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Thread: Goddamn fiber

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down Goddamn fiber

    Wtf?

    So this is the price I pay for trying to clean sweep my colon - I turn into a walking, distended methane machine....wtf.

    I mean, the clean ghost poops are nice, but it gets old after the 3rd time before noon. I swear I going to the bathroom now just to fart - more so than my normal regimen.


    I don't know how vegetarians do it.

  2. #2
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    Fiber for solid doots? I seem to get the opposite results.

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    I'm with you, Fish. The number of fake/false dumps is astounding, but you can never trust a fart so you kinda have to sit on the crapper and let the stinky air flow.

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    It seems that I have irregular sections of doots, interspersed with large gaps of air in between.

    So I'll let out a giant, cavernous sounding flatus, following by the launching of tootsie-roll-type doots that get smashed up against the side of the bowl. And then nothing.

    Until of course I walk balk to my desk and fill up with gas again.
    Also for the record I am apparently too cheap to buy Gas-X.

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  6. #6
    Why such an intestinal tempest? How much friggin' fiber are you consuming?

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2milehighJet View Post


    It would take over 30,000 bowls!

    RIP Phil

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    I

    So I'll let out a giant, cavernous sounding flatus, following by the launching of tootsie-roll-type doots that get smashed up against the side of the bowl. And then nothing.
    please merge with Le Hampur Feedbag thread

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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Borgoguy View Post
    Why such an intestinal tempest? How much friggin' fiber are you consuming?
    Not that much, really. Maybe my body is thrown off by my occasional bout of healthy food intake.

    I think the milk in my coffee isn't helping.



    I swear I am going to over-trust a fart one day in my cubicle and I will end up having to leave work early because I had to flush my underwear down the terlet.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Not that much, really. Maybe my body is thrown off by my occasional bout of healthy food intake.

    I think the milk in my coffee isn't helping.



    I swear I am going to over-trust a fart one day in my cubicle and I will end up having to leave work early because I had to flush my underwear down the terlet.
    Did that one time . Remember those cholesterol free potato chips with Olestra or somethin like that? The grease that would just flow right through you? Yeah, well, ate some of those on an empty stomach at lunch time. Felt a fart coming on a bit later, and it was nothing but liquid grease. Had to sneak out of the office with greasy underpantaloons. Luckily I lived less than a mile from the office at the time. Damn grease even got a little in the fabric of my office chair. Swapped out my chair with some dooshnozzle who didn't come in until late every morning the next day.

  12. #12
    you should snack on sunflower seeds. they have 2g per severing and they keep you occupied at work

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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Did that one time . Remember those cholesterol free potato chips with Olestra or somethin like that? The grease that would just flow right through you? Yeah, well, ate some of those on an empty stomach at lunch time. Felt a fart coming on a bit later, and it was nothing but liquid grease. Had to sneak out of the office with greasy underpantaloons. Luckily I lived less than a mile from the office at the time. Damn grease even got a little in the fabric of my office chair. Swapped out my chair with some dooshnozzle who didn't come in until late every morning the next day.
    HA ha, Olestra.... LOL.
    The FDA yanked that right quick ROFL.

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Not that much, really. Maybe my body is thrown off by my occasional bout of healthy food intake.

    I think the milk in my coffee isn't helping.



    I swear I am going to over-trust a fart one day in my cubicle and I will end up having to leave work early because I had to flush my underwear down the terlet.
    Yeah, I guess it doesn't take much of the offending food. For me, it's dried fruit. I turn into a gas bomb (distended abdomen, non-stop flatulence, etc.) if I eat even a small amount of dried fruit.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    HA ha, Olestra.... LOL.
    The FDA yanked that right quick ROFL.
    F8ckers where I used to work would slip those into "innocent" looking bags and place them in the break room - about poisoned the whole office...

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    I don't know how vegetarians do it.
    It can be tough some days.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Also for the record I am apparently too cheap to buy Gas-X.
    Wise, it doesn't help much with this.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Swapped out my chair with some dooshnozzle who didn't come in until late every morning the next day.
    LMAO

    to cover your tracks, hopefully you walked past his cube and said, "damn...take a shower b!tch"

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Did that one time . Remember those cholesterol free potato chips with Olestra or somethin like that? The grease that would just flow right through you? Yeah, well, ate some of those on an empty stomach at lunch time. Felt a fart coming on a bit later, and it was nothing but liquid grease. Had to sneak out of the office with greasy underpantaloons. Luckily I lived less than a mile from the office at the time. Damn grease even got a little in the fabric of my office chair. Swapped out my chair with some dooshnozzle who didn't come in until late every morning the next day.
    Yes!!!

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Had to sneak out of the office with greasy underpantaloons.

    did you then hand Richard Bonhomme a magazine?

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Wtf?

    So this is the price I pay for trying to clean sweep my colon - I turn into a walking, distended methane machine....wtf.

    I mean, the clean ghost poops are nice, but it gets old after the 3rd time before noon. I swear I going to the bathroom now just to fart - more so than my normal regimen.


    I don't know how vegetarians do it.
    Isn't this how Horshack went?

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