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Thread: Greatest Standup Routines

  1. #21

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by dmitexxi View Post
    I was young and my parents wouldn't let me see his standup but I remember setting up the cassette recorder when they would watch so I'd have the audio To listen too and trade stuff for it in school. Good memories

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1viJ...e_gdata_player
    By far the best

    Gooney goo goo, I thought I learned some new Spanish shlt. I went to my friend Sanchez, I said hey Sanchez Gooney goo goo. Sanchez said get the fukc outta here.

    Lmao, good ol days.

  3. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Mitch Hedberg? Funny as hell. Mrs. Big L and I saw him open for Stephen Lynch. Mitch looked and sounded high as a kite. Mrs. Big L was never in to drugs, and she says to me "Is this guy high?".
    Yup. That dude had the best delivery for his time...

    An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
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    I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
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    My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
    My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

  4. #24
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    The comedy specials from the 80s when HBO was 'new' I will always remember - George Carlin. Robin Williams, Bill Cosby, Steven Wright, Eddie Murphy, etc - I'll never forget those.

    I still use a lot of those lines today.

    i.e.

    My shoe!!!

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    The comedy specials from the 80s when HBO was 'new' I will always remember - George Carlin. Robin Williams, Bill Cosby, Steven Wright, Eddie Murphy, etc - I'll never forget those.

    I still use a lot of those lines today.

    i.e.

    My shoe!!!
    I saw Bill Cosby live at Radio City probably back in the 80s. And he never cursed.

    Except once.

    He said he was at a college grad school party with a bunch of condescending dicks (he was older at the time) and he saw this young d-bag doing coke.

    So he asked the student "why do you do coke?"

    The youngster answered, in a really slow and snooty voice, "because it enhances your personality."

    So Cosby asked him "what happens if you're an as$hole?"

    Too true and so funny

    _

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by 124 View Post
    Jim Jeffries on religion


  7. #27
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    This guy used to get it:


  8. #28
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    Bob Nelson's Football Routine

    Bob Nelson got a ton of mileage out of this standup performance from 1984. Starting at about the 1:50 mark, he had my buddies and me dying!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_L6Ie...eature=related

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by JStokes View Post
    I saw Bill Cosby live at Radio City probably back in the 80s. And he never cursed.


    _

    That's the other thing that made his HBO special so great, he didn't need to.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JStokes View Post
    I saw Bill Cosby live at Radio City probably back in the 80s. And he never cursed.

    Except once.

    He said he was at a college grad school party with a bunch of condescending dicks (he was older at the time) and he saw this young d-bag doing coke.

    So he asked the student "why do you do coke?"

    The youngster answered, in a really slow and snooty voice, "because it enhances your personality."

    So Cosby asked him "what happens if you're an as$hole?"

    Too true and so funny

    _
    That was the genius of Cosby and those like him it isn't easy to make people laugh without profanity.

  11. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by simijet View Post
    Bob Nelson got a ton of mileage out of this standup performance from 1984. Starting at about the 1:50 mark, he had my buddies and me dying!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_L6Ie...eature=related
    taped this on vhs and use to watch it all the time. love it

  12. #32
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  13. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    That's the other thing that made his HBO special so great, he didn't need to.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gy2pG...feature=fvwrel

  14. #34
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    Larry Miller, The 5 levels of drinking.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eceSHKqwUPY

  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by simijet View Post
    Bob Nelson got a ton of mileage out of this standup performance from 1984. Starting at about the 1:50 mark, he had my buddies and me dying!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_L6Ie...eature=related
    this guy was a riot, I saw him open for Rodney on Broadway right around that time...btw, that's what my first football helmet looked like

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  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by JStokes View Post
    One of my favorite shows ever.

    I watched that with my Dad and he almost crapped his pants laughing at the Andrew Dice Clay routine. Old Mother Cupboard lived in a shoe, she had some many kids...her uterous fell out.

    I loved that show--Clay, Irrera and Schimmel were great.

    Btw, my brother dated Carol Leifer in High School, took her to the senior prom. She had big cans.

    _
    Schimmel's joke about the anal beads kills me every time.

  19. #39

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    Quote Originally Posted by BushyTheBeaver View Post
    This was brilliant.

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