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  1. #1
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    question

    Well.........Im getting divorced. Married 7/7/07 Dated for 6 yrs. Any help is appreciated.

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    You have only been married for 6 months and you are getting divorced?
    What possibly happened in the 1st 6 months of marriage that you did not find out from dating her for 6 years?

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    Wow, I'm speechless. Terribly sorry to hear. You've been the envy of many a board member. Been there myself and I know how painful it is. Is this amicable or adversarial (i.e., for cause)? If you're leaving her, be careful not to give up the ship too quickly just to move on. There are so many complexities with these situations depending on who is leaving, what the reasons are, if there are kids involved, debts, property, etc. Hold your head up and keep the high ground, whatever else happens.

  4. #4
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    My sympathies, man. Best of luck to you no matter what happens.

  5. #5
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    Because of the short term of the marriage on the surface it sounds to be uncomplicated. Try to avoid lawyers (most cases they are the only real winners) look into divorce mediation. Good luck!

  6. #6
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    For those who care or have the time to read. This was my last straw. This was my last email to try and save it. She is 8yrs younger that me.

    Laura Cupp wrote:

    That is one of the most heartfelt things I have ever read. She is blessed to have had any time with you at all. I can only hope she realizes that before it is too late. You are a great person and so few people would ever be willing to do what you are doing and willing to do. We all want happiness for you, in whatever form that comes. I wish you the best possible outcome from this. Thanks for sharing with me, I so wish this wasnt happening, but in some weird way this is one crazy character builder!! We'll chat soon. Laura

    P.Testa wrote:

    ___________________________________

    I told you I'm not going down without a fight. I realize I have almost no life left in me, but I just wanted to share a few highlights of us that have been on my mind. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! LOR! I'm Flappin my wings! Excuse me sir!

    **Please read with ONLY good thoughts. We all know about the bad times and they are done and gone with. Nows the time to think positive. It may be hard, but please try.

    I remeber the first night I met you. Your hair pulled back and braided. Joe and Jessica left us alone at the table. It was akwerd to say the least. You telling me about your art dreams. Playing with the football in Joe's car. And the drama at your apartment. I watched you walk to the apartment door only wishing there was something I could do to help you get through that night. But I was shy and just met you.

    I remember Maria's wedding. I remember picking you up at your apartment. Yes, you may have been pale in color, but you were glowing the whole night. We had fun. There are pictures to proove that. Salty Grog's was crazy and so were we. But only half as crazy as we would be an hour after. Then helping you move a few things the next day. I was proud that I was able to and asked to help you.

    I remember our first date like it was yesterday. Queesryche 2003. I may not have been completely infatuated with your look, but I asked you to go because there was something about you that stood out. I could have A) not gone. B) gone by myself. C) gone with a friend. but I chose D) with you. I had such a fun time that night. The flee market villiage, the concert, jumping over the fence, being with you at your apartment.

    I remember being in NYC with Dave, Bogan and Canterino. December 2003. They were all talking to these two girls from New Jersey. I sipped my beer at the ESPN Zone and thought of you.

    I remember us always together and going out all the time. What crazy money we spent on night life. I remember being jealous if you were taliking to a guy (but never showed it) as well as you would be if I did'nt introduce you to a girl. I remember going to your apartment night after night, sometimes sneaking out through your window because I was ashamed that I left so soon. I remember sneaking you into my parents back yard to show you the block wall I was building around the pool. I was so excited to show you it.

    I remember our first 'real' date. It was after a cigar store dinner at Johnny's on Fat Tuesday. I was weraing my slacks and a leather coat. We went to bw3's and sat at a table and then on to Pal Joey's. What a night. I was so proud to be with you that night.

    I remember when you met my dad. We were all hanging at my parents bar. He was late comming home from an Indians game. You wanted to leave, but stayed to meet him. I only wanted that to happen because I wanted him to meet such a nice girl that his son was talking to. **This is when I think I really fell in love with you.

    I remember going to Jamie Maher's wedding. You were drop dead gorgeaous!!! I got intimidated in the lobby receiving line as someone talking to my mom said I was thin. The picture of us from this night will forever live in me.

    I remember the first time you took me to meet your parents. Gary's graduation, May 2004. Your brother told me to call you Lumpy and everyone laughed. Your mom and dad were nice to finally meet. I remember sitting in the lawn chairs behind the barn while the guys played volleyball. And then afterward we went to Giant Eagle to buy supplies to make dinner for Dave and Brian Richey by the pool.

    I remember us taking Brutus for his first walk in the park (2004). Mill Creek Park. It was hot. My parents were out of town. We brought bottled water for him. Took him to the fish pond where he scared a little black girl. The next day is when he jumped into the pool. I called and called you. You rushed over to calm him, and me.

    I remember the Van Halen concert we went to. Tailgating with Carrie and Jim and Lou and Dave from NY. Good time. Although it turned a little bad. It was a good time.

    I remeber our 1st and 2nd trip to NYC. Try and forget the bad parts of the trips for once. 1st trip we had lunch at O'Lunney's Irish Pub. We walked and walked and walked. We got you new shoes and went to Wal-Mart every day. We saw the WTC site. It was warm and Halloween time. We couldnt find the right side of the street during the massive parade. It was warm and you had a tank top on. We went to South Strret Seaport and looked at the Brooklyn Bridge. We went to Macy's and, yes, bought you a white button up. We saw the Naked Cowboy. 2nd trip (same year) all the same sight seeing and fun (minus the last night). Getting lost the next day in NJ. Listening to the George Bush results of the election on the way home.

    I remember us looking to buy our house. Sled riding the day of going to look at it. Being so nervous the day of making an offer. Going to the classes for our financing. We actually went out for St. Patrick's Day the night before our first class. Meeting one on one with the counselor. And then getting approved. We couldnt wait. I called Christine the day before to ask where to pick up the keys and she screamed at me. Then watching from my parents driveway to see when she was finally out. We had all of your things in my truck. Super Day! We ended up peeling wallpaper all day!

    KWS Band Concert at B&B. Boy was I jealous! (July 2005)

    I remember Best Buy appliance buying. Went in with a budget and came out with all stainless steel Kitchen-Aid. My Goodness, what were we thinking! Ann is a good talker and knows her s**t!

    3rd NYC trip. Top Of The Rock was great. Roosevelt Island was great. More trips to Wal-Mart for pillows, blackets, etc. Met some Crazy Jets fans before, during, and after the game.

    Kitchen is done. Ahh.....finally move in year (2006). Sleeping in your double bed with Brutus. How in the Hell did we manage?

    More home-reno's. Having Big Frank over to demolish our pool. Boy, yet another hard year of work.

    Time to go back to NYC. This time with the Swanteks! Shea Stadium, Corona Park, Acme Bar and Grille, Swift. A Jets Win!

    -------------2007-------------------

    Going to look at tuxedos in February. Real bad snow storm. Eliza is born and somehow I find my way to the hospital. Jalescos afterwards.

    Pictures in March with Lisa in Hermitage. So excited, warm day. Smokey Bones afterwards. Taking you to Mill Creek Park on the trails. It was snowing and we left your car on the side of the road. Thats we decided to get you some Whoop-Ass which was over-priced, ha! North Face shoes. Then finally putting those shoes to the test on a warm April Sunday in the park.

    The Indy Car race in Cleveland. I remember us having no idea where to park, go, or get tickets. We ended up with some damn fine tickets. We had on flip-flops. Walking through the dirt roads. You got a sausage sandwich, me a gyro. You a Mikes Lemonade, me a few beers. It was hot that day. We were dirty. But who cared. It was so much fun. Dinner afterwards at Hard Rock. This was one of my favorite times with you! Home to see the Reese's at my parents pool.

    Wedding Wedding Wedding planning. As much as it was fun, it was crazy. Where to have this, where to have that, who to invite? It never ended. Meetings with father Shori. Classes with the Eck's. Menu planning with the Maronite Center, Hauling all the booze, beer, and supplies the day before to the Maronite with dad, Uncle John Yak, and Ray Jahn. After all was said and done, it worked out. I was so exited. I may not have showed it the entire time, but I was. It was so overwhelming. I told your dad you looked beautiful. Him in his cowboy boots. Laughing during the sermon on the alter. Lisa was great, the band was great, the cake was great, the peolple were great, the wedding party was great, our parents were great. Waking up the next day just to run into your sister at Wal-Mart Salem. How crazy was that?

    Lori, I'm not the smartest guy at times, but I truly do love you. I would'nt sit and type this whole thing if I did'nt care about us. I admitted to my faults and all I asked was for a chance to redeem myself to you and forgiveness. Nobody is perfect and I will not use that as an excuse. But I will ask for forgiveness and a chance. I am going to try and meet with Father Shori on Thursday or Friday to discuss this situation, I have to call back on Thursday. I had no one else to talk to. I dont want to drown my parents in this and frankly didnt care how Edith handled this. In my mind, Edith meant there was nothing else she could do fo our marriage before counseling you, and maybe even me, before going back to couples. If not, she has only heard the one side. We all had dinner at Carchetti's tonight on Marc. It was strange not being with you and everyone asking where you were. I think there are some people that want me to move on, but I am I. I dont care what other people think. If I want to stay in the fight, they should be happy for me, and you. We had our good times, and bad, not them. I didnt marry them. All I ask is you would consider giving it a little more time. I truly do love you. And I know how miserable you are. But I think God will finally judge this after we have exhausted all resources, in which we have yet to.
    And yes....I do believe in God. I may question some things, maybe a lot of things about him at time, but I do, I do belive in the hire spirit, period.

    I dont wish to bring up age issues with you, because I chose you and accepted the age difference and your age. But let me tell you. When I was in my early 20's-24,25 and dating Jen, it was tough. She was tough, it was always her way. I was the one who broke up with her every 3-4 weeks thinking that I could find someone better. I kicked my ass day in and day out when she finally was the one to break it off with me. Sure, I dated, you know that. But it wasnt until I found you, my wife until I finally got over her. My friends and I joked about her in front of you, not to get you mad, just because how crazy the ending was. She told me the other day how intimidated she was of you at Jillians a couple years ago. She said a friend told her that if eyes could kill, that she (Jen) would be dead. The girl was talking about your eyes. She (Jen) knew then that we were serious in love. She also said that she wished things would have been different, but for the same reason, she was glad that we both found someone, she's with a guy named Chris and somewhat happy, although she's lived with his sister for the past 6 weeks because of a fight. Sometimes relationships are hard and as hard as they may be, they are worth holfing onto. My uncle Dan used to get mad at Aunt Donna and kick her out of his car at red lights. They are probably the most happy couple I know today. Again sure, you can take it as you are 24 and will find better. But think about the time we have invested. think about how much love I have for you. Think about what we've done (only the good times). You may have lost some love for me, but I guarantee it can be resurected. I have been there and done that. I never stole money from you for drugs. I will tell you that love only comes around once and a while. I have taken nice looking girls on one-night date dinners, only to drop them off for having no personalities etc. You only know of the girls that were crazy or we would see out. You were different. Yu have a great personality and am great with people. I tried dating nice girls from friends referrals. It doesnt always work. Holly and Marc's marriage didnt get good until after 2 years and they dated for 5 before marriage. I know we are not them, but who knows what we are throwing away here. This might be the dumbest thing we do. You told me that you didnt answer the phone last week and that being that you didnt, it was over and done with and there was nothing you could do about it. I know it doesnt compare, but I cant change NY, Cle, or Pitts. I did it and I cant change it. I feel horrible about those situations, but they are done with. I have and will always feel that you are my soulmate. And that's why I willing to alter my lifestyle to save you. If it doesnt work, I'll know from here on out that someone didnt care for change, me included. I know you are you and only you can read this openly. I know that H. Jurina and others are mad at me, heck some of my friends and family are mad at me. But that doesnt mean anything. In my mind and Im sure in Father Shori's mind (Catholic or not), im sure we deserve a chance. Im also sure that Pastor Joe would say the same. I will wear my ring till the end, no matter how many people tell me to take it off. You are my wife, the one I and you chose to marry and God will do everything to keep us together ( a former nuns word whom I met tonight ) through thick and thin, through death do us part. God will not choose us to be arpart unitl all things exhausted. Did you give up on God? Because I know he would never give up on us unless infadelity or physacle abuse. Our problems are minor compared to others, and I realize we are not others, but you have to take into consideration. I may have only looked to religion recently, I admit, but I did, and religion aside, wheter Catholic or Non-Dem, religion is religion. Please see this and try with me. I'm not begging because Im the one admitting fault and willing to try. If you truly belive in God as you say, you would give this thig one last shot, as I am willing. Don't let others pursuade you-I love you, your husband as of now, -Pat

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by jetsfanohio View Post
    Well.........Im getting divorced. Married 7/7/07 Dated for 6 yrs. Any help is appreciated.
    Any children?.............

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by copernicus View Post
    Any children?.............
    Thank G, no

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by jetsfanohio View Post
    Well.........Im getting divorced. Married 7/7/07 Dated for 6 yrs. Any help is appreciated.
    by reading the letter, I bet you'll get her back. If I had a dollar for every time my wife I'd be rich. I used to buckle, now I laugh at her.. My friends the same, women seem to throw that around very loosely...

    Just remember though, that you've just given up any hand you had and it will be hard as hell to get back. Your making promises that you aren't likely to be able to keep, so at some point, if this is going to be anything more then a roller coaster of drama, she'll have to accept some of the way you are..

  10. #10
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    Since you have a pic of her in your avatar, it seems you were trying to convince yourself all along...deep down, you knew this was not going to work out.

    Sometimes chicks like the concept of playing house, but when they actually try it, its not for them. There are plenty of other women out there, go find one.

    The email was too long, I didnt read it all, dont know your home/kids status, but make the break simple as can be, mediation might save $$ on lawyers. Look at it as a learning expierience. Better days are ahead.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by CTM View Post
    by reading the letter, I bet you'll get her back. If I had a dollar for every time my wife I'd be rich. I used to buckle, now I laugh at her.. My friends the same, women seem to throw that around very loosely...

    Just remember though, that you've just given up any hand you had and it will be hard as hell to get back. Your making promises that you aren't likely to be able to keep, so at some point, if this is going to be anything more then a roller coaster of drama, she'll have to accept some of the way you are..
    You read the entire letter? Thanks, man! I dont know what to think. Its tough.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stewdawg View Post
    Since you have a pic of her in your avatar, it seems you were trying to convince yourself all along...deep down, you knew this was not going to work out.

    Sometimes chicks like the concept of playing house, but when they actually try it, its not for them. There are plenty of other women out there, go find one.

    The email was too long, I didnt read it all, dont know your home/kids status, but make the break simple as can be, mediation might save $$ on lawyers. Look at it as a learning expierience. Better days are ahead.
    Thanks

  13. #13
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    Divorce is tough. Been through it twice myself. No kids involved either time. Best wishes to you and Lori either way, I hope you both end up happy whether you stay together or not.

  14. #14
    i skimmed through your letter, and what i get from it is that you did something wrong and she isn't forgiving you for it, so what is it that you did? that would go a long way towards knowing if you have a real chance or not.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by jetsfanohio View Post
    Thank G, no
    Honestly, you will be more than fine. It might take a little time but you will get over this and move on. When a child is involved (in my case) it becomes more complicated and emotions run 10X as much

    You will be fine in less than a year (if you are "truely" fininshed with your ex and the marraige) with no children involved

    Good luck........................unfortunatly I've been there.

    I feel for you. Myself and some of my friends have been divorced. Be strong and try not to let emotions get the best of you.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by jetsfanohio View Post
    You read the entire letter? Thanks, man! I dont know what to think. Its tough.
    I did. You didn't allude to what was going on and I was curious. Seems like there's a bunch of things about you she can't take. Women often marry guys and think they'll change them for the better. Doesn't normally work.

    As far as going forward, I would probably take a different tact, but I think you'll get her back, for how long though I wonder. You're setting an expectation with her now of being on your best behavior all the time, which in the long run will only make the marriage more fragile imo..

    My advice, if a girl wants you to change in order to stay together, Get out of dodge. Run fast, run hard and most importantly run now. Do it before you have children and are really stuck.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stewdawg View Post
    Since you have a pic of her in your avatar, it seems you were trying to convince yourself all along...deep down, you knew this was not going to work out.

    Sometimes chicks like the concept of playing house, but when they actually try it, its not for them. There are plenty of other women out there, go find one.

    The email was too long, I didnt read it all, dont know your home/kids status, but make the break simple as can be, mediation might save $$ on lawyers. Look at it as a learning expierience. Better days are ahead.
    It's not the dollars saved by a mediator over a lawyer, its the emotional mind set that many of them get you involved in (not all). Have seen to many mine included get ugly and nasty over emotions stirred up by lawyers. Most mediated divorces I have seen just cut to the chase and loose a lot of the emotional complications.

  18. #18
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    What triggered all this? You mention asking for forgiveness, but it's not clear what happened. If you want to, it might help to clarify so we can give a better response.

  19. #19
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    so what exactly is your question ?

  20. #20
    Call up any investment firms or banks you have joint accounts in and inform them of the divorce. Ask them to put a freeze on the account(s) as well. Most investment firms (not sure about banks though) have divorce policies where they'll automatically freeze accounts upon notification of a divorce to protect both parties.

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