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Thread: The Hampur:Call Of Dooty

  1. #41
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    Had one over the weekend, thank God I was at the house. I have never in my life produced such a dense, packed pile of doots. When I tried to flush it, the pile remained and the water flushed AROUND it like the parting of the brown sea, never happened to me before. Since I didn't have a plunger nearly, I had to break it up with a toilet brush that will coincidentally never be used again. I literally had to sift through my own doots. I almost hurled countless times. I saw everything I ate the night before during my pre-AFCCG booze-fest/liver smackdown. Highlights include: almonds, Rice Krispy treats (what am I, f*cking 7 years old?), beef jerky and a healthy dose of BOURBON to round it out. When I was done, I literally felt empty like I haven't in years.

  2. #42
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    Fuchi capesta!

    I just got back from the pisser, and I congratulated the guy coming out of the stall, and he said it wasn't all his work, someone was there just before him - the seat was still warm.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Fuchi capesta!

    I just got back from the pisser, and I congratulated the guy coming out of the stall, and he said it wasn't all his work, someone was there just before him - the seat was still warm.
    The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.


  4. #44
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    God iffing I survive this dumping I swear ill never eat food again wtf

  5. #45
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    My workplace installed automatic air fresheners that spray out every 15 minutes - I time my escape by the little "pffft" sound.....

  6. #46
    I Haven't dooted in 3 days.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dimitri_0515 View Post
    I Haven't dooted in 3 days.
    When that poop starts turtling, you know its time.
    When there are no more farts. When is absolutely no air pockets anywhere in that log and it's just one solid compact crap mass.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.




    Had a "scooter" today. The little bugger was bothering me to get out for two hours but I was out and about.... with no "safehouse" terlets nearby.

    Finally got home and 1 2 3 sploink. Easy. like a 'lil torpedo.

    I look down and he's gone. Scooted.


    Nothing there.





    .

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post



    Had a "scooter" today. The little bugger was bothering me to get out for two hours but I was out and about.... with no "safehouse" terlets nearby.

    Finally got home and 1 2 3 sploink. Easy. like a 'lil torpedo.

    I look down and he's gone. Scooted.


    Nothing there.





    .
    You wiped front to back, right?

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jets Things View Post
    You wiped front to back, right?
    Wiped?

    On a scooter?





    I'm not made of money.



    -

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Wiped?

    On a scooter?





    I'm not made of money.



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    Well played.

  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jets Things View Post
    Well played.
    Thankee, I'm a veteran sh*t talker.


    -

  13. #53
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    Mine was about as clean as a Snickers bar left in the sun

  14. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Mine was about as clean as a Snickers bar left in the sun
    Wrapper?

  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Mine was about as clean as a Snickers bar left in the sun
    Cranky arse?

    A burning "gotta get it out" sensation over the course of the day...

    Numerous aborted attempts with middling, non-satisfying, non-sploinklezz little wet splurgez being dropped into the bowl... with no real relief?

    Yet, enormous mess to clean up for the lack of production?

    Half a roll of paper a session type deal?

    No idea. Never had it.







    -

  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Cranky arse?

    A burning "gotta get it out" sensation over the course of the day...

    Numerous aborted attempts with middling, non-satisfying, non-sploinklezz little wet splurgez being dropped into the bowl... with no real relief?

    Yet, enormous mess to clean up for the lack of production?

    Half a roll of paper a session type deal?

    No idea. Never had it.







    -
    No there was definite production and a noticeable loss of weight, it was probably a 9-12 meal dump if I had to wager a guess. Just not the exact finish I was looking for.

  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post



    Had a "scooter" today. The little bugger was bothering me to get out for two hours but I was out and about.... with no "safehouse" terlets nearby.

    Finally got home and 1 2 3 sploink. Easy. like a 'lil torpedo.

    I look down and he's gone. Scooted.


    Nothing there.





    .
    BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, the wifey just enjoyed my telling of this tale aloud.

  18. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    No there was definite production and a noticeable loss of weight, it was probably a 9-12 meal dump if I had to wager a guess. Just not the exact finish I was looking for.
    Dr. Green says:

    You are a nervous fargin wreck with numerous unresolved work/family issues.

    Weed, occasional booze binging isnt working anymore.

    YOu need an shrubbery.


    -

  19. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Dr. Green says:

    You are a nervous fargin wreck with numerous unresolved work/family issues.

    Weed, occasional booze binging isnt working anymore.

    YOu need an shrubbery.


    -
    At least a decent salad. Don't get me started on the salad bar at work.
    There will be casualties.

  20. #60
    Ok going on 3+ days now. I have this feeling I have to doot but not coming out. I don't want to go the Fiber 1 path because my inners will be turned inside out. Anything a little bit more subtle for doots?

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