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Thread: future obits for hampur members

  1. #1
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    future obits for hampur members

    32Green- likable Irishman with the gift of gab, capable of almost poetic
    comedy that was, unfortunately, often followed by incoherent, idiot-like mumbling. A self-professed gym rat, oddly, no one in his gym actually remembers him in the building, although a woman faintly recalls a large headed gentleman who smelled like Old Spice and Chex Mix on an elliptical once. His workout routine consisted of standing in the parking lot with his gym bag and vocally criticizing the parking skills of other members.

    82ndAirbourne-Although he was one of the newer hampur members, he may have been the most f*ed up, which was no small feat. No one really knows what country he was from, but the American hampur members tried not to dwell on the fact that he may have been in the US military. He was an interesting man who dabbled in cock fighting and making lists. His true legacy was tackling children who were not in dangerous situations and telling them he saved their lives.
    Last edited by Timmy®; 02-09-2011 at 12:34 PM.

  2. #2
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    Timmah - mehhh thread starter....

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    This will end in tragedy by the middle of page 2.

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    [QUOTE=Timmy®;3955183]32Green- likable Irishman with the gift of gab, capable of almost poetic
    comedy that was, unfortunately, often followed by incoherent, idiot-like mumbling. A self-processed gym rat, oddly, no one in his gym actually remembers him in the building, although a woman faintly recalls a large headed gentleman who smelled like Old Spice and Chex Mix on an elliptical once. His workout routine consisted of standing in the parking lot with his gym bag and vocally criticizing the parking skills of other members.

    82ndAirbourne-Although he was one of the newer hampur members, he may have been the most f*ed up, which was no small feat. No one really knows what country he was from, but the American hampur members tried not to dwell on the fact that he may have been in the US military. He was an interesting man who dabbled in cock fighting and making lists. [B]His true legacy was tackling children who were not in dangerous situations and telling them he saved their lives[/B].[/QUOTE]


    I laughed

  5. #5
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    [QUOTE=quantum;3955191]This will end in tragedy by the middle of page 2.[/QUOTE]

    Here lies quantum - a pessimist at heart....

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    Timmy – Achieved recognition at the height of the ® war. Physically diminished with infamously sloped shoulders, and incapable of staring at a chicken without defecating, he was nonetheless accepted by the Hamper as one if it’s true leaders be it through comedy or glaring lack of social skills. Lived like a hermit, recluse in the woods of Vermont, where he would be snowed in for days, eating his own vomit and feces. He would disappear for 2 months annually to ‘find himself’ he would say. His lacerated body was found during his last annual disappearance, naked, in a cave and covered in chicken blood
    Last edited by RaoulDuke; 02-09-2011 at 11:39 AM.

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    [QUOTE=Peebag;3955196]Here lies quantum - a pessimist at heart....[/QUOTE]

    No mention of my love for wimmins breastses? FU :mad:

  8. #8
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    Sourceworx - Fired Schottenheimer

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    [QUOTE=Peebag;3955190]Timmah - mehhh thread starter....[/QUOTE]

    It definitely has potential...just not sure if I can think that hard today...

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    Peebag- the hampur lost its quick-strike insult specialist today as Peebag was pummeled to death outside a rural Nebraska watering hole. Known for his insulting posts that rarely exceeded five words (and contained no punctuation)
    Peebag forgot he wasn't on the internet and said "meh - you suck" to the wrong guy.

  11. #11
    [QUOTE=Timmy®;3955183]32Green- likable Irishman with the gift of gab, capable of almost poetic
    comedy that was, unfortunately, often followed by incoherent, idiot-like mumbling. A self-processed gym rat, oddly, no one in his gym actually remembers him in the building, although a woman faintly recalls a large headed gentleman who smelled like Old Spice and Chex Mix on an elliptical once. [B]His workout routine consisted of standing in the parking lot with his gym bag and vocally criticizing the parking skills of other members.[/B]

    82ndAirbourne-Although he was one of the newer hampur members, he may have been the most f*ed up, which was no small feat. [B]No one really knows what country he was from, but the American hampur members tried not to dwell on the fact that he may have been in the US military.[/B] He was an interesting man who dabbled in cock fighting and making lists. His true legacy was tackling children who were not in dangerous situations and telling them he saved their lives.[/QUOTE]



    Serious LOLs... :D

  12. #12
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    [QUOTE=Timmy®;3955183]32Green- likable Irishman with the gift of gab, capable of almost poetic
    comedy that was, unfortunately, often followed by incoherent, idiot-like mumbling. A [B][SIZE="4"]self-processed [/SIZE][/B]gym rat, oddly, no one in his gym actually remembers him in the building, although a woman faintly recalls a large headed gentleman who smelled like Old Spice and Chex Mix on an elliptical once. His workout routine consisted of standing in the parking lot with his gym bag and vocally criticizing the parking skills of other members.
    [/QUOTE]

    self-processed = masturbation?




    Big L died today, leaving behind nothing really interesting to say or add to a discussion.

  13. #13
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    [QUOTE=Big L;3955250]self-processed = masturbation?




    Big L died today, leaving behind nothing really interesting to say or add to a discussion.[/QUOTE]

    Big L - he sucked, but he knew it.

  14. #14
    Timothy ("Timmy") Hornswain, III, a native Vermonter, succumbed to blunt force trauma to the cranium last evening after paramedics dispatched from the Richard Morris Hunt Memorial Hospital and Cider Mill failed in their efforts to revive the gentleman of leisure. Neighbor, and poultry heir, Frank Purdue, Jr. called his death, "Somewhat of a minor tragedy. But these things happen every day to common folk like Timmy". Det. Richard Coolidge is expected to question "Mrs. Timmy", as she was known in the exclusive Montpelier social circles in which the couple bandied, later this afternoon, as several neighbors were said to have heard her scream, "Enough with the f**king egotistical, inside, threads, already. No one gets you, your humor, or posting approach, dunce. Wake up". He was 38.

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    [QUOTE=Timmy®;3955243]Peebag- the hampur lost its quick-strike insult specialist today as Peebag was pummeled to death outside a rural Nebraska watering hole. Known for his insulting posts that rarely exceeded five words (and contained no punctuation)
    Peebag forgot he wasn't on the internet and said "meh - you suck" to the wrong guy.[/QUOTE]

    It's better than what my wife will put on the old headstone

  16. #16
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    THE IRONY BROKE HIS BACK
    Sourceworx, an irascible poster that delighted in homemade brews and cursing the Schottenheimer family of New Jersey, died today; drowning in his own vast brewing kettle on Long Island. While other Jets fans around the globe celebrated the Jets COME FROM BEHIND victory in the 2014 Superbowl, sourceworx was depressed by Rex Ryan's post game statement that he was going on vacation now and "Shotty" would be the new Jets head coach. Sourceworx had become catatonic at that moment of the announcement; then stood up and told everyone present he would now go and drink the biggest beer of his life.

  17. #17
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    [QUOTE=WestCoastOffensive;3955338]THE IRONY BROKE HIS BACK
    Sourceworx, an irascible poster that delighted in homemade brews and cursing the Schottenheimer family of New Jersey, died today; drowning in his own vast brewing kettle on Long Island. While other Jets fans around the globe celebrated the Jets COME FROM BEHIND victory in the 2014 Superbowl, sourceworx was depressed by Rex Ryan's post game statement that he was going on vacation now and "Shotty" would be the new Jets head coach. Sourceworx had become catatonic at that moment of the announcement; then stood up and told everyone present he would now go and drink the biggest beer of his life.[/QUOTE]

    Death by Schottenheimer? *shudder* horrible way to go

  18. #18
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    [QUOTE=Borgoguy;3955295] as she was known in the exclusive Montpelier social circles in which the couple bandied[/QUOTE]
    fantastic!

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    [QUOTE=Borgoguy;3955295]Timothy ("Timmy") Hornswain, III, a native Vermonter, succumbed to blunt force trauma to the cranium last evening after paramedics dispatched from the Richard Morris Hunt Memorial Hospital and Cider Mill failed in their efforts to revive the gentleman of leisure. Neighbor, and poultry heir, Frank Purdue, Jr. called his death, "Somewhat of a minor tragedy. But these things happen every day to common folk like Timmy". Det. Richard Coolidge is expected to question "Mrs. Timmy", as she was known in the exclusive Montpelier social circles in which the couple bandied, later this afternoon, as several neighbors were said to have heard her scream, "Enough with the f**king egotistical, inside, threads, already. No one gets you, your humor, or posting approach, dunce. Wake up". He was 38.[/QUOTE]


    LOLZ, very well done.... :D

  20. #20
    Jeremiah Wordsworth ("Jetswin") Etherington-Sample--noted esthetician, gemologist, and part-time moderator of an internet enterprise called JetsInsider (sometimes shortened by those "in the know" to "JI") was struck and killed by a rental vehicle driven by former Allman Brothers' guitarist, Claude Hudson "Butch" Trucks this morning. Trucks had been commissioned by a well-meaning group of members of the aforementioned JetsInsider to surprise "Jetswin" with a series of guitar master classes aimed at bringing the aspiring, yet eternally struggling, guitarist "up to speed with his goddam limited ability to play the f**king (sic) thing (instrument)", as Trucks uttered whilst sipping a calming herbal tea to onlookers at the scene of the vehicular tragedy. Calls to the founder and site administrator of "JI", Viscount (only legally tenable in provincial Estonia, where the Deegan (originally Degnatzina) family still maintains a struggling hand hewn marionette enterprise) Sean Deegan were not immediately returned. He was 42.

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