Hypothetical Conversation between Ray Lewis and Bart Scott
Scott calls Lewis.
L: Sup Dawg?
Scott: My dogs are barking, my back is killing me, and my team stinks, but you know how I roll.
L: Yeah slowly.
L: LOL. What's up with your QB?
S: We don't have one.
L: LOL. No for real, what's up with your QB? Why did it take Rex so long to swap out that whiny Mexican kid from Cali? Ya'll hittin' Rex in the head during practice?
S: I dunno, man. According to the Flacmaster our guy's doubly elite since he's got two AFC Championship losses.
L: True that I guess. At least your guy has his head up somebody else's ass aside from his own.
S: LOL. Oh **** dog, you just went there! Word, I peed my cup when that went down. How funny was that ish?
L: He said he was trying to slide. But that dude was trying to shove his head up Moore's butt.
S: Yeah no doubt. And to top it off he ruins our shutout the following week against the worst QB since........well him.
L: W's and L's my ass, both these clowns should be on our scout teams. They'd either retire or learn to play.
S: Back in the day, I'd agree man. I think my time is winding down, dog.
L: We all gotta call it quits at some point, Bart.
S: Well I ain't quittin until they tell me I'm done.
L: Word, but you are done, you know?
S: I know but man, they still payin' me!
L: CREAM baby, CREAM!
L: We got 'nother problem dude.
S: Oh yeah, what's up with that?
L: This guy on your team keep sending me signed Bibles and tellin' me to repent.
S: I told him to cut that crap out.
L: We got a plan. Goodell's in on it.
L: You ever heard of the 700 Club?
S: You mean that Robinson dude?
L: Yeah, Robertson. Well that dude is in with Goodell in a scheme called Tackle Fascism. What we're going to do, since the dude obviously can't throw, is stick him in a full Kevlar armor suit. We're gonna have your boy lower his holy shoulders and charge that Assad dude full speed. For every yard he is inside 100 of Assad without taking a bullet, we're going to donate 10,000 to the West Bank settlement construction effort.
S: Word? Really making a difference, now huh?
S: Can we ship the Elite guy and the Mexican with him, too?
S: So what we gonna do here?
L: Dog, I got a ring. I'm going to the hall. What are you expecting? I'm getting rid of one with Goody at least.
S: Well I have been making some moves.
L: You, making moves? LOL.
S: For real, dog. I been talking to your boy Carroll out in Seattle.
L: My boy? That dude's an *******.
S: That's the point. He said he wants to right a wrong and take back his "son."
L: Make sense, another ass to shove his head up.
L: I'd like one more ring, what about me? How we gonna do this?
S: For you it's easy. You just have to last until the end of the year then play one more. Then promise to come back if they don't resign Flacco. You ain't even gotta be crooked, Ray.
L: That ain't how a roll.
S: Well sometimes being straight is being crooked.
L: Never thought of it that way.
S: You have a good one bro. See you in two year's at Rex's for our retirement dinner.