Last edited by southside; 07-11-2012 at 11:03 AM.
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
The comedy specials from the 80s when HBO was 'new' I will always remember - George Carlin. Robin Williams, Bill Cosby, Steven Wright, Eddie Murphy, etc - I'll never forget those.
I still use a lot of those lines today.
He said he was at a college grad school party with a bunch of condescending dicks (he was older at the time) and he saw this young d-bag doing coke.
So he asked the student "why do you do coke?"
The youngster answered, in a really slow and snooty voice, "because it enhances your personality."
So Cosby asked him "what happens if you're an as$hole?"
Too true and so funny
This guy used to get it:
Bob Nelson got a ton of mileage out of this standup performance from 1984. Starting at about the 1:50 mark, he had my buddies and me dying!
Last edited by southside; 07-11-2012 at 03:41 PM.
Last edited by southside; 07-11-2012 at 03:49 PM.