Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 41 to 60 of 60

Thread: I need to fake an illness to get out of a New Years Eve event....ideas?

  1. #41
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    Location
    nyc
    Posts
    11,618
    LSD flashback. You can only use it every couple of years, but it works every time. Especially if your wife ever watched The White Shadow. Wut?

  2. #42
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Van down by the river
    Posts
    22,954
    Quote Originally Posted by jetstream23 View Post
    +1

    Although the amnesia thing is a stretch.
    Lmao!

    23.

    Hope your holidays were good in Maricopaland


    Sent from a phone using an app

  3. #43
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ (Jets Stadium Section 246)
    Posts
    36,391
    Quote Originally Posted by PlumberKhan View Post
    Lmao!

    23.

    Hope your holidays were good in Maricopaland


    Sent from a phone using an app


    Thanks man, had a great holiday. Hope you did too!

  4. #44
    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    I remember I tried this in College when I had to work the weekends, it was really hard to get off and I got Basketball tix....Separate an egg yolk from the white...mix it up pretty good, then dab some in the eyelashes of one eye.

    Let it dry.

    Walk around kind of squinting that eye... and this is important...let her notice it and point it out.

    Then, stab a screwdriver into your ass.


    -
    i think you meant to post this in JTs "going to phish" thread.



    possibru

  5. #45
    Hall Of Fame
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Bergen County, NJ
    Posts
    20,115
    And you guys scoffed at me when I acquired an cadaver leg for occasions just like this.

    _

  6. #46
    Veteran
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    TX via MA via CT
    Posts
    2,221
    Quote Originally Posted by JStokes View Post
    And you guys scoffed at me when I acquired an cadaver leg for occasions just like this.

    _
    LOL


    Welcome back, Stokes!


    Only one more day of this miserable Jets season.

  7. #47
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Long Island, NY
    Posts
    7,286
    Quote Originally Posted by Lone Star Lady View Post
    Welcome back, Stokes!
    He was gone?

  8. #48
    All League
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    It's all relative
    Posts
    3,694
    So what's the verdict, Fish?

  9. #49
    All League
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Bayonne, NJ
    Posts
    2,911
    get a divorce??

  10. #50
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    凸(⊙▂⊙✖ )
    Posts
    31,647
    Quote Originally Posted by Timmy® View Post
    you have a history of this kind of stuff, nothing you say will be believed.

    Before you go, tell your wife you don't feel good. She will obviously tell you that you are a lying POS and make you go. Then you must sh*t your pants in the car on the way over, and when it happens say "Well are you satisfied now?!!"

    Not a lot of fun, but better than going.
    Well her car does have leather seats, that should help with the cleanup....I'll put this one in the 'maybe' column.


    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    I remember I tried this in College when I had to work the weekends, it was really hard to get off and I got Basketball tix....Separate an egg yolk from the white...mix it up pretty good, then dab some in the eyelashes of one eye.

    Let it dry.

    Walk around kind of squinting that eye... and this is important...let her notice it and point it out.

    Then, stab a screwdriver into your ass.


    -

    So, salmonella eye? Interesting.

    I'm not sure sure where the screwdriver in the ass part fits in, although it could be used to relieve excess pressure. Still more pleasant than watching the Jets.


    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    So what's the verdict, Fish?
    Aye, the day is upon me and Ive barely done any research.
    I'm thinking of simply not getting out of bed until maybe 11 or 12pm. This could backfire, as she could think that I am merely resting my liver.
    But if I go to bed wearing several layers of clothes, muttering ''....ssssssso......ccccccold...." and pretend to fade in and out of consciousness....that could work.

  11. #51
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    凸(⊙▂⊙✖ )
    Posts
    31,647
    Quote Originally Posted by PocketJet View Post
    get a divorce??
    Something less expensive.

  12. #52
    All League
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    It's all relative
    Posts
    3,694
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Something less expensive.
    There's a reason divorces are so expensive.




    They're worth it.

  13. #53
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    凸(⊙▂⊙✖ )
    Posts
    31,647
    Update:

    Well, I ended up going anyway. I didn't have to drive, so I just ended up getting hammered, and had a pretty decent time of it as well.

    Turns out there that a few of the other wives husbands basically represented the entire Jets division - there was a Pats fan, a Dolphins fan, and even a Bills fan there. We sat there for hours and had civil, normal conversations about out teams - and it was actually a lot of fun.

    I would be proud to call them Hampurites.
    Now I have to get something for this hangover.

  14. #54
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    742 Evergreen Terrace
    Posts
    11,272
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Update:

    Well, I ended up going anyway. I didn't have to drive, so I just ended up getting hammered, and had a pretty decent time of it as well.

    Turns out there that a few of the other wives husbands basically represented the entire Jets division - there was a Pats fan, a Dolphins fan, and even a Bills fan there. We sat there for hours and had civil, normal conversations about out teams - and it was actually a lot of fun.

    I would be proud to call them Hampurites.
    Now I have to get something for this hangover.
    I got an egg sammich this morning and it has done nothing. Head throbbing, eyes hurt and pissing out muh butt.

  15. #55
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    凸(⊙▂⊙✖ )
    Posts
    31,647
    All that egg sandwich is going to do is make your crap smell like eggs.

  16. #56
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Long Island, NY
    Posts
    7,286
    The story would have had a much cooler ending if you guys all got hammered, began arguing and a fistfight ensued, finishing off with you being so drunk snd battered that you sh*t youself in the car on the ride home.

  17. #57
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    742 Evergreen Terrace
    Posts
    11,272
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    All that egg sandwich is going to do is make your crap smell like eggs.
    I don't think what I've voided so far today could be considered "crap" per se. It's more like butt bisque.

  18. #58
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    凸(⊙▂⊙✖ )
    Posts
    31,647
    Quote Originally Posted by crossfire View Post
    The story would have had a much cooler ending if you guys all got hammered, began arguing and a fistfight ensued, finishing off with you being so drunk snd battered that you sh*t youself in the car on the ride home.



    Aye, no crapping in cars was done last night.

  19. #59
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Staten Island
    Posts
    8,913
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    Update:

    Well, I ended up going anyway. I didn't have to drive, so I just ended up getting hammered, and had a pretty decent time of it as well.
    Sorry I only thought of this when I opened this thread, but before I read your post. This was the best solution, glad it worked out for you.

  20. #60
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    凸(⊙▂⊙✖ )
    Posts
    31,647
    Quote Originally Posted by Jetworks View Post
    Sorry I only thought of this when I opened this thread, but before I read your post. This was the best solution, glad it worked out for you.
    The alcohol really helped. I initially thought I was going to be the designated driver, but at the last minute I found that I didn't have to drive.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Follow Us