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Thread: Unemployed jagass

  1. #1
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    Unemployed jagass

    Interviewed a bunch of candidates for a key writing position today. Last guy shows up without any writing samples. He clearly hadn't done his homework on our company. Didn't bring along any extra printed copies of his resume. Judging from his suit and his flop sweat, I think he was serious about wanting the job. Nonetheless, he was wasting my time, and I wasn't happy about it. So I worked some additional questions into my usual interview script:

    -- "If you were a dinosaur, which one would you be?" "Why?" (When he finally stammered a confused answer to this one, I just stared at him for like 10 seconds.)

    -- "Tell me about the worst boss you've ever worked for." (He had no problem answering this one.) Then I said "Let's say I'm him. Tell me - I mean him - why I should hire you for this job." I almost larfed out loud at the "wtf?" balloon over his head

    -- "What's the second toughest challenge you faced at your last job?" Slight twist on a standard interview question had him looking at my ceiling tiles mumbling 'um....second toughest?....um'

    -- "Describe yourself using one-syllable words." When he started blurting out words, I said "In a sentence." This is where he couldn't really suppress the "you mf-er" look on his face any more


    Friggin deek. GTFO out of my office.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by shakin318 View Post
    Interviewed a bunch of candidates for a key writing position today. Last guy shows up without any writing samples. He clearly hadn't done his homework on our company. Didn't bring along any extra printed copies of his resume. Judging from his suit and his flop sweat, I think he was serious about wanting the job. Nonetheless, he was wasting my time, and I wasn't happy about it. So I worked some additional questions into my usual interview script:

    -- "If you were a dinosaur, which one would you be?" "Why?" (When he finally stammered a confused answer to this one, I just stared at him for like 10 seconds.)

    -- "Tell me about the worst boss you've ever worked for." (He had no problem answering this one.) Then I said "Let's say I'm him. Tell me - I mean him - why I should hire you for this job." I almost larfed out loud at the "wtf?" balloon over his head

    -- "What's the second toughest challenge you faced at your last job?" Slight twist on a standard interview question had him looking at my ceiling tiles mumbling 'um....second toughest?....um'

    -- "Describe yourself using one-syllable words." When he started blurting out words, I said "In a sentence." This is where he couldn't really suppress the "you mf-er" look on his face any more


    Friggin deek. GTFO out of my office.

    So you won't be bringing Tom Gamble back for another interview?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by shakin318 View Post

    -- "Describe yourself using one-syllable words." When he started blurting out words, I said "In a sentence."


    .
    So if his answer was, "I hate smug deeks like you," would you have hired him?

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    In any job I've ever interviewed for, resume and writing samples are submitted by the applicant to HR in advance of interviews. Then it's the responsibility of HR to distribute copies of those documents internally to interviewers. Now it might have been wise of him to carry copies (to compensate for your company's apparent shoddy approach to interviewing). And if he didn't research your company a prep then that's a big strike. Still, if you go into an interview without having first obtained a copy of the applicant's resume that's on you.
    Last edited by BushyTheBeaver; 01-10-2013 at 04:45 AM.

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    Key writing position? What is it you do here, exactly?


    I've written some gems here in the Hampur. Still hiring? What's the salary?

  7. #7
    If I'm this guy I'd send you some free Zorb tickets in my follow up "thanks for the opportunity" letter.

  8. #8
    Did he wear black jeans to the interview?

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    Quote Originally Posted by BushyTheBeaver View Post
    In any job I've ever interviewed for, resume and writing samples are submitted by the applicant to HR in advance of interviews. Then it's the responsibility of HR to distribute copies of those documents internally to interviewers. Now it might have been wise of him to carry copies (to compensate for your company's apparent shoddy approach to interviewing). And if he didn't research your company a prep then that's a big strike. Still, if you go into an interview without having first obtained a copy of the applicant's resume that's on you.
    If you're applying for a creative/marketing writing position and you dont a) show up with your "book," or b) have your "book" online, you are a fool. Of course I had seen his resume, and had marked up the hell out of it -- I knew more about him than he knew about us. You ALWAYS bring printed copies of your resume to an interview, it's idiotic and lazy not to. It's a basic rule -- like making sure to wear a suit for your phone interview.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Key writing position? What is it you do here, exactly?


    I've written some gems here in the Hampur. Still hiring? What's the salary?
    +1

    I'll take 108g's, a leased car, phone and yearly incentive bonus's.

    I'll write all kinds of crap about that **** you peddle.

    When do I start, COrky.



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  11. #11
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    That was you?!

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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    +1

    I'll take 108g's, a leased car, phone and yearly incentive bonus's.

    I'll write all kinds of crap about that **** you peddle.

    When do I start, COrky.



    -
    Shakin, I'm your writer, not this 32G hack (although when I get the job, I'll be consulting with you, 32G).

    I'll start for 107g, a leased 2003 Honda Civic, a trac phone, and a regular yearly bonus based on how many hours I work, not how well I do my job.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    +1

    I'll take 108g's, a leased car, phone and yearly incentive bonus's.

    I'll write all kinds of crap about that **** you peddle.

    When do I start, COrky.



    -
    SAR?

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big L View Post
    Shakin, I'm your writer, not this 32G hack (although when I get the job, I'll be consulting with you, 32G).

    I'll start for 107g, a leased 2003 Honda Civic, a trac phone, and a regular yearly bonus based on how many hours I work, not how well I do my job.
    +1, I'll stay home and send in print-outs of Hampur posts with your crappy product clumsily inserted into them, and you'll like it for 8 g's.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jets Things View Post
    SAR?
    DOnt bother trying to Linkdn me, I will consider that Aggravated Harassment and notify the authorities. You have been warned.

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  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    +1, I'll stay home and send in print-outs of Hampur posts with your crappy product clumsily inserted into them, and you'll like it for 8 g's.

    -
    Consider it done.

    Now we just wait for word from the Big Guy in black jeans.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by shakin318 View Post
    If you're applying for a creative/marketing writing position and you dont a) show up with your "book," or b) have your "book" online, you are a fool. Of course I had seen his resume, and had marked up the hell out of it -- I knew more about him than he knew about us. You ALWAYS bring printed copies of your resume to an interview, it's idiotic and lazy not to. It's a basic rule -- like making sure to wear a suit for your phone interview.
    I haven't brought paper resumes to an interview since buying my own domain and having it online and instantly downloadable.

    How fast can you download resumes with that 300 baud modem of yours, Jedediah?


    In other news: how could you NOT have posted which dinosaur he picked and why he chose it??!?!

  17. #17
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    It's amazing how unprepared people are when they come for jobs. I am usually hiring laborers and interviews can be strange. I have had people come in and tell me that they only want the job for a few weeks, I have had guys come in suits with resumes that show that they have never done a lick of physical labor in their lives, guys that smell like they haven't bathed since... well... ever.

    One of my favorites was a guy that came in. I told him I recognized him and he said that he had applied for the job two years earlier. He had the qualifications and I said I wasn't sure why I hadn't hired him when he came the first time.

    He said that it was because he didn't have a car and there were no busses that could get him to work on time.

    So I asked, "And you have a way to get to work on time now?"

    He replied, "No."

  18. #18
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    If I ever go for a job in graphics I am simply going to give them the URL to the Funny Pic Thread.

    There is my resume, *****es!

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by shakin318 View Post
    Interviewed a bunch of candidates for a key writing position today. Last guy shows up without any writing samples. He clearly hadn't done his homework on our company. Didn't bring along any extra printed copies of his resume. Judging from his suit and his flop sweat, I think he was serious about wanting the job. Nonetheless, he was wasting my time, and I wasn't happy about it. So I worked some additional questions into my usual interview script:

    -- "If you were a dinosaur, which one would you be?" "Why?" (When he finally stammered a confused answer to this one, I just stared at him for like 10 seconds.)

    -- "Tell me about the worst boss you've ever worked for." (He had no problem answering this one.) Then I said "Let's say I'm him. Tell me - I mean him - why I should hire you for this job." I almost larfed out loud at the "wtf?" balloon over his head

    -- "What's the second toughest challenge you faced at your last job?" Slight twist on a standard interview question had him looking at my ceiling tiles mumbling 'um....second toughest?....um'

    -- "Describe yourself using one-syllable words." When he started blurting out words, I said "In a sentence." This is where he couldn't really suppress the "you mf-er" look on his face any more


    Friggin deek. GTFO out of my office.
    Diabolically hilarious beyond words. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your devious scam, especially as it transpired in a real world setting.

    F**king brilliant, shakin.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post

    I'll write all kinds of crap about that **** you peddle.

    -
    Shakin: We want a blockbuster on scissors and where the f*** they go. Got anything?

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