Ford Built Truck
New Truck built by a company which didn't get bail outI bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck . Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
I returned to the dealer yesterday
Because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again'
Came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!' and in an instant,
' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy and for the next few days,
Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,'
I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light
And nearly creamed my new truck,
But I swerved in time to avoid him.
I yelled, 'A$$hole!'
Immediately the radio responded with,
Ladies and gentlemen,
The President of The
Damn I love this truck....
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured By a hostile Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaimed, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"... "In honor of the Buffalo Hunt, YOU will be sacrificed in three days."
"Before we kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request?' The Lone Ranger said, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nodded and Silver was brought Before the Lone Ranger who whispered in Silver's ear, and the horse galloped away.
Later that evening, Silver returned with A beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watched, The blonde entered the Lone Ranger's tent And spent the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admitted That he was impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, But we will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request?" The Lone Ranger again asked to speak To his horse. Silver came to him, And he again whispered in the horse's ear. As before, Silver took off and disappeared Over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returned, This time with a voluptuous brunette, Even more attractive than the blonde. She entered the Lone Ranger's tent And spent the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief said: "You are indeed a man of many talents," "But we will still kill you tomorrow." "What is your LAST request?" The Lone Ranger responded, "I'd like to speak to my horse - alone." The Chief was curious, but he agreed, And Silver was brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they were alone, The Lone Ranger grabbed Silver by both ears, Looked him square in the eye and said, Listen Very Carefully!
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
At the regular Saturday morning service, the rabbi announced that
he was planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Silverstein, who owns several car dealerships in Newton and Brookline ,
stands up and proclaims "If the rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new
Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says,
"If the rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and
establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!"
More sighs and loud applause.
Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
"If the rabbi stays, I will give him sex!"
There is total silence.
The rabbi, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Rubin, you're a wonderful and
holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"
Estelle's 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side,
while his wife replies:
"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, "**** him."
Goldberg, a furniture dealer from Los Angles, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.
As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Goldberg couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Goldberg has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.