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Thread: Richard Craniums on Trains

  1. #1
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    Richard Craniums on Trains

    Among my favorites:

    [B]The Lemme In, Lemme In, Lemme In Guy:[/B] This is the person, male or female but usually male, on the platform who jams himself through the door the second it opens preventing anyone from getting out.

    Appropriate Response: Hard shoulder as you exit


    [B]The Hurray I'm a Door Guy: [/B]This is the person on the platform (50-50 ratio male to female) who when it's their turn to get on takes one step into the car and then stops and plants himself. Cuz his goal of boarding the train has been achieved.

    Appropriate Response: Elbow in the spleen as you enter


    [B]The Here are My Genitals Guy: [/B]You see this most often on the subway. It's always a male, almost always in his teens or 20s, and often black. The idea is to sit slouched down in the seat with your knees so far apart that no one can sit in the seat on either side of you. Like your knees are two positively charge ions.

    Appropriate Response: Vote Republican


    [B]The Oh, Did You Want to Sit in a Seat Like I'm Doing? Guy: [/B]You see this most often on the commuter rail, but on the subway too sometimes. Slightly more male than female, age and race independent. The guy who puts his bag next to him on the seat. If you want to sit down, you have to ask him to move it. He's banking you're too lazy or too polite to do so. And he will not make eye contact under any circumstance. His goal is for you to not exist in his world.

    Appropriate Response: Sit next to him; be as annoying as you can
    Last edited by BushyTheBeaver; 12-06-2011 at 08:41 AM.

  2. #2
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    Took the LIRR for years.

    Always loved the Door penguins.

    You walk onto an empty platform and see one dude standing at the edge reading the Wall Street Journal. Another similarly be-suited geek, then another...comes along and stand inches from the other guy...until you have evenly spaced clusters of geekdudes standing on top of eachother with no regard to personal space....and 30 feet empty between.

    Why? Because they know where the doors open. They want to be first!

    And they all assume the first guy has inside info on where the doors will stop.

    SOmetimes he's right, sometimes he's not.

    What I would do is...plant myself about 5 feet away from an edge-geek.

    About every third time the train would stop and the door would slow right in front of the penguins..then suddenly lurch forward to where I stood alone.

    The flustered and foiled penguins would begin a furious sideways walk as a group to the infernal door...an almost perceptible angry "quacking" could be discerned...as I waltzed alone onto the train.

    I win, penguins.


    I WIN


    -

  3. #3
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    Dont ride the train much anymore, but It applies to the bus as well.!!!! Hate the guy that has big balls or serious crotch rot and has to spread the legs.


    Took me a couple of minutes to figure the thread title!!!

  4. #4
    [QUOTE=BushyTheBeaver;4265884]Among my favorites:

    [B]The Lemme In, Lemme In, Lemme In Guy:[/B] This is the person, male or female but usually male, on the platform who jams himself through the door the second it opens preventing anyone from getting out.

    Appropriate Response: Hard shoulder as you exit


    [B]The Hurray I'm a Door Guy: [/B]This is the person on the platform (50-50 ratio male to female) who when it's their turn to get on takes one step into the car and then stops and plants himself. Cuz his goal of boarding the train has been achieved.

    Appropriate Response: Elbow in the spleen as you enter


    [B]The Here are My Genitals Guy: [/B]You see this most often on the subway. It's always a male, almost always in his teens or 20s, and often black. The idea is to sit slouched down in the seat with your knees so far apart that no one can sit in the seat on either side of you. Like your knees are two positively charge ions.

    Appropriate Response: Vote Republican


    [B]The Oh, Did You Want to Sit in a Seat Like I'm Doing? Guy: [/B]You see this most often on the commuter rail, but on the subway too sometimes. Slightly more male than female, age and race independent. The guy who puts his bag next to him on the seat. If you want to sit down, you have to ask him to move it. He's banking you're too lazy or too polite to do so. And he will not make eye contact under any circumstance. His goal is for you to not exist in his world.

    Appropriate Response: Sit next to him; be as annoying as you can[/QUOTE]..the hooray guy can be anywhere...like on the end of the aisle...glued to the strap and we all have just got on but he won't move... so we have to go around him to the middle of the car...hate that guy...approriate response:japanese mob prank...

  5. #5
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    [QUOTE=32green;4265999]Took the LIRR for years.

    Always loved the Door penguins.

    You walk onto an empty platform and see one dude standing at the edge reading the Wall Street Journal. Another similarly be-suited geek, then another...comes along and stand inches from the other guy...until you have evenly spaced clusters of geekdudes standing on top of eachother with no regard to personal space....and 30 feet empty between.

    Why? Because they know where the doors open. They want to be first!

    And they all assume the first guy has inside info on where the doors will stop.

    SOmetimes he's right, sometimes he's not.

    What I would do is...plant myself about 5 feet away from an edge-geek.

    About every third time the train would stop and the door would slow right in front of the penguins..then suddenly lurch forward to where I stood alone.

    The flustered and foiled penguins would begin a furious sideways walk as a group to the infernal door...an almost perceptible angry "quacking" could be discerned...as I waltzed alone onto the train.

    I win, penguins.


    I WIN


    -[/QUOTE]

    Funny how life is filled with these exhilirating moments of absolute void.

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