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Thread: 1st Annual Hamper Writing Award...

  1. #1
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    1st Annual Hamper Writing Award...

    In honor of our President's recent award I though it might be nice if we, the people of the hamper, bestowed awards for journalistic excellence. These awards can be given out yearly, or hourly, whatever you like, as we have been given the green light from the good folks in Norway.

    Without further ado...

    [URL]http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/woman-21572-arrest-old.html[/URL]

    [B]Woman: I'm an alcoholic nymphomaniac, just arrest me [/B]

    [URL="http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/woman-21572-arrest-old.html#slComments"][B][COLOR=#999999]Comments 45[/COLOR][/B][/URL] | [URL="http://javascript<b></b>:recommendReview('Articlenwfdn21572')"][B][COLOR=#999999]Recommend [/COLOR][/B][/URL][B][COLOR=#999999]4[/COLOR][/B]



    October 14, 2009 8:30 AM

    [EMAIL="wendyv@nwfdailynews.com"]Wendy Victora[/EMAIL]
    Daily News
    CRESTVIEW -- An intoxicated woman told police to arrest her after she admitted to throwing a closed pocket knife at her husband's forehead.
    The 23-year-old woman also told them she was a nymphomaniac and an alcoholic and that her estranged husband had been staying with her for a week, ever since she asked him over to have sex and he never left.
    After further questioning, she said, "You know what? Just take me to jail."
    The incident started when her husband picked her up at the Okaloosa Regional Airport just before midnight on Oct. 11. She was in a bad mood because she had missed her flight and tried to call her husband, but he missed her call. Her husband said she was still mad at him when she arrived in Florida.
    They returned to the friend's house in Crestview where they had been staying. She was upset at something he said and threw the knife at his forehead, according to her arrest report. His wife then left the house and "peeled out," hitting the neighbor's fence with her vehicle.
    While the Crestview Police Officer was talking to the husband, the wife called on his cell phone. He handed it to the officer, who tried to explain who he was and that he wanted to check on her welfare.
    "I don't know who the hell you are and why you are answering my husband's telephone, so you better put him on the phone," she yelled.
    The officer again told her he was a police officer.
    "(Expletive) you, I am calling the police," she screamed.
    The officer hung up on her. The wife then texted her location to her friend, who relayed it to the officer.
    Another officer was dispatched to that location, where he found the wife to be "extremely uncooperative."
    The first officer joined him there, where the wife told them she had been drinking because her husband made her drink wine.
    She was charged with domestic battery. The friends she and her husband had been staying with told police they were going to evict her as soon as possible. Her husband was given his half of the domestic violence packet. She was too uncooperative to receive her packet, the report said.

  2. #2
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    btw, feel free to enter any worthy considerations here

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    [QUOTE=jetswin;3311933]In honor of our President's recent award I though it might be nice if we, the people of the hamper, bestowed awards for journalistic excellence. These awards can be given out yearly, or hourly, whatever you like, as we have been given the green light from the good folks in Norway.

    Without further ado...

    [URL]http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/woman-21572-arrest-old.html[/URL]

    [B]Woman: I'm an alcoholic nymphomaniac, just arrest me [/B]

    [URL="http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/woman-21572-arrest-old.html#slComments"][B][COLOR=#999999]Comments 45[/COLOR][/B][/URL] | [URL="http://javascript<b></b>:recommendReview('Articlenwfdn21572')"][B][COLOR=#999999]Recommend [/COLOR][/B][/URL][B][COLOR=#999999]4[/COLOR][/B]



    October 14, 2009 8:30 AM

    [EMAIL="wendyv@nwfdailynews.com"]Wendy Victora[/EMAIL]
    Daily News
    CRESTVIEW -- An intoxicated woman told police to arrest her after she admitted to throwing a closed pocket knife at her husband's forehead.
    The 23-year-old woman also told them she was a nymphomaniac and an alcoholic and that her estranged husband had been staying with her for a week, ever since she asked him over to have sex and he never left.
    After further questioning, she said, "You know what? Just take me to jail."
    The incident started when her husband picked her up at the Okaloosa Regional Airport just before midnight on Oct. 11. She was in a bad mood because she had missed her flight and tried to call her husband, but he missed her call. Her husband said she was still mad at him when she arrived in Florida.
    They returned to the friend's house in Crestview where they had been staying. She was upset at something he said and threw the knife at his forehead, according to her arrest report. His wife then left the house and "peeled out," hitting the neighbor's fence with her vehicle.
    While the Crestview Police Officer was talking to the husband, the wife called on his cell phone. He handed it to the officer, who tried to explain who he was and that he wanted to check on her welfare.
    "I don't know who the hell you are and why you are answering my husband's telephone, so you better put him on the phone," she yelled.
    The officer again told her he was a police officer.
    "(Expletive) you, I am calling the police," she screamed.
    The officer hung up on her. The wife then texted her location to her friend, who relayed it to the officer.
    Another officer was dispatched to that location, where he found the wife to be "extremely uncooperative."
    The first officer joined him there, where the wife told them she had been drinking because her husband made her drink wine.
    She was charged with domestic battery. The friends she and her husband had been staying with told police they were going to evict her as soon as possible. Her husband was given his half of the domestic violence packet. She was too uncooperative to receive her packet, the report said.[/QUOTE]

    You have to give Wendy Victoria credit. She has captured the essence of a broad verbally re-telling a story and in print no less.

    Bravo.

    Its just like being home and listening to it while I'm trying to watch the game.


    Great.

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    [B]...and that her estranged husband had been staying with her for a week, ever since she asked him over to have sex and he never left.[/B]

    wow - she must be good.

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    [QUOTE=32green;3311960]You have to give Wendy Victoria credit. She has captured the essence of a broad verbally re-telling a story and in print no less.

    Bravo.

    Its just like being home and listening to it while I'm trying to watch the game.


    Great.[/QUOTE]
    I find myself saying shhh, often lately, wives say the darndest things ... while the game is on.

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    [QUOTE=quantum;3311969][B]...and that her estranged husband had been staying with her for a week, ever since she asked him over to have sex and he never left.[/B]

    wow - she must be good.[/QUOTE]
    that style of writing looks very familiar to me...I just can't quite place it

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    [QUOTE=jetswin;3311971]I find myself saying shhh, often lately, wives say the darndest things ... while the game is on.[/QUOTE]

    Lol....if I ever.

    I'll admit right now that iffin I ever sssssh'd the bride.....it would be on.

    Furniture tossing, door slamming.... on.

    I get in enough trouble with my apparently futile "pretending to look her in the eyes while listening out of the corner of my ear" move.

    Apparently my frozen, unblinking stare framed with a mechanical nodding, is a dead giveaway.

    :dunno:

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    [QUOTE=jetswin;3311971]I find myself saying shhh, often lately, wives say the darndest things ... while the game is on.[/QUOTE]

    Not to mention they always have the urge to stand directly in front of the tv during a big field goal attempt. Or they have a burning question when it's 4th and goal from the one.

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    [QUOTE=32green;3311983]Lol....if I ever.

    I'll admit right now that iffin I ever sssssh'd the bride.....it would be on.

    Furniture tossing, door slamming.... on.

    I get in enough trouble with my apparently futile "pretending to look her in the eyes while listening out of the corner of my ear" move.

    Apparently my frozen, unblinking stare framed with a mechanical nodding, is a dead giveaway.

    :dunno:[/QUOTE]
    yeah...I don't really say shhh, I just press my index finger to my lips and give her a loving glance...make recovery time much faster, like roids.

    ...on the other hand, if your wife makes soup for dinner one night, don't give her a ton of **** about it, trust me on this one :D

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    [QUOTE=jetswin;3311973]that style of writing looks very familiar to me...I just can't quite place it[/QUOTE]

    Ya mean like Brownie-related?

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    SHHH would land me in a world of **** too.

    What does work is pause the TV and Say "i am sorry dear what was that" answer her question or whatever wait a full minute then un pause the game.

    She will get the hint that the game is important.

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    "Less talkie, more shushie" has gotten me gutter-cleaning detail a week before I had planned to do it.

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    [QUOTE=jetswin;3311971]I find myself saying shhh, often lately, wives say the darndest things ... while the game is on.[/QUOTE]

    [QUOTE=32green;3311983]Lol....if I ever.

    I'll admit right now that iffin I ever sssssh'd the bride.....it would be on.

    Furniture tossing, door slamming.... on.

    I get in enough trouble with my apparently futile "pretending to look her in the eyes while listening out of the corner of my ear" move.

    Apparently my frozen, unblinking stare framed with a mechanical nodding, is a dead giveaway.

    :dunno:[/QUOTE]

    [QUOTE=Jets Things;3312139]"Less talkie, more shushie" has gotten me gutter-cleaning detail a week before I had planned to do it.[/QUOTE]
    Yes, this is so. I would like to report that my near-perfect behavior during that MNF game had immediate rewards.

    My night was far better than Calvin Pace's. :yes: :thumbup:

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    [QUOTE=WestCoastOffensive;3312427]Yes, this is so. I would like to report that my near-perfect behavior during that MNF game had immediate rewards.

    My night was far better than Calvin Pace's. :yes: :thumbup:[/QUOTE]
    see, the hamper is doing their part to make lives better nationwide

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    I guess I'm lucky, my wife APOLOGIZES if she is talking and anything Jets related comes on the TV. AND she likes football, hockey and beer. :yes:

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    [QUOTE=CraigFL;3312439]I guess I'm lucky, my wife APOLOGIZES if she is talking and anything Jets related comes on the TV. AND she likes football, hockey and beer. :yes:[/QUOTE]

    Bravo, good sir, Bravo!

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    Early on, the missus insisted on showing me cookbook recipes during the game for some reason, some sick sort of torture. Trying to be the nice new husband I nodded politely. After about the 5th dessert stuck in my face, I snapped and replied with "You can't be serious?!"

    Never did that again.

    Goes over about as well as accusing her of farting.

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    Gee - thought there was going to be a poll - was gonna vote for jetsdrool128 or readyforthedaft or whatever it calls itself

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