Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 32

Thread: EPIC sorority sister rant

  1. #1
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    Posts
    5,504

    EPIC sorority sister rant

    Via Deadspin (the JI profanity filter won't let me post the link). The setup: a really unpopular sorority is paired up with a cool frat during Greek Week, and one of the chapter leaders in the sorority is sick of being embarassed by her pathetic sisters, so she pens the following scathing email:

    If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough ****ing ride.

    For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been ****ING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so ****ing AWKWARD and so ****ing BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee [first name redacted], I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to ****ing find you on campus to do it myself.

    I do not give a flying ****, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying ****, about how much you ****ing love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the ****ing year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I ****ing repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that's not ****ing possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE ****ING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE ****ING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE ****ING SUCK SO FAR.

    This also applies to you little ****s that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people ****ing retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE **** WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a **** if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do ****ing NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

    "But [first name redacted]!", you say in a whiny little ***** voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID ****ING ASS HATS, IT ****ING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW ****ING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ****ING UP AT SOBER ****ING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being ****ing WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid ****s and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not ****ing funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. ****ing. Team. ARE YOU ****ING STUPID?!! I don't give a **** about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU ****ING BLIND? Or are you just so ****ing dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the Greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE ****ING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR ****ING MATCHUP. I will ****ing **** punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a **** if you SOR me, I WILL ****ING ASSAULT YOU.

    "Ohhh, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird **** that does weird **** during the day, this following message is for you:

    DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

    I'm not ****ing kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not ****ing awkward than 80 that are ****ing faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't ****ing show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to ****ing God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

    And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a ****. Go **** yourself.

    -[Last name redacted]

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    Posts
    5,504
    Here's the chick in question http://jezebel.com/tweets-from-the-d...itte-476337771



    Rebecca Martinson at U of Maryland's DG chapter. She's pretty cute, and clearly has a lot of rage. And also shot any chance at a post-graduate job to hell.

  4. #4
    Practice Squad
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Barcelona Catalunya
    Posts
    471
    Wait..... What? Who is surprised by this. This is Ameruca at its best!

    Slutty chicks fighting each other to represent the alpha mega beta wanna dic in ma mouth.

    It prepairs them for life.

    Wanna job? Go suck a di(.

    P.S I love that she surrounds herself with ugly . Girls got tact.
    Last edited by WestCoastOffensive; 04-19-2013 at 02:13 AM.

  5. #5
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    JetsInsider.com Legend

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    The depths of Despair.
    Posts
    39,973
    Quote Originally Posted by Bonhomme Richard View Post
    pretty cute, and clearly has a lot of rage. And also shot any chance at a post-graduate job to hell.
    First of all, I know what she needs. It would take that rage away real quick and I have it in my hand right now.








    My shrink's phone number.



    Second, I thinks she's got alot of leadership potential exemplified by "you stupid cocks".

    lol


    -

  6. #6
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    Posts
    5,504
    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    First of all, I know what she needs. It would take that rage away real quick and I have it in my hand right now.








    My shrink's phone number.



    Second, I thinks she's got alot of leadership potential exemplified by "you stupid cocks".

    lol


    -
    HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME??? cracked me up.

  7. #7
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    JetsInsider.com Legend

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    The depths of Despair.
    Posts
    39,973
    Quote Originally Posted by Bonhomme Richard View Post
    HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME??? cracked me up.
    I like her spunk, but how many of us have said that before entering into marriage and getting mercilessly deballed and gutted like field rabbits.

    I mean......except for your marriage, that should be great.

    -

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Bonhomme Richard View Post
    Here's the chick in question http://jezebel.com/tweets-from-the-d...itte-476337771



    Rebecca Martinson at U of Maryland's DG chapter. She's pretty cute, and clearly has a lot of rage. And also shot any chance at a post-graduate job to hell.
    Cute, bold, and ambitious. I think she'll be alright. Last time I checked, men still do some of the hiring in the business world.

  9. #9
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    Posts
    5,504
    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    I like her spunk, but how many of us have said that before entering into marriage and getting mercilessly deballed and gutted like field rabbits.

    I mean......except for your marriage, that should be great.

    -











  10. #10
    Board Moderator
    Jets Insider VIP
    JetsInsider.com Legend

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    The depths of Despair.
    Posts
    39,973
    Quote Originally Posted by Bonhomme Richard View Post











    lol

  11. #11
    All League
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    It's all relative
    Posts
    3,562
    Sounds like that whole greek life is a lot of fun.

  12. #12
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    great midwest -well not so great
    Posts
    8,977
    F*ck Rex Ryan

    I'd follow Rebecca Martinson to the gates of hell!!!!!

  13. #13
    Meh...you've read one Tom Brady meltdown email you've read them all.

  14. #14
    32 Green's posts in this thread are outstanding. Should be a like button on JI.

  15. #15
    All Pro
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Alexandria, VA
    Posts
    7,222
    She's vaguely cute because she's 20, but she'll age poorly. Not nearly hot enough to pull off the thunder**** act in any case.

  16. #16
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    LI
    Posts
    20,408
    ah, to be a dumass young college kid that thinks the topic of this rant is so important.

    I'd love to see her emails after working in government for a few years.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    ah, to be a dumass young college kid that thinks the topic of this rant is so important.

    I'd love to see her emails after working in government for a few years.
    Hey man, frat life and matching were the topics of our lives back at Uni. When it's a well recognized school, it is actually a very big plus to have Greeks on your CV.

    However, I can see why this girl was part of the unpopar sorority. I mean...have you seen her picture?

  18. #18
    Jets Insider VIP
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    LI
    Posts
    20,408
    Quote Originally Posted by greenwichjetfan View Post
    Hey man, frat life and matching were the topics of our lives back at Uni. When it's a well recognized school, it is actually a very big plus to have Greeks on your CV.

    However, I can see why this girl was part of the unpopar sorority. I mean...have you seen her picture?
    length of her rant + amount of asterisks + ASS HATS really being 1 word?

    priorities all wrong. but she is very do-able.

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    length of her rant + amount of asterisks + ASS HATS really being 1 word?

    priorities all wrong. but she is very do-able.
    Tomato; Tomahto. UMD sorority chicks were hotter when I used to visit college park. It seems they'll just let any uggo in nowadays.

  20. #20
    I knew I should have gone to college.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Follow Us