I need to fake an illness to get out of a New Years Eve event....ideas?

[isired]

LSD flashback. You can only use it every couple of years, but it works every time. Especially if your wife ever watched The White Shadow. Wut?

[PlumberKhan]

+1

Although the amnesia thing is a stretch.

Lmao!

23.

Hope your holidays were good in Maricopaland


Sent from a phone using an app

[jetstream23]

Lmao!

23.

Hope your holidays were good in Maricopaland


Sent from a phone using an app

Thanks man, had a great holiday. Hope you did too!

[Dirtstar]

I remember I tried this in College when I had to work the weekends, it was really hard to get off and I got Basketball tix....Separate an egg yolk from the white...mix it up pretty good, then dab some in the eyelashes of one eye.

Let it dry.

Walk around kind of squinting that eye... and this is important...let her notice it and point it out.

Then, stab a screwdriver into your ass.


-

i think you meant to post this in JTs "going to phish" thread.



possibru

[JStokes]

And you guys scoffed at me when I acquired an cadaver leg for occasions just like this.

_

[Lone Star Lady]

And you guys scoffed at me when I acquired an cadaver leg for occasions just like this.

_

LOL


Welcome back, Stokes!


Only one more day of this miserable Jets season.

[crossfire]

Welcome back, Stokes!

He was gone?

[Big L]

So what's the verdict, Fish?

[PocketJet]

get a divorce??

[Fishooked]

you have a history of this kind of stuff, nothing you say will be believed.

Before you go, tell your wife you don't feel good. She will obviously tell you that you are a lying POS and make you go. Then you must sh*t your pants in the car on the way over, and when it happens say "Well are you satisfied now?!!"

Not a lot of fun, but better than going.

Well her car does have leather seats, that should help with the cleanup....I'll put this one in the 'maybe' column.

I remember I tried this in College when I had to work the weekends, it was really hard to get off and I got Basketball tix....Separate an egg yolk from the white...mix it up pretty good, then dab some in the eyelashes of one eye.

Let it dry.

Walk around kind of squinting that eye... and this is important...let her notice it and point it out.

Then, stab a screwdriver into your ass.


-

So, salmonella eye? Interesting.

I'm not sure sure where the screwdriver in the ass part fits in, although it could be used to relieve excess pressure. Still more pleasant than watching the Jets.

So what's the verdict, Fish?

Aye, the day is upon me and Ive barely done any research.
I'm thinking of simply not getting out of bed until maybe 11 or 12pm. This could backfire, as she could think that I am merely resting my liver.
But if I go to bed wearing several layers of clothes, muttering ''....ssssssso......ccccccold...." and pretend to fade in and out of consciousness....that could work.

[Fishooked]

get a divorce??

Something less expensive.

[Big L]

Something less expensive.

There's a reason divorces are so expensive.




They're worth it.

[Fishooked]

Update:

Well, I ended up going anyway. I didn't have to drive, so I just ended up getting hammered, and had a pretty decent time of it as well.

Turns out there that a few of the other wives husbands basically represented the entire Jets division - there was a Pats fan, a Dolphins fan, and even a Bills fan there. We sat there for hours and had civil, normal conversations about out teams - and it was actually a lot of fun.

I would be proud to call them Hampurites.
Now I have to get something for this hangover.

[Jets Things]

Update:

Well, I ended up going anyway. I didn't have to drive, so I just ended up getting hammered, and had a pretty decent time of it as well.

Turns out there that a few of the other wives husbands basically represented the entire Jets division - there was a Pats fan, a Dolphins fan, and even a Bills fan there. We sat there for hours and had civil, normal conversations about out teams - and it was actually a lot of fun.

I would be proud to call them Hampurites.
Now I have to get something for this hangover.

I got an egg sammich this morning and it has done nothing. Head throbbing, eyes hurt and pissing out muh butt.

[Fishooked]

All that egg sandwich is going to do is make your crap smell like eggs.

[crossfire]

The story would have had a much cooler ending if you guys all got hammered, began arguing and a fistfight ensued, finishing off with you being so drunk snd battered that you sh*t youself in the car on the ride home.

[Jets Things]

All that egg sandwich is going to do is make your crap smell like eggs.

I don't think what I've voided so far today could be considered "crap" per se. It's more like butt bisque.

[Fishooked]

The story would have had a much cooler ending if you guys all got hammered, began arguing and a fistfight ensued, finishing off with you being so drunk snd battered that you sh*t youself in the car on the ride home.

Aye, no crapping in cars was done last night.

[Jetworks]

Update:

Well, I ended up going anyway. I didn't have to drive, so I just ended up getting hammered, and had a pretty decent time of it as well.

Sorry I only thought of this when I opened this thread, but before I read your post. This was the best solution, glad it worked out for you.

[Fishooked]

Sorry I only thought of this when I opened this thread, but before I read your post. This was the best solution, glad it worked out for you.

The alcohol really helped. I initially thought I was going to be the designated driver, but at the last minute I found that I didn't have to drive.