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Thread: I Gots Jokes

  1. #1
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    I Gots Jokes

    An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

    His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
    The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant
    my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a
    garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you
    would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
    Love,
    Papa

    A few days later he received a letter from his son::

    Dear Pop,
    Don't dig up that garden.
    That's where the bodies are buried.
    Love,
    Vinnie

    At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
    up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old
    man and left.

    That same day the old man received another letter from his son::

    Dear Pop,
    Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
    That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
    I love you,
    Vinnie

  2. #2
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    The son mailed the letter to the FBI?








    _

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    The son mailed the letter to the FBI?








    _
    As with most prisons, letters to and from family are routinely scrutinized. The son interjected the part about the bodies knowing the FBI would dig up the garden looking for them.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    The son mailed the letter to the FBI?








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    Really? you need some 'splainin'?

    Prison officials generally screen all incoming and outgoing mail, which clearly the son knew.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Borgoguy View Post
    As with most prisons, letters to and from family are routinely scrutinized. The son interjected the part about the bodies knowing the FBI would dig up the garden looking for them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vinny Patrollie View Post
    Really? you need some 'splainin'?

    Prison officials generally screen all incoming and outgoing mail, which clearly the son knew.




  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Sometimes they just don't get you, 32G.

    Oh, and merge with the Hamper 09 joke thread! Jeez! again

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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    The son mailed the letter to the FBI?








    _
    oh sure, like you never did time

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    The son mailed the letter to the FBI?








    _
    yeah some what! see the old man was too old to dig up dirt so
    his son got the FBI to do it for him.. clever dude!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by ListerFiend View Post
    He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.


    A few days later he received a letter from his son::

    Dear Pop,
    Don't dig up that garden.
    That's where the bodies are buried.

    FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
    up the entire area


    That same day the old man received another letter from his son::

    Dear Pop,
    Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
    That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
    I love you,
    Vinnie
    See the above in bold for answer!

  10. #10
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    Heard this today on Sirius. Gilbert Gottfried (sp)?

    Young boy walks up to his father and asks "Dad, where do babies come from?"

    Dad responds, "why, from the stork son!"

    The son asks "well then who fxxks the stork?"


  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ListerFiend View Post
    An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

    His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
    The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant
    my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a
    garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you
    would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
    Love,
    Papa

    A few days later he received a letter from his son::

    Dear Pop,
    Don't dig up that garden.
    That's where the bodies are buried.
    Love,
    Vinnie

    At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
    up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old
    man and left.

    That same day the old man received another letter from his son::

    Dear Pop,
    Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
    That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
    I love you,
    Vinnie
    funny, and smart of him...

  12. #12
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    Here's another one. I'm paraphrasing here, so have patience:

    Man sits in the waiting room of a trauma center. His wife was just in a major car accident. The doctor comes over to the man and puts his arm around his shoulder and says:

    "I'm sorry, but even though your wife is still alive, she's never going to be the same again. She has injuries that have deformed her terribly. Her face is badly mis-shapen, she lost all of her teeth and most of her hair, and she will have to drink from a straw. You will have to wipe the drool from her mouth and chin and you will have to feed her baby food every meal with a spoon. She will be in a wheelchair forever and will need your help moving her from room to room, and will you have to clean her after she soils herself and bath her battered body by hand after lifting her into the tub. Your life has forever changed and she will need you by her side for every waking moment until the day she dies."

    The man puts his head in his hands and starts crying uncontrollably.

    The doctor slaps him on the back and says, "Ah, I was just fxxking with ya! She's dead!"
    Last edited by morite; 10-21-2009 at 01:00 PM.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post

    Oh............................... I see what you did there................

  14. #14
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    This joke is racist!

  15. #15
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    what do you call the useless piece of flesh that surrounds the vagina???




























































    a woman.....

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by morite View Post
    Here's another one. I'm paraphrasing here, so have patience:

    Man sits in the waiting room of a trauma center. His wife was just in a major car accident. The doctor comes over to the man and puts his arm around his shoulder and says:

    "I'm sorry, but even though your wife is still alive, she's never going to be the same again. She has injuries that have deformed her terribly. Her face is badly mis-shapen, she lost all of her teeth and most of her hair, and she will have to drink from a straw. You will have to wipe the drool from her mouth and chin and you will have to feed her baby food every meal with a spoon. She will be in a wheelchair forever and will need your help moving her from room to room, and will you have to clean her after she soils herself and bath her battered body by hand after lifting her into the tub. Your life has forever changed and she will need you by her side for every waking moment until the day she days."

    The man puts his head in his hands and starts crying uncontrollably.

    The doctor slaps him on the back and says, "Ah, I was just fxxking with ya! She's dead!"
    LOLZ


    Quote Originally Posted by Come Back to NY View Post
    what do you call the useless piece of flesh that surrounds the vagina???

    a woman.....

    LOLOLZ

  17. #17
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    A man goes to confession, sits down in the booth and says "father, last weekend I had a threesome with two beautiful babes, it was awesome!"

    The priest says, "it was awesome? what kind of a Catholic are you?" The man says, "oh, I'm not a Catholic". The priest then asks why the man came to confession and the man says "this kind of thing doesn't happen to me everyday, I'm telling everyone in town".

  18. #18
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    Q:Why do women have vaginas?










































































































    A:So guys will talk to them

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peebag View Post
    Q:Why do women have vaginas?


    A:So guys will talk to them
    Why do women have legs?

    So they don't leave slug marks on the floor.

  20. #20
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    Dad: Son, I've noticed you've been walking up to Grandma's house and spending a lot of time up there. That's good, I'm sure she likes having the company!

    Son: Uh huh.

    Dad: Tell me son, what do you and Grandma do up there all day?

    Son: Grandma's givin' me some.

    Dad: WHAT?!?!? DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE F*CKIN' MY MOTHER!?!?!?!

    Son: WELL YOU'RE F*CKIN' MINE!!!!!


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