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Thread: The Hampur:Call Of Dooty

  1. #21
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    The worst thing about these amassed craps is that its like a ticking time bomb in your colon.

    They've been stubborn to come out, but once it wants to come out, you'd better hope its not while your sitting in traffic during your morning commute.

    This happened to me once and I was in no mans land. Halfway between home and work, I got off the highway and pulled into an Exxon.
    It looked like a hemophiliac crack dealers bathroom, and the toilet had no seat.

    This is the kind of bathroom where you want to get in & out as soon as possible without touching anything. But this was another epic dump, with waves upon waves of poop cables weaving their way around the bowl like some sort of foul Play-Doh factory.

    I think I went home and burned all my clothes after that one.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    The worst thing about these amassed craps is that its like a ticking time bomb in your colon.

    They've been stubborn to come out, but once it wants to come out, you'd better hope its not while your sitting in traffic during your morning commute.

    This happened to me once and I was in no mans land. Halfway between home and work, I got off the highway and pulled into an Exxon.
    It looked like a hemophiliac crack dealers bathroom, and the toilet had no seat.

    This is the kind of bathroom where you want to get in & out as soon as possible without touching anything. But this was another epic dump, with waves upon waves of poop cables weaving their way around the bowl like some sort of foul Play-Doh factory.

    I think I went home and burned all my clothes after that one.

    Lol oh no



  3. #23
    Fish, you may have to win some kind of forum award for your posts in this thread.

    Seriously.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warfish View Post
    Fish, you may have to win some kind of forum award for your posts in this thread.

    Seriously.

    CPOY?


  5. #25
    I'm in tears reading this thread. And I can relate to them all.

  6. #26
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    OMG! I wish I never entered this thread.....

  7. #27
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    The weirdest part of the situation is, when you make the stink you can tolerate it.
    When someone else makes the stink it will cause you to gag and hurl.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by jetgirl View Post
    OMG! I wish I never entered this thread.....

    LMAO, well what did you expect?
    It's your own fault....

  9. #29
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    And then there was this ONE TIME....


    Well, words can't explain it. So here is a pic.


















































































  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by jetgirl View Post
    OMG! I wish I never entered this thread.....
    lmao!!!


    this thread made me think of this:


  11. #31
    Rex Ryan joins the conversation:


    "Ryan: Oh, men. MEN. Men, let me tell you about the growler I laid down in the toilet this morning. I woke up, felt a **** coming on, sat down on the toilet with an egg and ham burrito, and did my business. And when I got up? MAGIC. There, in my very own toilet, was Bart Scott’s forearm. And it was swirling around the bowl. And it wouldn’t stop! It was like it had a very small motor attached to the back and just kept on swirling round and round. THAT **** NEVER GAVE UP ON THE PLAY! And I want you boys to be like that **** on Sunday. Always moving. Always circling. READY TO ****ING KILL! Do you understand me?"


    http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/...escalates.html

  12. #32
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    15 mins ago:

    I walk into the mens room and hear: it smells good in here.

    (the smell of buttered popcorn travelled over from the pantry)

    I thought "I'll fix that!" and did. Possibly the worst warp core breach I've ever produced at work. So bad that 2 guys coming in were hit by the shock waves and one said "I can't! I'm going to walk down the hall to the other bathroom!"

    Since I hate most of these knuckleheads, mission accomplished.

  13. #33
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    Nice. ^^

    When I walk in, and someone's wrapping up somethin like that, I take small breaths, like Detective Phil Cantone at the end of Harlem Nights, and wait to congratulate the guy on outstanding work.


  14. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    15 mins ago:

    I walk into the mens room and hear: it smells good in here.

    (the smell of buttered popcorn travelled over from the pantry)

    I thought "I'll fix that!" and did. Possibly the worst warp core breach I've ever produced at work. So bad that 2 guys coming in were hit by the shock waves and one said "I can't! I'm going to walk down the hall to the other bathroom!"

    Since I hate most of these knuckleheads, mission accomplished.

    Well done!
    Since we really can't give you a Purple Heart for your efforts, you'll have to settle for "Golden Crap" Award...


  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Well done!
    Since we really can't give you a Purple Heart for your efforts, you'll have to settle for "Golden Crap" Award...

    Thank You! First, I'd like to thank Fresh & Fast on 23rd St, because without them, I wouldn't have earned this award. And of course my personal physician in helping to keep the highway clear of problems (who knew rubber gloves could be so cold!).

    FEED DARFUR (and send toilet paper!)

  16. #36
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    Someone call a doctor because I feel like I'm about to give birth to the biggest ugliest smelliest baby ever

  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Someone call a doctor because I feel like I'm about to give birth to the biggest ugliest smelliest baby ever
    Damn, bro, I don't know wether to recommend a high fiber diet to loosen you up, or eat a log of government cheese to bind you up!

    Oh, and don't forget your camera this time.

  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Someone call a doctor because I feel like I'm about to give birth to the biggest ugliest smelliest baby ever
    Already beat you to the punch this morning. The effects of Sunday's chili are still resonating in my bowels - I'm talking about pissing from my arse and blood on the toilet paper. I don't even want to imagine what would have happened had I not skimmed all the oil from the slow cooker.

    And I might have used a liiiiittle too much cayenne.


  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jets Things View Post
    Already beat you to the punch this morning. The effects of Sunday's chili are still resonating in my bowels - I'm talking about pissing from my arse and blood on the toilet paper. I don't even want to imagine what would have happened had I not skimmed all the oil from the slow cooker.

    And I might have used a liiiiittle too much cayenne.

    ahh, the dreaded poo-cano.

  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dirtstar View Post
    lmao!!!


    this thread made me think of this:

    That puts me in tears every time lmao

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