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Thread: So Long Suckers Corporate Email Goodbye

  1. #1
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    So Long Suckers Corporate Email Goodbye

    Until a couple of years ago I worked for a Fortune 500 high tech company. Can't say the name (although possibly they're based in San Jose and it wouldn't surprise me if their name rhymes with a popular brand of cooking oil).

    Anyway, shortly before my own departure, this other guy whom I'd never met left the company and sent this farewell email to all 30,000+ employees. If you work in high tech, or for any megalomart corporation, you may get a kick out of it. This is the actual text. I just blanked out names. There's such a fine line between stupid and brilliant.
    __________________________________________________ _________

    ------ Forwarded Message
    From: "***** ***** (****)" <****@****.com>
    Date: Tue, 9 Nov 2010 07:05:28 -0600
    To: ***** ******** <*****@*****.com>
    Subject: FW: Goodbye

    This was sent to the entire US mailer. Apparently HR/IT intercepted/recalled
    most of them before a lot of folks got them. I got it forwarded. J

    Read it. It is pretty bad, but it’s a shame that somebody that was here that long
    and last year got an FY09 achiever award felt that way.


    Sent: Monday, November 08, 2010 1:37 PM
    To: *****-flame (mailer list)
    Subject: Fwd: Goodbye


    Now this is how you exit stage right....




    From: ******* ********(*********)
    Sent: Monday, November 08, 2010 12:59 PM
    To: sales-fed (mailer list); sales-eng (mailer list); sales-mgrs (mailer list); us-all (mailer list)
    Subject: Goodbye


    Well it is finally my turn to be sooo arrogant that I send a goodbye message to a HUGE alias thinking like more than 2 of them give a crap…wheeeeeeeeeeeee

    Also, after finishing reading this please “reply all” with your warmest wishes so once again the other 99.9% of the people who could care less about you or I and happen to be on this alias have to see how nice you are to my goodbye and maybe we can get a email spam thread going (reply all – please remove me from this list……reply all – STOP replying all….) that will crash *****’s servers. If nothing else, it always provides hilarity to the 40% of ***** that are still part of that saying on your badge “Quality Team”. Anyway, I am hoping it is 40%, I had my days especially the last 5 years or so, where I would see people like ***** ****** or *** ****** in place and think to myself…..nope we’ve gotten so big we are going for bottom 10% now.

    On to the goodbye:

    I have been at ***** for 16 years (6 days) </insert emotionally heartfelt goodbye, good feelings all around, and general good cheer here></end of bs>

    And really enjoyed 15 of them, really worked 8, maybe 12 depending on your work ethic, of them, really believed in ***** for 7.5 of them, really had some good times, but most importantly really met some great all around people, that helped to offset the buttheads I had to put up with other times, really wished HR never invented PC crap so people could have continued to call idiots…idiots; ooops I digress, we have a bigger HR than payroll staff so we all know where ***** “cares” about.

    Tuesday is my last day at *****. I can receive your emails to my personal account at: *****.*****@gmail.com or you can find me on facebook if you know me and have 2 brain cells to rub together.

    If you don’t know me, too bad you missed out on a great guy (mwhahahahahaha), if you do know me, I’m sorry you had to put up with me, if you knew me before I hit my 10 year anniversary at ***** and prior to the HR and PC jerkwads sucking all the fun or putting the FU in fun however you want to look at it, then we probably had some good times and feel free to contact me.

    Speaking of anniversaries, I would just like to take this moment to really thank ***** from the bottom of my heart for giving me 3 GIANT Marbles for 15 years of service, plus the huge plastic stand to go with them. You really let me know what I meant to the company with that one, and to whoever the nepotistic POS in HR is that got their uncle or cousin or whatever the monster paycheck for making giant balls for *****…..truly I wish you step in a pile of dog crap every day for a month!

    With that goodbye, adieu, auvedersain….ok don’t know how to spell the rest of them. I’m out

  2. #2
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    What a dick

  3. #3
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    Work with your company often... Always a shame when long tenured employees get shafted but I think someone his age should have sought a higher road...

  4. #4
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    HR won't plan your career.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by WestCoastOffensive View Post
    HR won't plan your career.
    Hmmm. Read it x times. Confess I have no idea what you mean.

  6. #6
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    Borgo's farewell was better.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    This is much better than the one from Crisco. However, neither would be up to the standards set in government - those are truly epic, and make these look very tame/lame.

  9. #9
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    San Jose? Sony Computer doesn't rhyme with Crisco?

    I always felt it best not to burn bridges and go out with class. But hey, that's just me. In a hundred years (or after 12-22, depending on what you believe) it won't matter anyway.


  10. #10
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    I read the title and thought Bushy was leaving JI.

    Color me disappointed.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by WestCoastOffensive View Post
    HR won't plan your career.
    I sometimes wonder about HR people. I had an interview at a local credit union and the HR person wore business attire and her tight skirt had a slit in it. During the interview, she had her leg folded under her, exposing her upper thigh through the slit. It was pretty distracting although I did my best to act like I didn't notice. I must've done a pretty good job b/c I didn't get called back.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by chesapeakejet View Post
    San Jose? Sony Computer doesn't rhyme with Crisco?

    I always felt it best not to burn bridges and go out with class. But hey, that's just me. In a hundred years (or after 12-22, depending on what you believe) it won't matter anyway.

    I picture you leaning a pun-filled, happy note. With sort of a Ned Flander's tone.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by FF2® View Post
    I read the title and thought Bushy was leaving JI.

    Color me disappointed.
    A bit much, even for you.


  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by FF2® View Post
    I picture you leaning a pun-filled, happy note. With sort of a Ned Flander's tone.
    We do have the same hair cut. I lost my moustache 14 years ago and only wear specs to read. I should wear them when I drive, but I don't as I'm content to drive like the Chowds in Beantown.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by BushyTheBeaver View Post
    Until a couple of years ago I worked for a Fortune 500 high tech company. Can't say the name (although possibly they're based in San Jose and it wouldn't surprise me if their name rhymes with a popular brand of cooking oil).

    Anyway, shortly before my own departure, this other guy whom I'd never met left the company and sent this farewell email to all 30,000+ employees. If you work in high tech, or for any megalomart corporation, you may get a kick out of it. This is the actual text. I just blanked out names. There's such a fine line between stupid and brilliant.
    __________________________________________________ _________

    ------ Forwarded Message
    From: "***** ***** (****)" <****@****.com>
    Date: Tue, 9 Nov 2010 07:05:28 -0600
    To: ***** ******** <*****@*****.com>
    Subject: FW: Goodbye

    This was sent to the entire US mailer. Apparently HR/IT intercepted/recalled
    most of them before a lot of folks got them. I got it forwarded. J

    Read it. It is pretty bad, but it’s a shame that somebody that was here that long
    and last year got an FY09 achiever award felt that way.


    Sent: Monday, November 08, 2010 1:37 PM
    To: *****-flame (mailer list)
    Subject: Fwd: Goodbye


    Now this is how you exit stage right....




    From: ******* ********(*********)
    Sent: Monday, November 08, 2010 12:59 PM
    To: sales-fed (mailer list); sales-eng (mailer list); sales-mgrs (mailer list); us-all (mailer list)
    Subject: Goodbye


    Well it is finally my turn to be sooo arrogant that I send a goodbye message to a HUGE alias thinking like more than 2 of them give a crap…wheeeeeeeeeeeee

    Also, after finishing reading this please “reply all” with your warmest wishes so once again the other 99.9% of the people who could care less about you or I and happen to be on this alias have to see how nice you are to my goodbye and maybe we can get a email spam thread going (reply all – please remove me from this list……reply all – STOP replying all….) that will crash *****’s servers. If nothing else, it always provides hilarity to the 40% of ***** that are still part of that saying on your badge “Quality Team”. Anyway, I am hoping it is 40%, I had my days especially the last 5 years or so, where I would see people like ***** ****** or *** ****** in place and think to myself…..nope we’ve gotten so big we are going for bottom 10% now.

    On to the goodbye:

    I have been at ***** for 16 years (6 days) </insert emotionally heartfelt goodbye, good feelings all around, and general good cheer here></end of bs>

    And really enjoyed 15 of them, really worked 8, maybe 12 depending on your work ethic, of them, really believed in ***** for 7.5 of them, really had some good times, but most importantly really met some great all around people, that helped to offset the buttheads I had to put up with other times, really wished HR never invented PC crap so people could have continued to call idiots…idiots; ooops I digress, we have a bigger HR than payroll staff so we all know where ***** “cares” about.

    Tuesday is my last day at *****. I can receive your emails to my personal account at: *****.*****@gmail.com or you can find me on facebook if you know me and have 2 brain cells to rub together.

    If you don’t know me, too bad you missed out on a great guy (mwhahahahahaha), if you do know me, I’m sorry you had to put up with me, if you knew me before I hit my 10 year anniversary at ***** and prior to the HR and PC jerkwads sucking all the fun or putting the FU in fun however you want to look at it, then we probably had some good times and feel free to contact me.

    Speaking of anniversaries, I would just like to take this moment to really thank ***** from the bottom of my heart for giving me 3 GIANT Marbles for 15 years of service, plus the huge plastic stand to go with them. You really let me know what I meant to the company with that one, and to whoever the nepotistic POS in HR is that got their uncle or cousin or whatever the monster paycheck for making giant balls for *****…..truly I wish you step in a pile of dog crap every day for a month!

    With that goodbye, adieu, auvedersain….ok don’t know how to spell the rest of them. I’m out
    I expected more.....

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaoulDuke View Post
    Borgo's farewell was better.
    Lol!



    Quote Originally Posted by AlwaysGreenAlwaysWhite View Post
    I think someone his age should have sought a higher road...
    Seems like a guy I worked with who relished smoking in his office, cursing like a sailor and making innappropriate comments to chicks...he's been stuck in the same spot for years past the point where he should have been promoted out of there...and is lucky to have a job honestly. He is an EEO/OSHA nightmare lawsuit waiting to happen...but I have no doubt he would blame the job if he ever got jammed up.



    (oh, and I loved the guy, he is a friggin p*sser, thanks Chief!)

    -

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by chesapeakejet View Post
    I sometimes wonder about HR people. I had an interview at a local credit union and the HR person wore business attire and her tight skirt had a slit in it. During the interview, she had her leg folded under her, exposing her upper thigh through the slit. It was pretty distracting although I did my best to act like I didn't notice. I must've done a pretty good job b/c I didn't get called back.
    You should have closed the door, thrown yourself at her and did her from behind.

    THAT would have been a hell of an interview.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by southparkcpa View Post
    You should have closed the door, thrown yourself at her and did her from behind.

    THAT would have been a hell of an interview.
    Or arrested and subsequently divorced, then ultimately living in a van down by the river eating gubmint cheese.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by chesapeakejet View Post
    Or arrested and subsequently divorced, then ultimately living in a van down by the river eating gubmint cheese.
    It's not as bad as you'd think.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by southparkcpa View Post
    You should have closed the door, thrown yourself at her and did her from behind.

    THAT would have been a hell of an interview.
    Quote Originally Posted by chesapeakejet View Post
    Or arrested and subsequently divorced, then ultimately living in a van down by the river eating gubmint cheese.

    Quote Originally Posted by PlumberKhan View Post
    It's not as bad as you'd think.





    -

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