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Thread: I need to fake an illness to get out of a New Years Eve event....ideas?

  1. #1
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    I need to fake an illness to get out of a New Years Eve event....ideas?

    I need something rock-solid here, not just my usual 'I dont feel so good, smell the bathroom for yourself' kind of illness.

    Every year its the same old drag at my wife's friends house, with a house full of kids that are hopped up on leftover sugar cookies and holiday desserts, and a bunch of adults that frankly I can't fake more than a couple hours worth of conversation topics with. One of us has to drive home and unfortunately I don't trust my wife so I usually take the sobriety bullet which exacerbates things.

    Ideas?

  2. #2
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    Ipecac.

  3. #3
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    Concussion

  4. #4
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    Butthurt

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by crossfire View Post
    Butthurt
    It's obvious I already have that just need to come up with something convincing. Maybe I can pretend to take a fall off the roof or something...

  6. #6
    Yep, I vote for concussion too

    Wait, she's onto the bathroom trick?
    what now what now ....
    toothache!

  7. #7
    Anal Glaucoma.

    Just tell your boss:
    I can't see my ass coming to work today.

    S/he will give you off just for the ingenuity.

    You're welcome.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Ideas?
    Intermittent Ebola©.

    Leave specks of a blood like substance. Spend time in the can. COme out, do some pushups, go uh oh, and run back into the can spreading bloodlets.

    It covers teh "you're cured one second after midnight" part.

    -

  9. #9
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    Jumping Frenchmen of Maine

    http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/j...chmen-of-maine

    Jumping Frenchmen of Maine
    Important
    It is possible that the main title of the report Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is not the name you expected.

    Disorder Subdivisions

    None
    General Discussion

    Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is an extremely rare disorder characterized by an unusually extreme startle reaction. The startle reaction is a natural occurrence. It is the normal, rapid, involuntary response to a sudden or unexpected stimulus (e.g., a sudden noise or sight). The exact cause of jumping Frenchmen of Maine is unknown. One theory is that the disorder occurs because of an extreme conditioned response to a particular situation influenced by cultural factors. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine was first identified during the late nineteenth century in Maine and the Canadian province of Quebec among an isolated population of lumberjacks of French Canadian descent. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is one of a group of culturally specific similar disorders, the startle-matching syndromes, which have been described from various parts of the world. The relationship among these disorders is unknown.

  10. #10
    go skiing or air softing on sunday. It can't be that hard to hurt yourself. Go to the doctor and get some vicodine for your injury and you'll be too wacked out to go anywhere on Monday night.
    Last edited by nyahay bus; 12-28-2012 at 12:02 AM.

  11. #11
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    fake a migraine-like headache with dizziness -- you'll need to lie down and rest in quiet until it goes away -- probably sometime after the event starts and it's too late to go

  12. #12
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    My son has a stomach virus, he's not puking just explosive diarrhea, I can send you a spoon to lick and just take some immodioum AD.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by crossfire View Post
    Jumping Frenchmen of Maine

    http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/j...chmen-of-maine

    Jumping Frenchmen of Maine
    Important
    It is possible that the main title of the report Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is not the name you expected.

    Disorder Subdivisions

    None
    General Discussion

    Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is an extremely rare disorder characterized by an unusually extreme startle reaction. The startle reaction is a natural occurrence. It is the normal, rapid, involuntary response to a sudden or unexpected stimulus (e.g., a sudden noise or sight). The exact cause of jumping Frenchmen of Maine is unknown. One theory is that the disorder occurs because of an extreme conditioned response to a particular situation influenced by cultural factors. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine was first identified during the late nineteenth century in Maine and the Canadian province of Quebec among an isolated population of lumberjacks of French Canadian descent. Jumping Frenchmen of Maine is one of a group of culturally specific similar disorders, the startle-matching syndromes, which have been described from various parts of the world. The relationship among these disorders is unknown.
    This!

    No doubt about it.

    Gotta go with this.

  14. #14
    I went paint balling the day before a friends wedding... Couldn't (well, could have but yeah...) get out of bed to make it. Used it twice since.

    Good luck.

  15. #15
    I change my vote to Jumping Frenchmen of Maine!

  16. #16
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    Try the corn in your penis routine.

    Ask JT for the specifics.

  17. #17
    Try a dose if iocaine powder. I'd bet my life on it.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by frostlich View Post
    Try a dose if iocaine powder. I'd bet my life on it.
    What if he's spent years building up an immunity to that?

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lone Star Lady View Post
    fake a migraine-like headache with dizziness -- you'll need to lie down and rest in quiet until it goes away -- probably sometime after the event starts and it's too late to go
    Ahh, the old fake a headache trick. Causing blue balls for millennia.

  20. #20
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    Tell her it's lasting longer than 4 hours and you don't have any baggy trousers.

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