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Thread: Worst Place to be when you have to Poop

  1. #41
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    Stadium portapotty...what a nightmare, was smart enough to use the ladies one, tho...:-)...the chics on line were pissed

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFB View Post
    This is totally my thread. Just this past Thanksgiving weekend, I pooped at:
    Home Depot
    Babies R US
    Shop Rite
    and the Bus Station

    I don't know. There is something about pooping in strange places that my body just loves.
    I forgot that I took a dump at the local Raceway gas station on Wednesday. Can I count that as part of my weekend?

  3. #43
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    I've taken dumps at MSG and The Port Authority too.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Once I had to to an emergency pit stop at a gas station on the way to work; I was in no mans-land; too far away from the house, but nowhere near the office.

    I wasn't going to make it.

    So I violated this Exxon station whose bathroom door was way too close to the cashier/register inside. Busy morning, lots of people stopping in to get gas, coffee, smokes, etc. Flimsy door.

    The toilet was missing its lid, and the seat wasnt even bolted on, but at least there was toilet paper. This wasn't like easing a log into a pool, it was the loudest & smelliest dump to the point of being obnoxious. And of course nothing amplifies sound like sitting in a concrete & tile box.

    I finished as fast as I could, and did the walk of shame out of there, eyes on the floor. I knew the line of 7 people deep were just waiting to see what type of foul human being was capable of making such noises and olfactory violations. I was almost going to make a pity purchase as a small token of apologizing to the station owner for my scatological disaster, but thought better of it and just got the hell out of there.

    HAHAHAHA - Walk of shame! I have been there before!

  5. #45
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    Stuck riding ski lift that stops every 2 minutes. Then walking like frankenstein to restroom, pull down ski pants that only go inch below knees due to boots which squeeze butt cheeks together causing massive cleanup with sandpaper TP.

  6. #46
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    Getting flagged down in your crusier while zipping toward station because of condition praire dog. My eyes were watering as the woman began complaining about her neighbor's loud music...told her I had an emeregncy and hit the blue lights while she was still yammering. I ran into the bathroom bent over like a penguin with scoliosis.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatriotReign View Post
    Getting flagged down in your crusier while zipping toward station because of condition praire dog. My eyes were watering as the woman began complaining about her neighbor's loud music...told her I had an emeregncy and hit the blue lights while she was still yammering. I ran into the bathroom bent over like a penguin with scoliosis.
    If you pull someone over who is clearly and recklessly breaking the speed limit, and they explain through tears and gritted teeth that their bowels are seconds away from unleashing fire and brimstone on the upholstery of their car, do you let them go? Maybe even give them an escort to the nearest toilet?

  8. #48
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    A few months ago I had to blast one out at a Boston Fire House.

    Good times.

  9. #49
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    Marching in a parade in the high school band -- there is nowhere to go and you have to keep walking, which makes things worse!

    Fortunately, this wasn't me, but a friend of mine. Big trumpet player was in agony and had to wait until we finished the parade. Found a bathroom before getting back on the bus.

    I always ate only a little bit before marching -- I did not want to be walking uphill playing Stars and Stripes Forever whilst clenching butt cheeks.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFB View Post
    This is totally my thread. Just this past Thanksgiving weekend, I pooped at:
    Home Depot
    Babies R US
    Shop Rite
    and the Bus Station

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by PlumberKhan View Post
    I should probably eat that. I eat so poorly. Up until yesterday, I couldn't tell you the last time I had fruit unless you're counting pies.

  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonhomme Richard View Post
    If you pull someone over who is clearly and recklessly breaking the speed limit, and they explain through tears and gritted teeth that their bowels are seconds away from unleashing fire and brimstone on the upholstery of their car, do you let them go? Maybe even give them an escort to the nearest toilet?
    There is no one size sh!ts all answer for that one (see what I did there).

    No mercy if for #1 and I'd use discretion for people using the #2 defense. We can't give them police escorts to the nearest restroom or allow them to speed no matter how much I sympathize. The local media would have a field day if there was an accident of the non bowel variety and blame the cops for allowing and/or escorting a violator because they allegedly had to go poop.

    On an unrelated note no mercy for attractive women who think you're stupid enough to fall for their flirting it or anyone who cries.

  13. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFB View Post
    I should probably eat that. I eat so poorly. Up until yesterday, I couldn't tell you the last time I had fruit unless you're counting pies.
    God Bless America

  14. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by PlumberKhan View Post

  15. #55
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    Every time I have to make a significant presentation I get the butterflies/nerves dump about a half hour before the meeting. It's not conscious, my body just times it naturally, no matter what time of day the meeting happens to be occurring. So last week I have a huge presentation to make to the president of the company, in her office. It's about a half hour before the meeting and I'm going over my talking points and the usual nervous anticipation is kicking in, and I'm literally standing up to go to the john and her assistant appears in my doorway and says "she needs to see you now." A butt clinching moment made worse by the fact that I was already in a butt-clinching/walk to the bathroom mode. I was like "um, ok, no problem." Grabbed my stuff and started walking down the 50-yard hallway to her corner office. As I walked, I very carefully let the relief valve blow with every step -- literally every step -- of the 50-yard walk, being ever so careful not to sh:t myself. Nearing her doorway, I realized I must be dragging a wagon train of the most foul steaming egginess along with me, so I hung a quick right and let it disperse by doing a lap around the peons with cubicles. That extended continuous blast was enough to keep me from literally having to excuse myself and go take care of business in the middle of my presentation, but it was hard to keep my concentration during the presentation.

    Still, I crushed it.

  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1greenNUT View Post



    OH HOLY HELL

  17. #57
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  18. #58
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    Some goddess' tiny studio apartment while still in seduction mode. You take em out for dinner, head back to their place and BAM! Suddenly you're percolating.
    I always bail and try to tap dance my way out of it later. A toxic dump leaves a lasting impression.

  19. #59
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    Three minutes into halftime at a Jets game....

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by titanbuoy View Post
    Some goddess' tiny studio apartment while still in seduction mode. You take em out for dinner, head back to their place and BAM! Suddenly you're percolating.
    I always bail and try to tap dance my way out of it later. A toxic dump leaves a lasting impression.
    I think I saw a sitcom about this.

    GEORGE: Well, it's this little place with this little bathroom. It's like right there, you know, it's not even down a little hall or off in an alcove. You understand? There's no... buffer zone. So, we start to fool around, and it's the first time, and it's early in the going. And I begin to perceive this impending... intestinal requirement, whose needs are going to surpass by great lengths anything in the sexual realm. So I know I'm gonna have to stop. And as this is happening I'm thinking, even if I can somehow manage to momentarily... extricate myself from the proceedings and relieve this unstoppable force, I know that that bathroom is not gonna provide me with the privacy that I know I'm going to need...

    JERRY: This could only happen to you.

    GEORGE: So I finally stop and say, "Tatiana, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think it would be best if I left".

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