Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 21 to 40 of 60

Thread: I need to fake an illness to get out of a New Years Eve event....ideas?

  1. #21
    Testicular gout.

  2. #22
    Schluberator & Gadfly ®
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    26,684
    Down one of these bad boys.


  3. #23
    Tell them that your speaking at a mens conference....

    and remember, ....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn_PSJsl0LQ

  4. #24
    wrestless legs?



  5. #25
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    742 Evergreen Terrace
    Posts
    11,428
    Drug your wife before the party, idiot.

  6. #26
    1. locate bee (ask Timmy for directions to his yard)

    2. allow bee to sting your tongue

    3. tell wife you can't go to party due to swollen tongue

    4. if she says you still have to go, let her know that any query regarding your swollen tongue will be answered with, "oh yeah, I got this from giving the wife too many Christmas rimjobs."

    5. ????

    6. profit!!

  7. #27
    All Pro
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Wildcat Country
    Posts
    5,018
    Can't you just tell your wife you don't want to go? And then have her make an excuse to your hosts that you have brochitis or something? ThAt seems like your best bet.

  8. #28
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Staten Island
    Posts
    8,964
    Quote Originally Posted by Dirtstar View Post
    wrestless legs?




    How about pleurisy?

  9. #29
    All Pro
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    In The Cone of Doom
    Posts
    7,096
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    I need something rock-solid here, not just my usual 'I dont feel so good, smell the bathroom for yourself' kind of illness.

    Every year its the same old drag at my wife's friends house, with a house full of kids that are hopped up on leftover sugar cookies and holiday desserts, and a bunch of adults that frankly I can't fake more than a couple hours worth of conversation topics with. One of us has to drive home and unfortunately I don't trust my wife so I usually take the sobriety bullet which exacerbates things.

    Ideas?
    Yeast infection?

  10. #30
    All Pro
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    In transit
    Posts
    6,192
    Anal Fistula. Very painful.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKKTezaKaIY


    Or you could try severe sinus infection mirroring a tooth infection. ( I actually have that now, it sucks)

  11. #31
    All Pro
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Alexandria, VA
    Posts
    7,252
    Butt chugging gone horribly wrong and/or advanced stage echolalia.

  12. #32
    I say you tell your wife you hurt your back lifting something heavy ... ice pack it away till she says no to going out

  13. #33
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Van down by the river
    Posts
    23,071
    Question is....are you looking for everyone to stay home or do you want to have the house to yourself?

    If the wife goes with the kiddos...then she isn't going to be able to drink. Which means she probably won't have that great of a nite and may not be so chipper, which will really kill your buzz that you started working on when she pulled out of the driveway.

    I'd make it so everyone stays home. Just pull the cables off the battery on the war wagon and "fix" it in the AM.

  14. #34
    All Pro
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Wildcat Country
    Posts
    5,018
    Quote Originally Posted by PlumberKhan View Post
    Question is....are you looking for everyone to stay home or do you want to have the house to yourself?

    If the wife goes with the kiddos...then she isn't going to be able to drink. Which means she probably won't have that great of a nite and may not be so chipper, which will really kill your buzz that you started working on when she pulled out of the driveway.

    I'd make it so everyone stays home. Just pull the cables off the battery on the war wagon and "fix" it in the AM.
    Or...take a cab to the party and back so you can both drink.

  15. #35
    Hall Of Fame
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    24,106
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    I need something rock-solid here, not just my usual 'I dont feel so good, smell the bathroom for yourself' kind of illness.

    Every year its the same old drag at my wife's friends house, with a house full of kids that are hopped up on leftover sugar cookies and holiday desserts, and a bunch of adults that frankly I can't fake more than a couple hours worth of conversation topics with. One of us has to drive home and unfortunately I don't trust my wife so I usually take the sobriety bullet which exacerbates things.

    Ideas?
    you have a history of this kind of stuff, nothing you say will be believed.

    Before you go, tell your wife you don't feel good. She will obviously tell you that you are a lying POS and make you go. Then you must sh*t your pants in the car on the way over, and when it happens say "Well are you satisfied now?!!"

    Not a lot of fun, but better than going.

  16. #36
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    JetsInsider.com Legend
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    Location
    Westchester Co.
    Posts
    38,491
    Start walking around the house backwards today... by Monday you should be in the clear as the latest case of backwards walking cheerleader disease.

    You're welcome

    Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk 2

  17. #37
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    JetsInsider.com Legend

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    The depths of Despair.
    Posts
    40,365
    I remember I tried this in College when I had to work the weekends, it was really hard to get off and I got Basketball tix....Separate an egg yolk from the white...mix it up pretty good, then dab some in the eyelashes of one eye.

    Let it dry.

    Walk around kind of squinting that eye... and this is important...let her notice it and point it out.

    Then, stab a screwdriver into your ass.


    -

  18. #38
    Hall of Fame
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    Posts
    16,434
    Take 6 viagra. Your wife is not taking you to a party with a night long raging boner.

  19. #39
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Jets Stadium Section 246
    Posts
    36,888
    Split personality disorder. Or, amnesia from a recent head injury obtained during a watermelon eating competition.

  20. #40
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Jets Stadium Section 246
    Posts
    36,888
    Quote Originally Posted by jetstream23 View Post
    Split personality disorder. Or, amnesia from a recent head injury obtained during a watermelon eating competition.
    +1

    Although the amnesia thing is a stretch.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Follow Us