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Thread: The Hampur:Call Of Dooty

  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dimitri_0515 View Post
    Ok going on 3+ days now. I have this feeling I have to doot but not coming out. I don't want to go the Fiber 1 path because my inners will be turned inside out. Anything a little bit more subtle for doots?
    Almonds...fiber without the Colon Blow effect.


  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dimitri_0515 View Post
    Ok going on 3+ days now. I have this feeling I have to doot but not coming out. I don't want to go the Fiber 1 path because my inners will be turned inside out. Anything a little bit more subtle for doots?
    7 White Castles..and a six of coors light...Metemucil with cheeze..

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  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post



    Had a "scooter" today. The little bugger was bothering me to get out for two hours but I was out and about.... with no "safehouse" terlets nearby.

    Finally got home and 1 2 3 sploink. Easy. like a 'lil torpedo.

    I look down and he's gone. Scooted.


    Nothing there.





    .
    HAHA! ROFL! G'damn, thats good.

    I missed my morning doot. Now I'm at work without the home-bowl advantage. This isn't going to be a fun day.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dimitri_0515 View Post
    Ok going on 3+ days now. I have this feeling I have to doot but not coming out. I don't want to go the Fiber 1 path because my inners will be turned inside out. Anything a little bit more subtle for doots?
    Chocolate.

    Not chocolate with nougat or caramel, because that just acts like glue & cement. It's a "natural" laxative.


    "Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!
    "

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Chocolate.

    Not chocolate with nougat or caramel, because that just acts like glue & cement. It's a "natural" laxative.


    "Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!
    "
    lolz

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d4eLzUD-0I

    And this morning I produced a mound of fecal matter that resembled brain coral with a surface breach.


  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peebag View Post
    My workplace installed automatic air fresheners that spray out every 15 minutes - I time my escape by the little "pffft" sound.....


    im sure there are little and big "pffft" sounds in the bathroom.

    Learn to differentiate the 2 if you truly seek success.

  7. #67
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    I forgot I'm out of my home roll of toilete paper. Just had to use the 120 grit paper the company supplies.

    Anyway, I'm sittin on the bowl pinching a loaf, and someone walks in to use the urinal. Mid-stream, the dude flushes. Why? Didn't get enough piss splash, so flush while your 3 inches from the porcelain to make sure piss water will definately splash somewhere on you??

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    I forgot I'm out of my home roll of toilete paper. Just had to use the 120 grit paper the company supplies.

    Anyway, I'm sittin on the bowl pinching a loaf, and someone walks in to use the urinal. Mid-stream, the dude flushes. Why? Didn't get enough piss splash, so flush while your 3 inches from the porcelain to make sure piss water will definately splash somewhere on you??
    maybe there was a stray pube he took issue with, but more than likely he flushed to cover any plopping, or moaning that may or may not come from your stall. Its a defense mechanism. I use it when my wife is in the bathroom. I dont know what she is doing in there, and i dont want to know, so i will sing, turn on the water, etc, to avoid any giveaways.

  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    I forgot I'm out of my home roll of toilete paper. Just had to use the 120 grit paper the company supplies.

    Anyway, I'm sittin on the bowl pinching a loaf, and someone walks in to use the urinal. Mid-stream, the dude flushes. Why? Didn't get enough piss splash, so flush while your 3 inches from the porcelain to make sure piss water will definately splash somewhere on you??

    Auto-flush or manual? This is telling.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Auto-flush or manual? This is telling.
    ahhhhhhh. Faulty sensor. LOL, the water conserving valve that saves 30% water, but flushes 3-4 times on its own with each patron.

  11. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Auto-flush or manual? This is telling.
    Manual flusher. So the culprit had to have one hand on his junk and the other on the handle mid-stream. WLF??

  12. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Manual flusher. So the culprit had to have one hand on his junk and the other on the handle mid-stream. WLF??

    There could have been a repugnant loogey swimming around in the basin perhaps. I however would have aimed for it in hopes of breaking it apart...

  13. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    There could have been a repugnant loogey swimming around in the basin perhaps. I however would have aimed for it in hopes of breaking it apart...
    Perhaps. I don't know of the exact circumstances. Either way, I'm not sure of the reasoning behind flushing mid-stream at a urinal. Does anyone here in the Hampur do this? if so, why?

    Courtesy flush whilst pissing?

  14. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    I forgot I'm out of my home roll of toilete paper. Just had to use the 120 grit paper the company supplies.
    Anyway, I'm sittin on the bowl pinching a loaf, and someone walks in to use the urinal. Mid-stream, the dude flushes. Why? Didn't get enough piss splash, so flush while your 3 inches from the porcelain to make sure piss water will definately splash somewhere on you??
    I carry prep-h alow wipes at all times for such an emergency, nothing like soothing cold wipes on your ballon knot after a rough refinishing.

  15. #75
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    Upon further review, the left over Chinese food was a bad choice!

    Kung Pow!

  16. #76
    Okay, so I haven't shlt in 4+ days. I decided to go the fiber one route because I couldn't take it anymore. I cautiously poured me a bowl, making sure I didn't put too much. Halfway through the bowl I started to feel it. I made sure I finished the entire bowl and wanted to let it ferment for a bit, just to make sure that I would get everything out. It was within minutes I had to run to the bathroom for this explosion of anger. I've never felt so comfortable in my life.

    It was then my other problem occurred. Too much doots and toilet paper down the toilet. Took me 20 minutes to unclog it.
    Last edited by Dimitri_0515; 02-18-2011 at 01:11 PM.

  17. #77
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    So, yesterday at work, I was on a quick break and decided to make a mad dash to the far and remote bathroom. I bust down the door and upon arrival to the handicap stall I am alrady undoing the belt and unbuttoning my pants.

    As I fall onto the turlet seat I let out a huge sigh of relief on one end. On the other end it was every weird sound in the book. Including the explosion, which occurrs when there is a build up of gas that is rumbling around and only plugged by the tail end of a straggler. Then I hear some the everlasting bustling going on. I look under the stall and there is someone on the bookend of a 3 stall chain. I giggle and courtesy flush.

    So I finish my business and and as I flush, they flush. I'm thinking what a sick bastard, he just wants to see who it is. So the door flies open and who is it, but my buddy from downstairs. We start cracking up, and he simply asked me, feel better? Sure did I told him. He told me I have never heard someone breakdown the door like that before. I responded with, well that was a moment in company history right there.

  18. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dimitri_0515 View Post
    Okay, so I haven't shlt in 4+ days. I decided to go the fiber one route because I couldn't take it anymore. I cautiously poured me a bowl, making sure I didn't put too much. Halfway through the bowl I started to feel it. I made sure I finished the entire bowl and wanted to let it ferment for a bit, just to make sure that I would get everything out. It was within minutes I had to run to the bathroom for this explosion of anger. I've never felt so comfortable in my life.

    It was then my other problem occurred. Too much doots and toilet paper down the toilet. Took me 20 minutes to unclog it.
    Did you have to break up the turdles with a wire hanger or something first? Sometimes its the equivalent of trying to flush a whole mud pie down the toilet...

  19. #79
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Did you have to break up the turdles with a wire hanger or something first? Sometimes its the equivalent of trying to flush a whole mud pie down the toilet...
    You guessed it. May that wire hanger rest in peace after a humiliating and disgusting process.

  20. #80
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    my cat pooped in the hamper last week. we were soooo pissed

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