had time to read Atlas Shrugged and suddenly realized what an idiot I've been all these years. Do you think South Koreans would mind if we dismantle the border and join forces in generating capitalist wealth?"


    http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=307

  2. #2
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    You know what, doggin?

    Anti-Semitism has lost its stigma, especially in Europe, but increasingly in America as well

    Forget the middle east ... stigma shmigma ... Anti-Semitism is celebrated in the middle east, and I mean the hardcore, no doubt about it, Mein Kampf version of Anti-Semitism

    Admittedly its a little more subtle in America, a little less subtle in Europe, but downright Mein Kampf'ish in the Mid-East

    Bottom line: Anti-Semitism has become socially accepted, even hip .. its now hip to bash Israel and blame the Jews

    That most of it is eminating from the hard left {in the west}, at least the kind that is taken serious {not marginalized}, shouldn't surprise you ... did you think they would limit their disdain to Christians forever? ... this was inevitable, and I have a friend who predicted it 25 Years ago ... he said the next great wave of Anti-Semitism would eminate from the left, he told me how, he told me why, and he absolutely nailed it

    I would imagine this current climate is growing increasingly similar to the late 1930's
    Last edited by Green Jets & Ham; 08-18-2006 at 02:39 AM.

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    ITS...


    DA DADA!

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    Plumber Khan, what's next, fart noises?

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    no one is saying destroy israel or disband israel but i'll give em two options either join the union or take care of yourselves have a good life

    we have too many problems in our own country and protecting our own country to have to worry about a nation of 6 million against 1 billion

    what this really is about is the holy land if Israel didn't sit on the historical home of Jesus and Mary i doubt that bible belt christians would give a damn

    it's the crusades part 120

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    Quote Originally Posted by bitonti
    no one is saying destroy israel or disband israel but i'll give em two options either join the union or take care of yourselves have a good life

    we have too many problems in our own country and protecting our own country to have to worry about a nation of 6 million against 1 billion

    what this really is about is the holy land if Israel didn't sit on the historical home of Jesus and Mary i doubt that bible belt christians would give a damn

    it's the crusades part 120

    For someone who is well educated you really are a profoundly ignorant person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jet Moses
    Plumber Khan, what's next, fart noises?

    Either that or I just go stark raving mad and start throwing vulgarities and put-downs to every poster that doesn't agree with me

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    Just think, now that Israel has disbanded we can send all the Muslims back to the Middle East and I say good riddance. Welcome aboard Air Palestine I hope there are no Saudi pilots!

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    Quote Originally Posted by jets5ever
    For someone who is well educated you really are a profoundly ignorant person.
    maybe i can be president one day.

  10. #10
    flushingjet
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    Quote Originally Posted by bitonti
    no one is saying destroy israel or disband israel but i'll give em two options either join the union or take care of yourselves have a good life

    we have too many problems in our own country and protecting our own country to have to worry about a nation of 6 million against 1 billion

    what this really is about is the holy land if Israel didn't sit on the historical home of Jesus and Mary i doubt that bible belt christians would give a damn

    it's the crusades part 120

    Ya know, those Jordyptians, er "Palestinians"
    have been sucking off the world's teat for decades.
    To the tune of billions and billions of $.
    Haven't contributed a darn thing to themselves or the world in return
    except death & destruction.
    Can't even tend to greenhouses handed to them giftwrapped with a bow on top
    Their streets could be paved with gold by now
    Why don't we all let those leeches fend for themselves
    At least Israel gives us something in return

    Yeah I'm all for cutting off all foreign aid
    Start with $2B/year to Egypt
    Why stop there
    Lets cut off all welfare
    Dump a few noncontributing states like Lousy-ana
    Thatll fix everything
    -------------------------------

    Um...it isnt just Bible Belt Christians that care about Israel.
    I've heard a rumor there are some Italians that care as well.

    Football, you might understand a little. I thought you knew more
    but lately there are huge cracks in the facade

    Politically, spiritually and economically speaking you have a sick, uninformed mind getting iller by the minute

  11. #11
    Jets Insider VIP
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    anyone notice the frogs, who pushed for the "cease-fire" and pledged 15,000 troops are now saying they will send 2000 troops to the region???


    This is Israel's fault for accepting this cease fire.....

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    Similarly, the new Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has kicked off a popular "Iran-loves-Jews" campaign...

    This just in: its actually a "Iran-loves-Jews-for dinner" campaign...


    Its a cookbook! OMG, its a cookbook!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Come Back to NY
    anyone notice the frogs, who pushed for the "cease-fire" and pledged 15,000 troops are now saying they will send 2000 troops to the region???


    This is Israel's fault for accepting this cease fire.....
    The total of all combined "UN" troops is 15,000. France isn't even sending close to 2,000. They are sending 400! And that even counts the 200 useless ones that are already there! So, really, they are sending 200 troops.

    You're absolutely right...Israel was utterly foolish to accept this cease-fire.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Green Jets & Ham
    You know what, doggin?

    Anti-Semitism has lost its stigma, especially in Europe, but increasingly in America as well

    Forget the middle east ... stigma shmigma ... Anti-Semitism is celebrated in the middle east, and I mean the hardcore, no doubt about it, Mein Kampf version of Anti-Semitism

    Admittedly its a little more subtle in America, a little less subtle in Europe, but downright Mein Kampf'ish in the Mid-East

    Bottom line: Anti-Semitism has become socially accepted, even hip .. its now hip to bash Israel and blame the Jews

    That most of it is eminating from the hard left {in the west}, at least the kind that is taken serious {not marginalized}, shouldn't surprise you ... did you think they would limit their disdain to Christians forever? ... this was inevitable, and I have a friend who predicted it 25 Years ago ... he said the next great wave of Anti-Semitism would eminate from the left, he told me how, he told me why, and he absolutely nailed it

    I would imagine this current climate is growing increasingly similar to the late 1930's
    The left has always been at best ambivilant toward religion and at worst tried to destroy it. The real danger to Israel and Jews in my mind still comes from Islamic Nationalists which to me is still a right wing movement not a liberal movement.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Winstonbiggs
    The left has always been at best ambivilant toward religion and at worst tried to destroy it. The real danger to Israel and Jews in my mind still comes from Islamic Nationalists which to me is still a right wing movement not a liberal movement.
    True, but the threat of Islamic Fascists to Israel would be lessened were the liberal countries of Europe more steadfast in their opposition to it and support of Israel. The Euros are essentially wimps who blame Israel, thus making the Islamic Fascists' job much easier. The quite recent and quite horrible history of violent anti-semitism in Europe is no help, either.

  16. #16
    flushingjet
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winstonbiggs
    The left has always been at best ambivilant toward religion and at worst tried to destroy it. The real danger to Israel and Jews in my mind still comes from Islamic Nationalists which to me is still a right wing movement not a liberal movement.
    Thats a hot one
    Libs lumping Islamo-kooks with the American Right Wing
    They wouldnt know a right wing from a Buffalo wing
    Buchanan maybe-does he represent the entire right wing?
    Right wingers are for Religious Freedom not Intolerance
    Right wingers are for Laissez-Faire economics and Market
    Economies in General
    How are those espoused by the likes of Hezbollah
    Right wingers are Nationalistic to be sure
    Islamic Nationalism is more Global in nature
    Dar-Al-Islam, the Ummah etc

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    Quote Originally Posted by flushingjet
    Thats a hot one
    Libs lumping Islamo-kooks with the American Right Wing
    They wouldnt know a right wing from a Buffalo wing
    Buchanan maybe-does he represent the entire right wing?
    Right wingers are for Religious Freedom not Intolerance
    Right wingers are for Laissez-Faire economics and Market
    Economies in General
    How are those espoused by the likes of Hezbollah
    Right wingers are Nationalistic to be sure
    Islamic Nationalism is more Global in nature
    Dar-Al-Islam, the Ummah etc

    I don't consider the Conservatives in this country right wing fascists nor do I consider the left wing in this country Commies. Most of the left and the right in this country is fairly centrist. I didn't say American right wing did I. I consider fascism a little further right than the typical conservative member of the Republican party in the US. Don't be so defensive.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by bitonti
    no one is saying destroy israel or disband israel but i'll give em two options either join the union or take care of yourselves have a good life

    we have too many problems in our own country and protecting our own country to have to worry about a nation of 6 million against 1 billion

    what this really is about is the holy land if Israel didn't sit on the historical home of Jesus and Mary i doubt that bible belt christians would give a damn

    it's the crusades part 120

    Interesting since the Jews deny that Christ is the Messiah, so I'm not too sure why this would matter. And I think Israel could probably take care of themselves fine....

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum
    Similarly, the new Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has kicked off a popular "Iran-loves-Jews" campaign...

    This just in: its actually a "Iran-loves-Jews-for dinner" campaign...


    Its a cookbook! OMG, its a cookbook!

    Rod Serling invades the Middle East!!

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by jets5ever
    True, but the threat of Islamic Fascists to Israel would be lessened were the liberal countries of Europe more steadfast in their opposition to it and support of Israel. The Euros are essentially wimps who blame Israel, thus making the Islamic Fascists' job much easier. The quite recent and quite horrible history of violent anti-semitism in Europe is no help, either.
    Very true J5 but as is so often the case all politics is local and Europe has a very different set of circumstances than the US. Fortunately the US has always had the backbone to be out front even though the cost is often extremely high.

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