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Thread: Gettin' Scoped, *****es!!!!!

  1. #1
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    Gettin' Scoped, *****es!!!!!

    Thaaaaaaat's right! Prepping now for my second colonoscopy in 3 years. Big fun!

    Nothing but clear liquid diet from noon today until after 2 tomorrow.:(

    The Jetworks household isn't a fun place to be right about now.

    On a positive note I'll be shedding about 3 pounds of holiday weight that I gained.:D

  2. #2
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    Didn't you just get scoped a few months back?

    As in surgery?

    _

  3. #3
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    Damn, I've had it done many times, it never gets easier. The good part is eating afterwards when your appetite comes back.

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    [QUOTE=Jetworks;4275749]Thaaaaaaat's right! Prepping now for my second colonoscopy in 3 years. Big fun!

    Nothing but clear liquid diet from noon today until after 2 tomorrow.:(

    The Jetworks household isn't a fun place to be right about now.

    On a positive note I'll be shedding about 3 pounds of holiday weight that I gained.:D[/QUOTE]

    what flavor diarreah juice did you select? i went with the pineapple.

  5. #5
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    [QUOTE=JStokes;4275755]Didn't you just get scoped a few months back?

    As in surgery?

    _[/QUOTE]

    he's just doing it for the freaky kicks. don't encourage him.

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    [QUOTE=Timmy®;4275852]what flavor diarreah juice did you select? i went with the pineapple.[/QUOTE]

    I like the orange and the lemon.

    Of course, it's not JUST for colonscopies anymore.

    _

  7. #7
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    [QUOTE=Jetworks;4275749]Thaaaaaaat's right! Prepping now for my second colonoscopy in 3 years. Big fun!

    Nothing but clear liquid diet from noon today until after 2 tomorrow.:(

    The Jetworks household isn't a fun place to be right about now.

    On a positive note I'll be shedding about 3 pounds of holiday weight that I gained.:D[/QUOTE]


    Three pounds for you is akin to me clipping my toe nails.

    :D

    _

  8. #8
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    Oddly, this is right next to the "looking for a few more inches" thread.

    :D

  9. #9
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    [QUOTE=freestater;4275880]Oddly, this is right next to the "looking for a few more inches" thread.

    :D[/QUOTE]

    lolz:D


    Looking at the calender, I've officially entered into avoiding making an appt. territory.

    Got my clearance for the first scope five years ago in my early 40's because Cancer is the number one means of planetary departure for my family.

    :(

    -

  10. #10
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    [QUOTE=JStokes;4275755]Didn't you just get scoped a few months back?

    As in surgery?

    _[/QUOTE]

    Yup, the feelgood vibe that is my life is always on an uptick.:rolleyes:

    [QUOTE=Gangrene;4275760]Damn, I've had it done many times, it never gets easier. The good part is eating afterwards when your appetite comes back.[/QUOTE]

    Sooooo going straight afterwards to get something that will adhere itself to the walls of my intestines in a big way.

    [QUOTE=Timmy®;4275852]what flavor diarreah juice did you select? i went with the pineapple.[/QUOTE]

    French Onion.

    [QUOTE=quantum;4275857]he's just doing it for the freaky kicks. don't encourage him.[/QUOTE]

    Not true.

    I'm doing it for science.

    And my health.

    And the free, legal high beforehand.

    [QUOTE=JStokes;4275862]Three pounds for you is akin to me clipping my toe nails.

    :D

    _[/QUOTE]

    I figured you for a mani/pedi type of guy.

    Just sayin'.

    [QUOTE=freestater;4275880]Oddly, this is right next to the "looking for a few more inches" thread.
    [/QUOTE]

    :D


    [QUOTE=32green;4275883]lolz:D


    Looking at the calender, I've officially entered into avoiding making an appt. territory.

    Got my clearance for the first scope five years ago in my early 40's because Cancer is the number one means of planetary departure for my family.

    :(

    -[/QUOTE]

    Sorry to hear, man. We got the prostate on my side.

    I have to go for this (and endoscopies) every few years due to the enormous amounts of acid (and subsequent ulcers, go figure:rolleyes:) my stomach churns out. Medication helps, but we like to stay on top of things.
    Last edited by Jetworks; 12-13-2011 at 07:10 PM.

  11. #11
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    Hysterical column from Dave Barry for anyone who has had or is about to have a colonoscopy.

    [B]Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal: [/B]

    I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

    I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

    I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug.. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

    The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

    MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

    After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

    At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

    Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

    When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere.. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

    'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

    I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

    I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

  12. #12
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    [QUOTE=32green;4275883]




    Got my clearance for the first scope five years ago in my early 40's because Cancer is the number one means of planetary departure for my family.

    :(

    -[/QUOTE]

    you and me both bro. i pay a lot for life insurance because of it.

  13. #13
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    This is fcuking brutal. I'm supposed to be drifting off the la-la land right now. Instead I'm in a waiting room with three people still ahead of me.

  14. #14
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    [QUOTE=Timmy®;4275988]you and me both bro. i pay a lot for life insurance because of it.[/QUOTE]
    Cancer is not a big problem in my family until later in life. Until then, what we look out for is Tri-State Idiocy and all the complication.s

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    [QUOTE=Jetworks;4276578]This is fcuking brutal. I'm supposed to be drifting off the la-la land right now. Instead I'm in a waiting room with three people still ahead of me.[/QUOTE]

    Hope it all went well -- or as well as it can. :P

    When I had mine, I think the doc said not to come back for 10 years (no problems and no family history). But I was still so doped up on anesthesia after-effects, I'm not sure that's what he said. :D

  16. #16
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    [QUOTE=Jetworks;4276578]This is fcuking brutal. I'm supposed to be drifting off the la-la land right now. Instead I'm in a waiting room with three people still ahead of me.[/QUOTE]

    The waiting sucks, but the diarrhea is awesome, amiright?

    _

  17. #17
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    [QUOTE=WestCoastOffensive;4276699]Cancer is not a big problem in my family until later in life. Until then, what we look out for is Tri-State Idiocy and all the complication.s[/QUOTE]

    M*******s, everyone has one.

    Edit. That should read m*ssh*le?

  18. #18
    As a consummate hypochondriac, I absolutely despise this thread, Jetworks for starting it, and everyone else who shared an anecdote from their procedure.

  19. #19
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    [QUOTE=Borgoguy;4276875]As a consummate hypochondriac, I absolutely despise this thread, Jetworks for starting it, and everyone else who shared an anecdote from their procedure.[/QUOTE]

    Afraid of the pipe, eh?


    Maybe JT can assuage your fears.

  20. #20
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    [QUOTE=Borgoguy;4276875]As a consummate hypochondriac, I absolutely despise this thread, Jetworks for starting it, and everyone else who shared an anecdote from their procedure.[/QUOTE]

    You haven't eaten a good burger until you scarf one knowing your poopshoot is polipless and squeeky shiny clean like a souvenir conch shell.


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