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Thread: Funny Football (Soccer) Related Stuff

  1. #21
    Freddie Ljungberg says he signed his £1.6m-a-year deal at Seattle Sounders for 'serious football reasons'. 'It's really positive. They get gates over 27,000 and the owners are building something big: they're really serious.' Other news from the Sounders: the launch of a new reality-TV show with the winner landing a place in the squad: viewers vote on their favourite each week. Majority owner Joe Roth says it's 'a fine way forward'.

  2. #22
    Toughest part of any shirt deal for United: the morals. In 2006 Gill rejected a £70m deal with gambling giant Mansion to 'avoid damaging United's brand'. The board, said sources, 'were uncomfortable with the idea of children wearing shirts promoting gambling'. Any deal with the Saudi company would have kids in shirts promoting a nation big on religious torture and beheadings by sword - but that's nothing PR can't fix. United's photocall in Saudi in January bridged the culture gap, first-team players posing at a Saudi palace holding knives and swords. 'Wayne's a blade Rooner!' said The Sun. 'United stars were game for a laugh at a right royal home in Riyadh yesterday...' (Other headlines in The Sun that week: 'Gang kids, 13, knifed boy to death'; 'Teen on stab rap' and 'TEXT SEX STAB LAD GETS 2YRS'.)

  3. #23
    William Gallas says former team-mate Jerome Rothen is 'just chasing publicity' by claiming in his new book that Gallas stole £150 from a colleague when they were teenagers. 'I was surprised by what he wrote. It hurt my parents - and all because he wanted to sell books.' Also last week: blanket press coverage for Gallas' outspoken attack on his Arsenal team-mates in the press - luckily coinciding with the launch of 'William Gallas: the autobiography'.

  4. #24
    $4m: compensation Sven will pick up if Mexico sack him after their defeat to Honduras. 'Kick him out,' says the Record. 'It only costs $4m. If they want, we will pay the first dollar.' Other top Sven pay offs: £1.25m from Man City plus £500k bonus ; £3.75m from the English FA. 'Mexico is a big challenge,' said Sven in June. 'I like big challenges!'

  5. #25
    · 28 February: Man City media manager Paul Tyrrell, in Thailand to rebrand City owner Thaksin Shinawatra, puts two young City players in front of the world's press. The PR trip - aimed at earning Thaksin a clean new image to replace the old human rights-challenged one - earned Thaksin positive press across Asia and Europe. "He's very generous and a very nice man," Kasper Schmeichel, 21, told reporters. "He's a genuine guy!"

    · 4 March: Tyrrell attacks the BBC for running a story about City striker Benjani:

    "It lacked editorial integrity."

  6. #26
    •2008: Sepp Blatter announces "historic partnership" with Indian IT provider Satyam. Sepp says the lucrative deal, signed by Satyam founder Ramalinga Raju to make Satyam a Fifa corporate-family member, headline 2010 World Cup sponsor and official Fifa IT partner until 2014, makes him "very proud". "Satyam share Fifa's ideals, and identify with our mission to use football as a tool to touch the world and build a better future for all."

    •2009: Ramalinga Raju admits overseeing "unprecedent fraud" at Satyam: corrupt accounting to the value of £660m. "I reveal this with deep regret. It just got out of control. It was like riding a tiger, not knowing how to get off without being eaten." "We're monitoring this," say Fifa

  7. #27
    Real Madrid's Guti is set to take legal action after Spanish tabloid Cuore published a covert paparazzo photo of him claiming it showed him 'kissing a man'. Italian press reprinted the picture, questioning Guti's sexuality, and reminding readers that in Spain 'gay marriage is allowed by law'. But Guti's agent Zoran Vekic has now revealed the photo actually showed Guti kissing his sister. 'This was nothing but an intimate family dinner,' Vekic told El Pais. 'They were celebrating news that his sister is pregnant.


    Guti's sister

  8. #28
    Women's lib news

    Female Brazilian referee Ana Paula Oliveira says Universidad de San Martín striker Mario Leguizamón should be sued for making 'gross sexist remarks'. San Martin sacked Leguizamón for the comments made against Peruvian female official Silvia Reyes , but Oliveira says it's not enough. 'Apologies are worth nothing. Women work hard to win respect. Silvia should make an example of this man not just for Peru, but for the rest of the world.'

    July 2007: Oliveira poses nude for Brazilian Playboy magazine. 'I have no regrets about this: on the contrary. I'm a strong woman.'


  9. #29
    Alex Ferguson says Cristiano Ronaldo has 'remained grounded'. 'Success can affect people, no question of that. We see it time and again. But I do not see any signs of that in Ronaldo. He's intelligent and sensible. The great quality is to keep your feet on the ground.'

    · News of the World, January: 'Prostitute loving soccer ace Cristiano Ronaldo is up to his old tricks: jetting off for a sleazy orgy with TWO Rome vice girls. 'I didn't like him,' said one of the girls. 'He was a bit, how you say, stuck-up.'

  10. #30
    £400,000: Average London house price. 'Prices are a joke, they are,' says Jonathan Woodgate. 'It's unbelievable down here. I just want to find a place and get settled.'

    £400,000: Woodgate's income every six weeks - basic salary only.

  11. #31
    Danish Premier League player Andreas Dahl says he has no regrets about kicking a streaker in the testicles. The man collapsed in tears after Dahl intervened during Nordsjälland's game against AaB. 'I know it's the stewards' job, but why shouldn't I be allowed to kick him in the balls? I just stuck out a leg and hit him straight in his special area. I guess it was a bit unfortunate for him, but it wasn't as if I was aiming. He sure went down fast.'


  12. #32
    Top-flight players using the new 'A-star' goal celebration are 'encouraging kids to follow role models who don't glamourise crime, guns or drugs'. It's a decent message - and less mixed up than last year's try: the Government unveiling Rio Ferdinand as official ambassador against gun and knife crime. 'Kids are led astray by violent computer games,' said a Government source. 'Rio's the perfect role model.' Five days after the launch, Rio unveiled his own new goal celebration - firing a rocket launcher into the crowd in tribute to stealth stabbing, body-bag heavy console game SOCOM US Navy Seals. 'The players love it,' said a Man United source. 'It's combat on and off the pitch.'

  13. #33
    Peruvian press say 'scum' national striker Andres Mendoza spent the night before their 5-1 defeat to Ecuador in November 'humping in the basement car park of the team hotel'. 'The car was shaking like a liquidiser,' said hotel cook Roberto Torrejon. 'Him and some girl were at it for 40 minutes: it was harrowing for me to watch. Peru have been **** for 25 years and he does this. I'm so indignant.'

  14. #34
    How to captain England like you mean it? Do you a) Handle national Euro 2008 humiliation by pledging your match fee to The Sun's wounded soldiers campaign for England's 'real heroes', then open your heart: 'John Terry says he's so hurt by England's flop that he wants to go into hiding. "You don't want to come out of your house. You think people are looking at you. It's going to take a very long time to get over this"'; Or b) Build up to big Euro 2008 games by visiting a strip club with your England teammates, dancing on stage with lap-dancers, urinating on the floor, and in a cup, then being driven home by your wife at 4am? JT can do both.

  15. #35
    September The Sun: 'Two of the five hookers who romped with United ace Cristiano Ronaldo and pal Anderson at Ronaldo's £3m mansion said the players had "no morals". "They made me feel cheap," said Tyese, 18. "I've slept with 200 clients and I've never been treated with such little respect!'"

  16. #36
    October The Sun: 'Shaun Wright-Phillips is indulging his favourite hobby with his massive wages - PORN. The England star has ploughed £20,000 into porn channel Babe Central. "Shaun has been dropping in at Babe Central with his pals," says an insider. "The girls writhe around for the cameras while Shaun drinks his champagne."'

  17. #37
    December The Sun: 'The girl roasted by THREE Man United stars at their rape-claim Christmas party bragged about it afterwards to a sickened party guest. The guest said: "The men were shrieking like hyenas - it was vile. I asked the girl if she was OK and she said "Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be? They said I was great shag!" Then she hobbled off down the corridor.'"

  18. #38
    Best vote of confidence Adam Pearson, Derby. 30 Oct: 'Is Billy Davies safe? Absolutely. He's done a fantastic job and we're 100 per cent committed to him. If the worst comes to the worst and we do go down, I can't think of a better man to get us straight back up. He has passion, he's shrewd - he's a good manager.'

    26 Nov: Sacks him.

  19. #39
    Brazilian press say the national squad smuggled 'loose women' into the team hotel before their World Cup qualifier against Chile. Guests on the sixth floor of the Sheraton hotel in Santiago said they heard 'foul noise all night' from the squad's rooms - one guest telling Radio Bío Bío de Chile that 'the women were many and untroubled by clothing'. [ ] Coach Dunga says the press should back off. 'They're hurtful. They molest us in the airport, they molest us in the hotel, everywhere we go is like a war. We do nothing to deserve this pain.'

  20. #40
    Jets Insider VIP
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Death View Post
    Real Madrid's Guti is set to take legal action after Spanish tabloid Cuore published a covert paparazzo photo of him claiming it showed him 'kissing a man'. Italian press reprinted the picture, questioning Guti's sexuality, and reminding readers that in Spain 'gay marriage is allowed by law'. But Guti's agent Zoran Vekic has now revealed the photo actually showed Guti kissing his sister. 'This was nothing but an intimate family dinner,' Vekic told El Pais. 'They were celebrating news that his sister is pregnant.


    Guti's sister
    That's pretty funny

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