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Thread: I got 'outpooped' during a stall standoff @ work...

  1. #1
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    I got 'outpooped' during a stall standoff @ work...

    Sigh...it happens :(


    Anyway we all know the scenario...you have to crap, there's 2 stalls, and one of them is occupied. Usually when you enter the stall that is usually the signal for the other person to stop reading the paper and get back to work.

    The last doot had fallen 10 minutes ago, the legs are starting to get numb, and the thought of a stranger starting a fresh dump next to you means its time go. Most of the times this is what usually happens. You enter and the other person leaves, or vice versa.

    Today though I got the handicapped stall first. I hadn't crapped in 4 days and was totally felling the poop bloat. My phone was fully charged, it was 8:00am and the office is mostly empty. I knew I wasnt going anywhere for awhile.

    10 minutes into my epic dump a loud stranger ambles in and beeliness for the stall. I could tell he meant business because he didn't try to camoflauge his crap entry with a cough or preemptive flush. Plus I heard the rustle of a newspaper so he was camping for awhile.

    I figured I would get him to leave by avoiding the courtesy flush. My dump was pretty rancid, and piled pretty high at this point; I would say a good 3 inches above the waterline. It wouldn't be long now.

    But he didn't leave, and could hear the him methodically turning the pages of his newspaper. He was dug in.

    So I waited and waited - mostly because I wasn't sure if I was done or not...until his rancid fetid stink wafted over. That was all I could bear...I must have been in there a good 30 minutes, and I knew I was losing feeling in my feet. I couldn't ride this out any longer.

    Shamefully, I got up - and nearly fell shoulder-first into the ceramic tiled wall, as my numb leg nearly caved in under itself. I then hear some shuffling movement in the stall next to me, so I dont dare let this guy know who I am, in case he is ready to leave too. Sometimes I think these people purposefully try to leave the same time as you so they can find out who they were sitting next to.

    I was having none of it. I wiped and hobbled out of there in shame.

  2. #2
    Gross.

  3. #3
    Good story pre-lunch. :mad:

  4. #4
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    Reminds me of that time I out-farted Michael Moore.

    [url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTGkSSCgDRw&feature=related[/url]

  5. #5
    Happens to the best of us...

    I actually can't stand the two stall bathroom.

    There's etiquette to follow. If someone walks in and walks back out, I know they have honored my time alone and I'll finish quickly.

    It should be forbidden to sit next to a fellow co-worker whilst pooing...

    By the way mofos, I'm shoe hunting if you disrespect these rules.

    I know who you are.

  6. #6
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    [QUOTE=Polidore22;4208383]Good story pre-lunch. :mad:[/QUOTE]

    It worked!

    In my defense, it had the word 'pooped' in the title. That's you're own fault,
    Herpidore22

  7. #7
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    [QUOTE=Fishooked;4208359]Sigh...it happens :(


    Anyway we all know the scenario...you have to crap, there's 2 stalls, and one of them is occupied. Usually when you enter the stall that is usually the signal for the other person to stop reading the paper and get back to work.

    The last doot had fallen 10 minutes ago, the legs are starting to get numb, and the thought of a stranger starting a fresh dump next to you means its time go. Most of the times this is what usually happens. You enter and the other person leaves, or vice versa.

    Today though I got the handicapped stall first. I hadn't crapped in 4 days and was totally felling the poop bloat. My phone was fully charged, it was 8:00am and the office is mostly empty. I knew I wasnt going anywhere for awhile.

    10 minutes into my epic dump a loud stranger ambles in and beeliness for the stall. I could tell he meant business because he didn't try to camoflauge his crap entry with a cough or preemptive flush. Plus I heard the rustle of a newspaper so he was camping for awhile.

    I figured I would get him to leave by avoiding the courtesy flush. My dump was pretty rancid, and piled pretty high at this point; I would say a good 3 inches above the waterline. It wouldn't be long now.

    But he didn't leave, and could hear the him methodically turning the pages of his newspaper. He was dug in.

    So I waited and waited - mostly because I wasn't sure if I was done or not...until his rancid fetid stink wafted over. That was all I could bear...I must have been in there a good 30 minutes, and I knew I was losing feeling in my feet. I couldn't ride this out any longer.

    Shamefully, I got up - and nearly fell shoulder-first into the ceramic tiled wall, as my numb leg nearly caved in under itself. I then hear some shuffling movement in the stall next to me, so I dont dare let this guy know who I am, in case he is ready to leave too. Sometimes I think these people purposefully try to leave the same time as you so they can find out who they were sitting next to.

    I was having none of it. I wiped and hobbled out of there in shame.[/QUOTE]


    This is exactly the sort of post I come to the Hampur for... thank you for sharing.

    I personally am not one for the standoff to see who is in the barnyard with me - but *one* time I did wait a guy out. I *had* to get visual confirmation.

    The reason?

    He would brush his teeth on the crapper. I assume he was spitting between his legs.

    Now I don't like to judge people, but no one is so busy that they can't find time to **** and [B]then [/B]brush their teeth. Absolutely vile.

  8. #8
    Very well written. I suggest you send it into the poop report.

    [url]http://www.poopreport.com/[/url]
    [IMG]http://www.poopreport.com/sites/all/themes/fusionfay/images/logo.jpg[/IMG]

  9. #9
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    Other guy sounds like a pro. There must be one Highlander.

  10. #10
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    [QUOTE=2milehighJet;4208414]Other guy sounds like a pro. There must be one Highlander.[/QUOTE]


    [B][I]"There can be only one!"

    :P

    [/I][/B]I'm guessing this guy probably has at least 10-15 more pooping years experience under his belt....

  11. #11
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    [QUOTE=Traitor Jay & the Woodies;4208412]This is exactly the sort of post I come to the Hampur for... thank you for sharing.

    I personally am not one for the standoff to see who is in the barnyard with me - but *one* time I did wait a guy out. I *had* to get visual confirmation.

    The reason?

    He would brush his teeth on the crapper. I assume he was spitting between his legs.

    Now I don't like to judge people, but no one is so busy that they can't find time to **** and [B]then [/B]brush their teeth. Absolutely vile.[/QUOTE]

    WLF?

    Freakin' weirdos...

  12. #12
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    [QUOTE=Fishooked;4208359]Sigh...it happens :(


    Anyway we all know the scenario...you have to crap, there's 2 stalls, and one of them is occupied. Usually when you enter the stall that is usually the signal for the other person to stop reading the paper and get back to work.

    The last doot had fallen 10 minutes ago, the legs are starting to get numb, and the thought of a stranger starting a fresh dump next to you means its time go. Most of the times this is what usually happens. You enter and the other person leaves, or vice versa.

    Today though I got the handicapped stall first. I hadn't crapped in 4 days and was totally felling the poop bloat. My phone was fully charged, it was 8:00am and the office is mostly empty. I knew I wasnt going anywhere for awhile.

    10 minutes into my epic dump a loud stranger ambles in and beeliness for the stall. I could tell he meant business because he didn't try to camoflauge his crap entry with a cough or preemptive flush. Plus I heard the rustle of a newspaper so he was camping for awhile.

    I figured I would get him to leave by avoiding the courtesy flush. My dump was pretty rancid, and piled pretty high at this point; I would say a good 3 inches above the waterline. It wouldn't be long now.

    But he didn't leave, and could hear the him methodically turning the pages of his newspaper. He was dug in.

    So I waited and waited - mostly because I wasn't sure if I was done or not...until his rancid fetid stink wafted over. That was all I could bear...I must have been in there a good 30 minutes, and I knew I was losing feeling in my feet. I couldn't ride this out any longer.

    Shamefully, I got up - and nearly fell shoulder-first into the ceramic tiled wall, as my numb leg nearly caved in under itself. I then hear some shuffling movement in the stall next to me, so I dont dare let this guy know who I am, in case he is ready to leave too. Sometimes I think these people purposefully try to leave the same time as you so they can find out who they were sitting next to.

    I was having none of it. I wiped and hobbled out of there in shame.[/QUOTE]

    Had almost the exact same standoff this morning. I read the entire Bergen Record Sports Section and my nemisis still out-waited me.

    Was only about 15 mins, but still.

    _

  13. #13
    An incredible literary experience...pure Heminigway with a lapidary style.

  14. #14
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    Sounds like one of those old school guys, ya know, old man lose plain colored pants that have the waist band that expands for growth, plain colored 80's style button down shirt, coffie and Pall Mall oder, the "Every Day Guy" Look. No shame, not a care in the world for the smells and sounds that come out his a$$ and mouth. No edicate, he grew up old school, his dad worked the mines, he walked to and from school, both ways up hill, in the snow, with no shoes. Ya can't beat these guys, they are ruthless, I hope your ok....

  15. #15
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    [QUOTE=Fishooked;4208447]WLF?

    Freakin' weirdos...[/QUOTE]


    The first few times I'd be sitting there - hearing that from the stall next to me... I'm thinking to myself, "Am I going insane, or is this a-hole actually brushing his teeth?"

    This went on for months.

  16. #16
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    [QUOTE=SONNY WERBLIN;4208413]Very well written. I suggest you send it into the poop report.

    [url]http://www.poopreport.com/[/url]
    [IMG]http://www.poopreport.com/sites/all/themes/fusionfay/images/logo.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]

    Best. Website. EVER!!!!!!!

  17. #17
    Noticed there was no
































    [B][SIZE="6"][COLOR="Sienna"]HAND WASHING IN YOUR STORY!!!!![/COLOR][/SIZE][/B]

  18. #18
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    [IMG]http://i1190.photobucket.com/albums/z444/wetworks73/JI/5edaf949.jpg[/IMG]

  19. #19
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    [QUOTE=acepepe;4208491]Noticed there was no

    [B][SIZE=6][COLOR=Sienna]HAND WASHING IN YOUR STORY!!!!![/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][/QUOTE]


    Sure there was, it's not relevant to the overall storyline.
    Plus its hard to write poop stories at work, wondering when your boss is going to be looking over your shoulder....

  20. #20
    First in, first out. No?

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