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Thread: Things You Didn't Know About Airlines

  1. #1
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    Things You Didn't Know About Airlines

    Slow day in the Hampur.

    [url]http://www.rd.com/advice/work-career/50-secrets-your-pilot-wont-tell-you/3/?trkid=outbrain-all[/url]

    It’s Not All Glamour Up in the Air

    “When you get on that airplane at 7 a.m., you want your pilot to be rested and ready. But the hotels they put us in now are so bad that there are many nights when I toss and turn. They’re in bad neighborhoods, they’re loud, they’ve got bedbugs, and there have been stabbings in the parking lot.” -Jack Stephan

    “Those buddy passes they give us? I give them only to my enemies now. Sure, you can get a $1,000 airfare to Seattle for $100. But since you have to fly standby, it will take you three months to get back because you can’t get a seat.” -Pilot, South Carolina

    Here’s a Little More Free Advice

    “Cold on the airplane? Tell your flight attendant. We’re in a constant battle with them over the temperature. They’re moving all the time, up and down the aisles, so they are always calling and saying, ‘Turn up the air.’ But most passengers I know are freezing.” -Captain at a major carrier

    “I always tell my kids to travel in sturdy shoes. If you have to evacuate and your flip-flops fall off, there you are standing on the hot tarmac or in the weeds in your bare feet.” -Joe D’Eon

    “Most people get sick after traveling not because of what they breathe but because of what they touch. Always assume that the tray table and the button to push the seat back have not been wiped down, though we do wipe down the lavatory.” -Patrick Smith

    “The general flow of air in any airplane is from front to back. So if you’re really concerned about breathing the freshest possible air or not getting too hot, sit as close to the front as you can. Planes are generally warmest in the back.” -Tech pilot at a regional airline, Texas

    “I know pilots who spend a quarter million on their education and training, then that first year as a pilot, they qualify for food stamps.” -Furloughed first officer, Texas

    Behind the Cockpit Door

    “Do pilots sleep in there? Definitely. Sometimes it’s just a ten-minute catnap, but it happens.” -John Greaves

    “People tend to think the airplane is just flying itself. Trust me, that’s not true. It can fly by itself sometimes. But you’ve always got your hands on the controls waiting for it to mess up. And it does mess up.” -Pilot, South Carolina

    “One time I rode in the jump seat of a 747 freighter, which carries cargo, not passengers. As soon as the doors closed, the first officer went in back and put on a bathrobe and slippers. No kidding. He said, ‘I’ll be damned if I’m going to wear a tie for a bunch of boxes.’” -Tech pilot at a regional airline, Texas

    “We don’t wear our hats in the cockpit, by the way. On TV and in the Far Side comic, you always see these pilots with their hats on, and they have their headsets on over the hat, and that always makes us laugh.” -Joe D’Eon

    “Remember this before you complain about the cost of a ticket: Fares today are about the same as they were in the 1980s.” -Patrick Smith

    A Parting Thought

    “Here’s the truth about airline jobs: You don’t have as much time off as your neighbors think you have, you don’t make as much money as your relatives think you make, and you don’t have as many girlfriends as your wife thinks you have. Still, I can’t believe they pay me to do this.” -Commercial pilot, Charlotte, North Carolina

    Three Things Pilots Will Never Say

    “We’re heading into some thunderstorms.” What they’ll say instead: “It looks like there’s some weather [or “rough air” or “rain showers”] up ahead.”

    “One of our engines just failed.” What they’ll say instead: “One of our engines is indicating improperly.” (Or more likely, they’ll say nothing, and you’ll never know the difference. Most planes fly fine with one engine down.)

    Well, folks, the visibility out there is zero.” What they’ll say instead: “There’s some fog in the Washington area.”

    Airline Lingo

    Blue juice: The water in the lavatory toilet. “There’s no blue juice in the lav.”

    Crotch watch: The required check to make sure all passengers have their seat belts fastened. Also: “groin scan.”

    Crumb crunchers: Kids. “We’ve got a lot of crumb crunchers on this flight.”

    Deadheading: When an airline employee flies as a passenger for company business.

    Gate lice: The people who gather around the gate right before boarding so they can be first on the plane. “Oh, the gate lice are thick today.”

    George: Autopilot. “I’ll let George take over.”

    Landing lips: Female passengers put on their “landing lips” when they use their lipstick just before landing.

    Pax: Passengers.

    Spinners: Passengers who get on late and don’t have a seat assignment, so they spin around looking for a seat.

    Two-for-once special: The plane touches down on landing, bounces up, then touches down again.

    Working the village: Working in coach.

  2. #2
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    [QUOTE=Big L;4492830]Slow day in the Hampur.

    [url]http://www.rd.com/advice/work-career/50-secrets-your-pilot-wont-tell-you/3/?trkid=outbrain-all[/url]

    It’s Not All Glamour Up in the Air

    “When you get on that airplane at 7 a.m., you want your pilot to be rested and ready. But the hotels they put us in now are so bad that there are many nights when I toss and turn. They’re in bad neighborhoods, they’re loud, they’ve got bedbugs, and there have been stabbings in the parking lot.” -Jack Stephan

    “Those buddy passes they give us? I give them only to my enemies now. Sure, you can get a $1,000 airfare to Seattle for $100. But since you have to fly standby, it will take you three months to get back because you can’t get a seat.” -Pilot, South Carolina

    Here’s a Little More Free Advice

    “Cold on the airplane? Tell your flight attendant. We’re in a constant battle with them over the temperature. They’re moving all the time, up and down the aisles, so they are always calling and saying, ‘Turn up the air.’ But most passengers I know are freezing.” -Captain at a major carrier

    “I always tell my kids to travel in sturdy shoes. If you have to evacuate and your flip-flops fall off, there you are standing on the hot tarmac or in the weeds in your bare feet.” -Joe D’Eon

    “Most people get sick after traveling not because of what they breathe but because of what they touch. Always assume that the tray table and the button to push the seat back have not been wiped down, though we do wipe down the lavatory.” -Patrick Smith

    “The general flow of air in any airplane is from front to back. So if you’re really concerned about breathing the freshest possible air or not getting too hot, sit as close to the front as you can. Planes are generally warmest in the back.” -Tech pilot at a regional airline, Texas

    “I know pilots who spend a quarter million on their education and training, then that first year as a pilot, they qualify for food stamps.” -Furloughed first officer, Texas

    Behind the Cockpit Door

    “Do pilots sleep in there? Definitely. Sometimes it’s just a ten-minute catnap, but it happens.” -John Greaves

    “People tend to think the airplane is just flying itself. Trust me, that’s not true. It can fly by itself sometimes. But you’ve always got your hands on the controls waiting for it to mess up. And it does mess up.” -Pilot, South Carolina

    “One time I rode in the jump seat of a 747 freighter, which carries cargo, not passengers. As soon as the doors closed, the first officer went in back and put on a bathrobe and slippers. No kidding. He said, ‘I’ll be damned if I’m going to wear a tie for a bunch of boxes.’” -Tech pilot at a regional airline, Texas

    “We don’t wear our hats in the cockpit, by the way. On TV and in the Far Side comic, you always see these pilots with their hats on, and they have their headsets on over the hat, and that always makes us laugh.” -Joe D’Eon

    “Remember this before you complain about the cost of a ticket: Fares today are about the same as they were in the 1980s.” -Patrick Smith

    A Parting Thought

    “Here’s the truth about airline jobs: You don’t have as much time off as your neighbors think you have, you don’t make as much money as your relatives think you make, and you don’t have as many girlfriends as your wife thinks you have. Still, I can’t believe they pay me to do this.” -Commercial pilot, Charlotte, North Carolina

    Three Things Pilots Will Never Say

    “We’re heading into some thunderstorms.” What they’ll say instead: “It looks like there’s some weather [or “rough air” or “rain showers”] up ahead.”

    “One of our engines just failed.” What they’ll say instead: “One of our engines is indicating improperly.” (Or more likely, they’ll say nothing, and you’ll never know the difference. Most planes fly fine with one engine down.)

    Well, folks, the visibility out there is zero.” What they’ll say instead: “There’s some fog in the Washington area.”

    Airline Lingo

    Blue juice: The water in the lavatory toilet. “There’s no blue juice in the lav.”

    Crotch watch: The required check to make sure all passengers have their seat belts fastened. Also: “groin scan.”

    Crumb crunchers: Kids. “We’ve got a lot of crumb crunchers on this flight.”

    Deadheading: When an airline employee flies as a passenger for company business.

    Gate lice: The people who gather around the gate right before boarding so they can be first on the plane. “Oh, the gate lice are thick today.”

    George: Autopilot. “I’ll let George take over.”

    Landing lips: Female passengers put on their “landing lips” when they use their lipstick just before landing.

    Pax: Passengers.

    Spinners: Passengers who get on late and don’t have a seat assignment, so they spin around looking for a seat.

    Two-for-once special: The plane touches down on landing, bounces up, then touches down again.

    [B]Working the village: Working in coach[/B].[/QUOTE]


    I don't know why, but that one made me laugh.

  3. #3
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    [QUOTE]Pax: Passengers.[/QUOTE]

    That one is pretty standard in transportation.

    Another good one is "Foamer". The guys and (very rare) gals who just LOVE Planes, Trains or the like, and hang out at Terminals, Stations, etc to take pictures and socialize with other Foamers.

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    Who cares?

    Airlines collectively have a six sigma safety record.

    I don't need a rocket scientist to get me from NY to LA.

  5. #5
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    [QUOTE=Owen Reed;4492995]I don't need a rocket scientist to get me from NY to LA.[/QUOTE]

    ANything we can do to speed this up?


    -

  6. #6
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    [QUOTE=Owen Reed;4492995]Who cares?

    Airlines collectively have a six sigma safety record.

    I don't need a rocket scientist to get me from NY to LA.[/QUOTE]

    So you're just being douchey for douchey's sake here? Good for you.

  7. #7
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    [QUOTE=brady's a catcher;4493011]So you're just being douchey for douchey's sake here? Good for you.[/QUOTE]

    What's douchey about what I wrote?

    The airlines get me from point A to point B with remarkable accuracy, consistency and safety.

    Unless I'm some thin-skinned fairy, what do I care what pilots and stewardesses are doing or saying about me and my fellow travelers behind closed doors?

  8. #8
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    [QUOTE=Owen Reed;4493013]What's douchey about what I wrote?

    The airlines get me from point A to point B with remarkable accuracy, consistency and safety.

    [/QUOTE]

    How ghey.

    I miss when stewardess were hot chicks- now they are old bag "attendants" with a bad f***ing attitude. I used to sit in the aisle seats to rub up against them, now I sit in the window seat and cringe when their wrinkled 90 year old hands come near me with the drink.

    [url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XawRcZWgBPw[/url]

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    [QUOTE=Owen Reed;4493013]What's douchey about what I wrote?

    The airlines get me from point A to point B with remarkable accuracy, consistency and safety.

    [B]Unless I'm some thin-skinned fairy, what do I care what pilots and stewardesses are doing or saying about me and my fellow travelers behind closed doors?[/B][/QUOTE]

    I guess i just don't see your point. I consider air travel very safe and I fly when I need to for business and personal travel. Still, I thought it was interesting to hear some behind the scenes stuff, especially b/c I fly a lot. How is that "thin-skinned fairy-ish"?

    Anyway, glad you've had uneventful flights, that's all any of us can ask for.

  10. #10
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    Also some male flight attendants are teh ghey. Allegedly.
    Last edited by BushyTheBeaver; 06-15-2012 at 09:15 PM.

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    [QUOTE=Owen Reed;4493013]What's douchey about what I wrote?

    The airlines get me from point A to point B with remarkable accuracy, consistency and safety.

    Unless I'm some thin-skinned fairy, what do I care what pilots and stewardesses are doing or saying about me and my fellow travelers behind closed doors?[/QUOTE]

    That was pretty douchy. I don't think the authors point was "OMG, I can't believe they'd say that!". More humorous, I'd say, with the guy who flys cargo and said ‘I’ll be damned if I’m going to wear a tie for a bunch of boxes.’.

    Either way, congrats on becoming the next GMC.

  12. #12
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    Also flying standby also means you don't get a meal if they don't have enough. It also figures in your benefits and pay so you get paid less because you can get standby flights. You have to fly basically when nobody else wants to take a vacation. Mechanics and pilots don't have holidays because that's when paying passengers want to fly.

  13. #13
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    [QUOTE=BushyTheBeaver;4493038]Also some male flight attendants are teh ghey. Allegedly.[/QUOTE]

    some? :dunno:
























    allegheydly.

  14. #14
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    [QUOTE=brady's a catcher;4492884]I don't know why, but that one made me laugh.[/QUOTE]

    I'm laughing at that one right now. :D

  15. #15
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    [QUOTE=Owen Reed;4493013]What's douchey about what I wrote?

    The airlines get me from point A to point B with remarkable accuracy, consistency and safety.

    Unless I'm some thin-skinned fairy, what do I care what pilots and stewardesses are doing or saying about me and my fellow travelers behind closed doors?[/QUOTE]
    So you're debunking the myth that you are a thin-skinned fairy? I wonder what timmy thinks
    [QUOTE=Timmy®;4493016]How ghey.[/quote]
    I wonder no more.

    [quote=timmy]I miss when stewardess were hot chicks- now they are old bag "attendants" with a bad f***ing attitude. I used to sit in the aisle seats to rub up against them, now I sit in the window seat and cringe when their wrinkled 90 year old hands come near me with the drink.

    [url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XawRcZWgBPw[/url][/QUOTE]

    :rockon:
    Last edited by WestCoastOffensive; 06-16-2012 at 01:36 AM.

  16. #16
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    [QUOTE=WestCoastOffensive;4493175]I'm laughing at that one right now. :D[/QUOTE]

    I hope I'm never to old to be a knucklehead who laughs at goofy shiite. :yes:

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    Vick has no problem laughing when someone's mother dies but goes apesh!t
    when the airline industry is attacked.

  18. #18
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    [QUOTE=Timmy®;4493278]Vick has no problem laughing when someone's mother dies but goes apesh!t
    when the airline industry is attacked.[/QUOTE]

    So you're saying he's a motherless airlines employee?

  19. #19
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    I probably fly more than anyone, on every single kind of plane, different classes/airlines/etc.

    The article is correct (there's way more problematic stuff than that - REAL problematic stuff, not petty stuff) that we don't know about, but there's not much you can do about it except get a good seat, and just get to the next city.

    It's all about personal experiences, and personal comfort. If you fly once in a while, who cares. If you fly every day, you have to take care of yourself.

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