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Thread: getting a divorce b^tches!!!!

  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    I hear you brother, I do.

    Women are mercurial..you are young...what happens when you meet a new chick before she finds happiness with someone else?

    A notarized piece of paper wont stand up when she decides to make you pay for her unhappiness....a/o jealousy.

    I've seen this scenario play out many times amongst my own friends.

    I'll let my comments stand and see if anyone else agrees.

    Good luck!
    This is spot on.

    When I got separated when I was 29 and it was very amicable. We actually went out to dinner on our fifth anniversary and the topic of discussion was splitting up. We both wanted it and thought it was best. It was so amicable that we went home that night and had sex.

    I gave my wife everything we had. Fortunately we hadn't bought a house yet. I even took all the debt which was about 25K. Hell, I even helped her move out. I got to see my kid whenever I wanted.

    Sounds like the perfect split, right?

    Yeah, until I started dating a hot little 18 year old French au pair. I was happy and she wasn't. So she started being an evil b****.

    So when the divorce started, I got the best divorce attorney I could find. I got it all in writing.

    I'm not sure how the law works in each state, but I lived in Connecticut at the time and unless the divorce clearly states there is no alimony, the spouse can always go to court and reopen it. So my ex's lawyer asked for $1 alimony a year. Sounds like nothing until she decides that you make too much money now and she wants a piece of it. Or God forbid something happens to her and she becomes unemployed or worse, she is incompassitated. Guess what... despite the fact that you have gone your separate ways, she takes you to court and that little piece of paper you originally signed won't mean jack sh!t.

    Hello alimony.

    Not me... I got it all in writing and I never paid a penny in alimony.

    As I said earlier, I get along great with my ex now and have for many years. But we went through a rough period there for a while.

    I said it before and I'll say it again... if you are getting divorced, get a lawyer. And not just any lawyer, a good divorce lawyer. It will pay for itself for years to come.

    Having as much as you can in black and white in the eyes of the law can even help you and your soon to be ex get along better in the long run.

    Good luck.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by neevsmazda07 View Post
    she claims that she only wants me to make sure that the kids are taken care of and the rest she can handle. she has the house and the car so to me she is ahead of me in that aspect.
    Bad move, bro.

    It only costs $5 to file a separation agreement with the county. And as far as child support goes, pay 25% - 30% of your income to her. Starting now.

    Give her the car, help her get an apt...but you stay in your current house. Keep the kids as much as possible, don't just opt for weekends or weekdays.


    If you willingly pay CS without a court order, stay in your house, have the kids a lot and help her get on her feet...no matter how batty she may get in court (which happens a lot...even when it begins amicably. wait until she sees you with another hot chick) you'll look like the stable one.

    And NEVER pay support with cash. ALWAYS write a check.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by PlumberKhan View Post
    And NEVER pay support with cash. ALWAYS write a check.
    Had a dummass friend do this....I begged him. "There's no proof you gave her anything, bro!"

    Nope.

    Before it even got to court, she's buying xbox games and 45 dollar haircuts for the kids while the utility bills were not being paid for months.

    They turned the power off...with 4 kids in the house....and he's blindsided by this.

    A real mess.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by PlumberKhan View Post
    Bad move, bro.

    It only costs $5 to file a separation agreement with the county. And as far as child support goes, pay 25% - 30% of your income to her. Starting now.

    Give her the car, help her get an apt...but you stay in your current house. Keep the kids as much as possible, don't just opt for weekends or weekdays.


    If you willingly pay CS without a court order, stay in your house, have the kids a lot and help her get on her feet...no matter how batty she may get in court (which happens a lot...even when it begins amicably. wait until she sees you with another hot chick) you'll look like the stable one.

    And NEVER pay support with cash. ALWAYS write a check.
    You are seriously getting good advice here.

    There's a reason stories that end in "happily ever after" never include the word "divorce".

    Especially with kids.

    You can end up in a good place but you had better take the proper steps to get there or I can just about guarantee you will regret it later.

    So again... invest in a good divorce lawyer or invest in Vaseline.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by NY2FLDWC85 View Post
    Best advice? Don't put too much into what people over a football message board have to say, follow your heart man. Following your heart is the best advice, because no one understands your on personality/situation and/or feelings as well as you do yourself.
    Yes, he should have to read trite cliches on a football message board instead.

    What was said about it being a process is true. The whole thing, from the decision to divorce right down to the signing of the paperwork, your first VISIT with your kids, the first time you or your ex sees each other with someone else, everything, is a process. It's an all a new dynamic, requiring a new mindset, one that will only evolve and adapt over TIME.

  6. #46
    I'd say get the kids try to get the kids
    1st week - weekdays
    2nd week weekends

    so you can juggle.
    If you are going to be leading a single life you want a weekend or 2.
    So you can go out on a date. (Once/If you start dating)

  7. #47
    My divorce cost me over $20k in lawyers fees, and it was well worth it. One mistake I constantly see being made by friends and relatives is the "my ex is a reasonable person, we won't have to fight, she doesn't want to keep me away from the kids, etc...". Number one, no woman is reasonable. None. Number 2, you WILL have to fight. Big time. Number 3, your ex will without a shadow of a doubt use your kid/kids as pawns in an attempt to get more money from you.

    I started off in the "my ex is reasonable and would always do what's best for our child" camp. We had a mutual divorce and she had a lawyer draft up divorce papers. Jusrt to be safe I ran them by a different lawyer before signing them. When I went to meet with the lawyer after he reviewed the papers, he actually asked me what kind of illegal business I was running or if I was hiding a substantial amount of income somewhere. It turned out she had the divorce written as if I had an implied income of $400k a year ( I do well for myself but I don't make near that). Not only that, it was written with a mandatory increase of 10% each year AND it could NEVER be modified. It was highway robbery and would have cost me something to the tune of $15k month by the time my child was 10. She did that under the guise of being very sweet and saying that she would share 50/50 custody with me. Well, of course the agreement she had written only gave me every other weekend along with her discretion if she had plans on my weekend. Honestly, the only logical thought was she didn't think I'd read it at all and just sign it under the guise that she was "reasonable" throughout the process. The mutual reason of why we were divorcing by the way was because she was cheating on me, with a couple different people.

    $20k later in lawyer fees and I managed to get every other weekend FRI-Monday morning plus 1 weeknight and the standard child support weekly per the NJ state child support calculator.

    I have 2 friends who went ahead and believed their ex was reasonable and both of them are getting royally ****ed and barely seeing their kids. Especially the one who lost his job due to the economy.

    If you are a male and you have kids involved in this divorce that you intend to see more than every other weekend, you NEED A LAWYER! Every law favors women heavily in NJ and you need a lawyer to find legal ways to get your ex to relent and give you more time with your children. I had rights to spousal property that she inherited and deposited into joint accounts, thus gifting it to me technically. My lawyer used that as a chip to get her to relent and give me more time with my kids.

    And just as a good laugh for you all, one of the sticking points of our divorce was she wanted 50% rights to any inherited money I received in the future from my family. She actually wrote in an agreement amendment that she would release her rights to any inheritance I receive in the future (to which she actually had no legal rights to at all)post divorce if I release my rights to her inheritance that she already received that I mentioned earlier. That's how friggin crazy women are. She actually forced her lawyer to put an illegal amendment stating she would release rights to something she had no legal right or ownership to what so ever if I would release my rights to money I had legal rights to but was forfeiting for more time with my child.

    GET A LAWYER!!! A GOOD ONE!

  8. #48
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    Lots of great advice here...

    My lawyer actually had me sign something saying I would not come back to sue her due to the great deal I was giving my ex...

    I just wanted out and gave her everything and more.

    DON'T MAKE THIS MISTAKE....you will regret it eventually.

    Things will get worse as time goes on...how to raise the kids...who and when you should bring someone around your kids....holiday sharing....spiteful crap.

    And prepare to go back to court several times....I've been so many times I don't even need a lawyer anymore...13 years later!

    With all that said AND SAYING I WOULD NEVER MARRY again I found the perfect woman for me ...6 years happily married the way it should be.

    Good luck!

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snell41 View Post
    My divorce cost me over $20k in lawyers fees, and it was well worth it. One mistake I constantly see being made by friends and relatives is the "my ex is a reasonable person, we won't have to fight, she doesn't want to keep me away from the kids, etc...". Number one, no woman is reasonable. None. Number 2, you WILL have to fight. Big time. Number 3, your ex will without a shadow of a doubt use your kid/kids as pawns in an attempt to get more money from you.

    I started off in the "my ex is reasonable and would always do what's best for our child" camp. We had a mutual divorce and she had a lawyer draft up divorce papers. Jusrt to be safe I ran them by a different lawyer before signing them. When I went to meet with the lawyer after he reviewed the papers, he actually asked me what kind of illegal business I was running or if I was hiding a substantial amount of income somewhere. It turned out she had the divorce written as if I had an implied income of $400k a year ( I do well for myself but I don't make near that). Not only that, it was written with a mandatory increase of 10% each year AND it could NEVER be modified. It was highway robbery and would have cost me something to the tune of $15k month by the time my child was 10. She did that under the guise of being very sweet and saying that she would share 50/50 custody with me. Well, of course the agreement she had written only gave me every other weekend along with her discretion if she had plans on my weekend. Honestly, the only logical thought was she didn't think I'd read it at all and just sign it under the guise that she was "reasonable" throughout the process. The mutual reason of why we were divorcing by the way was because she was cheating on me, with a couple different people.

    $20k later in lawyer fees and I managed to get every other weekend FRI-Monday morning plus 1 weeknight and the standard child support weekly per the NJ state child support calculator.

    I have 2 friends who went ahead and believed their ex was reasonable and both of them are getting royally ****ed and barely seeing their kids. Especially the one who lost his job due to the economy.

    If you are a male and you have kids involved in this divorce that you intend to see more than every other weekend, you NEED A LAWYER! Every law favors women heavily in NJ and you need a lawyer to find legal ways to get your ex to relent and give you more time with your children. I had rights to spousal property that she inherited and deposited into joint accounts, thus gifting it to me technically. My lawyer used that as a chip to get her to relent and give me more time with my kids.

    And just as a good laugh for you all, one of the sticking points of our divorce was she wanted 50% rights to any inherited money I received in the future from my family. She actually wrote in an agreement amendment that she would release her rights to any inheritance I receive in the future (to which she actually had no legal rights to at all)post divorce if I release my rights to her inheritance that she already received that I mentioned earlier. That's how friggin crazy women are. She actually forced her lawyer to put an illegal amendment stating she would release rights to something she had no legal right or ownership to what so ever if I would release my rights to money I had legal rights to but was forfeiting for more time with my child.

    GET A LAWYER!!! A GOOD ONE!
    Sounds like my ex...maybe they are cousins! I actually was smiling during this happy that some one else went through hell as I have.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snell41 View Post
    My divorce cost me over $20k in lawyers fees, and it was well worth it. One mistake I constantly see being made by friends and relatives is the "my ex is a reasonable person, we won't have to fight, she doesn't want to keep me away from the kids, etc...". Number one, no woman is reasonable. None. Number 2, you WILL have to fight. Big time. Number 3, your ex will without a shadow of a doubt use your kid/kids as pawns in an attempt to get more money from you.

    I started off in the "my ex is reasonable and would always do what's best for our child" camp. We had a mutual divorce and she had a lawyer draft up divorce papers. Jusrt to be safe I ran them by a different lawyer before signing them. When I went to meet with the lawyer after he reviewed the papers, he actually asked me what kind of illegal business I was running or if I was hiding a substantial amount of income somewhere. It turned out she had the divorce written as if I had an implied income of $400k a year ( I do well for myself but I don't make near that). Not only that, it was written with a mandatory increase of 10% each year AND it could NEVER be modified. It was highway robbery and would have cost me something to the tune of $15k month by the time my child was 10. She did that under the guise of being very sweet and saying that she would share 50/50 custody with me. Well, of course the agreement she had written only gave me every other weekend along with her discretion if she had plans on my weekend. Honestly, the only logical thought was she didn't think I'd read it at all and just sign it under the guise that she was "reasonable" throughout the process. The mutual reason of why we were divorcing by the way was because she was cheating on me, with a couple different people.

    $20k later in lawyer fees and I managed to get every other weekend FRI-Monday morning plus 1 weeknight and the standard child support weekly per the NJ state child support calculator.

    I have 2 friends who went ahead and believed their ex was reasonable and both of them are getting royally ****ed and barely seeing their kids. Especially the one who lost his job due to the economy.

    If you are a male and you have kids involved in this divorce that you intend to see more than every other weekend, you NEED A LAWYER! Every law favors women heavily in NJ and you need a lawyer to find legal ways to get your ex to relent and give you more time with your children. I had rights to spousal property that she inherited and deposited into joint accounts, thus gifting it to me technically. My lawyer used that as a chip to get her to relent and give me more time with my kids.

    And just as a good laugh for you all, one of the sticking points of our divorce was she wanted 50% rights to any inherited money I received in the future from my family. She actually wrote in an agreement amendment that she would release her rights to any inheritance I receive in the future (to which she actually had no legal rights to at all)post divorce if I release my rights to her inheritance that she already received that I mentioned earlier. That's how friggin crazy women are. She actually forced her lawyer to put an illegal amendment stating she would release rights to something she had no legal right or ownership to what so ever if I would release my rights to money I had legal rights to but was forfeiting for more time with my child.

    GET A LAWYER!!! A GOOD ONE!


    Listen to this Neevs!

  11. #51

    Just went through this

    Last year, wife moved out after 20 yrs. No cheating on either side, no abuse, midlife crisis on her part, didnt want to be married any more. Moved out and moved across town. I kept the house and kids.

    Did the twice a week dinner thing with the kids, and then in May, she's like, I'm moving to Florida. Got a joint attorney, split up the retirement money, no alimony, I agreed to fund the kids college, (I make a good bit more than she does) and we're done. Papers are filed. We're through.

    The world's calmest, and possibly cheapest divorce. I always knew she wanted to go back to Florida, and there was no way in hell I was ever going back, so all in all not the worst thing in the world. Last three years had been a slow death as it was, not fighting, more like dual suffocation.

    Taking a few months to get my teenagers settled with the idea, and then I'll start dating again, but to both of our credits we've kept it pretty amicable for the kids sake. May be wrong to think of it this way, but I'm the big winner in this, I kept my kids, who I adore, and she is gonna be in for a hellacious round of self inflicted guilt trips over the next few months when she realizes that she won't see them very often.

  12. #52
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    Great advice everyone many thanks!!! I will listen and definitely get a divorce lawyer. At the very least for the alimony/child support/ visitation crap. If she fights that then she will be caught in another one of her lies. This is the type of that made me hesitant about getting married in the first place.

  13. #53
    ^^^This is smart, when I saw what you wrote about making your own arrangements for child support it jumped right out like a red flag. At the very least you should consult with an attorney just to preempt the possibility of her turning around and suing you for back support only to see you pay all over again. I've heard of cases where guys did what you suggested, and even had all of the contributions well documented with receipts and money in the form of checks only, only to get sued retroactively anyway and lose. I guess some judges will assess it accordingly,where others will say "that's nice, but since it wasn't instituted under the directive of a court structured arrangement we're not going to recognize it."

  14. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by movethechains View Post
    ^^^This is smart, when I saw what you wrote about making your own arrangements for child support it jumped right out like a red flag. At the very least you should consult with an attorney just to preempt the possibility of her turning around and suing you for back support only to see you pay all over again. I've heard of cases where guys did what you suggested, and even had all of the contributions well documented with receipts and money in the form of checks only, only to get sued retroactively anyway and lose. I guess some judges will assess it accordingly,where others will say "that's nice, but since it wasn't instituted under the directive of a court structured arrangement we're not going to recognize it."

    Listen to this Neevs...lol...

  15. #55
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    wassup guys. went bar hopping last night, i felt like i pulled a jordan and took down the jersey from the rafters for another go around. got a couple of numbers out of it but more than anything i was doing alot of observation of typical male behaviors at bars. it sucks just how much men fall victims willingly to woman and their tricks. free drinks and free food, all just for the man to pay for it all and still not increase his odds of getting any action at the end of the night. im pretty sure that we as men have all fallen victim to it. it was funny also that she stayed up all night waiting for me to get home lmao

  16. #56
    Quote Originally Posted by neevsmazda07 View Post
    wassup guys. went bar hopping last night, i felt like i pulled a jordan and took down the jersey from the rafters for another go around. got a couple of numbers out of it but more than anything i was doing alot of observation of typical male behaviors at bars. it sucks just how much men fall victims willingly to woman and their tricks. free drinks and free food, all just for the man to pay for it all and still not increase his odds of getting any action at the end of the night. im pretty sure that we as men have all fallen victim to it. it was funny also that she stayed up all night waiting for me to get home lmao
    I just show up to the bar not wearing any pants.

  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by dustykeller View Post
    I just show up to the bar not wearing any pants.
    I bring chloroform for those real hard to get types.

  18. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by NY2FLDWC85 View Post
    Best advice? Don't put too much into what people over a football message board have to say, follow your heart man. Following your heart is the best advice, because no one understands your on personality/situation and/or feelings as well as you do yourself.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jetworks View Post
    Yes, he should have to read trite cliches on a football message board instead.

    Sure its a football messageboard, but all of the BS is on the football side - everything in here is real life - as stupid or retarded as it gets. I've gotten then best advice from the Hampur more than anywhere else. You won't get biased opinions by asking your friends or family.


    Quote Originally Posted by neevsmazda07 View Post
    wassup guys. went bar hopping last night, i felt like i pulled a jordan and took down the jersey from the rafters for another go around. got a couple of numbers out of it but more than anything i was doing alot of observation of typical male behaviors at bars. it sucks just how much men fall victims willingly to woman and their tricks. free drinks and free food, all just for the man to pay for it all and still not increase his odds of getting any action at the end of the night. im pretty sure that we as men have all fallen victim to it. it was funny also that she stayed up all night waiting for me to get home lmao

    This seems a bit early to be going out and doing this, no?
    Just be careful she doesn't go out and use this **** against you.

  19. #59
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    After reading all of these posts frankly I'm more depressed than ever.

    Now I understand the whole 'stay together for the kids' logic.


    So let me ask you guys that ended up getting separated/divorced - where did you guys end up living once it was all agreed upon?
    Stay at a friends? End up renting a crappy apartment in a place like Bachelor Arms Apartments?

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    This seems a bit early to be going out and doing this, no?
    Just be careful she doesn't go out and use this **** against you.
    Yeah, be careful with this one. Until you have a legal separation, you are "legally" married. And in this day and age of camera phones, you could get bagged without even knowing it.

    Having an amicable divorce sounds great in theory. But the reality is that it becomes much more emotional as it progresses. Guilt, sadness and anger will likely rear their heads to a degree at some point.

    Don't give the ammo to use against you.

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