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Thread: bathroom at work "problem"

  1. #1
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    bathroom at work "problem"

    So we all know and agree that using wipies is the poor man's bidet; or in Internet terms, like getting rimmed by a unicorn. Since I wanted to experience that uber-fresh feeling if I had to take a screaming, warp core breach type of dump at work, I'd need some wipies.

    But I don't want to bring the whole pack of wipies into the bathroom. So I got a ziplock bag, put one in the bag, and stuffed that in my pocket. I've been doing this since March.

    Only problem is taking the ziplock bag out of my pocket, unzipping it, taking the wipie out, then stuffing the empty bag back into my pocket, hopefully making no noise. I wondered if people could hear the noise, and if so, what they thought was going on.

    Today I found out.

    All 4 stalls occupied, dead silence. I'm first out, washed up, an annoying co-worker corners me outside in the hallway. Tells me he's been hearing something strange, think someone has a bag of hash and is smoking in the stall.

    I panic. And I just listen to his theory. Then I get an idea.

    I tell him I've heard the same thing, but if it was hash, wouldn't you smell it? He says "oh yeah". (what a ****ing brain surgeon. )

    I tell him its probably a bag of cocaine, and that I've seen a white powdery substance on the floor once or twice. I say I have no idea who it is, but that he should look for someone who looks messed up after lunch every day.



    He says he has at least 5-6 suspects, but he's going to get to the bottom of it.

    I'm not sure where I can take this prank from here. Suggestions?

  2. #2
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    First of all, wipes?

    The work bathroom with their industrial strength terlets is one of your few opportunities you have to use as much TP as you want without causing major cloggage. Use the flushing power to your advantage.

    Secondly,

    You should bring in some powdered sugar and sprinkle some on the floor at some point.

    If there is a coke fiend in your office, it probably won't stay there long until

    ( :shudder: )

    someone tastes it to see if it really is blow.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    So we all know and agree that using wipies is the poor man's bidet; or in Internet terms, like getting rimmed by a unicorn. Since I wanted to experience that uber-fresh feeling if I had to take a screaming, warp core breach type of dump at work, I'd need some wipies.

    But I don't want to bring the whole pack of wipies into the bathroom. So I got a ziplock bag, put one in the bag, and stuffed that in my pocket. I've been doing this since March.

    Only problem is taking the ziplock bag out of my pocket, unzipping it, taking the wipie out, then stuffing the empty bag back into my pocket, hopefully making no noise. I wondered if people could hear the noise, and if so, what they thought was going on.

    Today I found out.

    All 4 stalls occupied, dead silence. I'm first out, washed up, an annoying co-worker corners me outside in the hallway. Tells me he's been hearing something strange, think someone has a bag of hash and is smoking in the stall.

    I panic. And I just listen to his theory. Then I get an idea.

    I tell him I've heard the same thing, but if it was hash, wouldn't you smell it? He says "oh yeah". (what a ****ing brain surgeon. )

    I tell him its probably a bag of cocaine, and that I've seen a white powdery substance on the floor once or twice. I say I have no idea who it is, but that he should look for someone who looks messed up after lunch every day.



    He says he has at least 5-6 suspects, but he's going to get to the bottom of it.

    I'm not sure where I can take this prank from here. Suggestions?
    Get some flour and leave remnants on the bathroom floor. Then start leaving it in obvious places. Bring someone else in on the prank and have the co-worker convey his fears. Then leave some flour on the co-workers desk and have the third guy "find it" and accuse the co-worker of being the cokehead.

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    No summer doldrums for you.


    Use baking soda,


    - Timmy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    First of all, wipes?
    Did you not read the 1st paragraph?

    wipies >>>> 2rolls of sandpaper-like industrial TP

    just because we're at work doesn't mean we have to live like savages


    PS: I like the baking soda idea

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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    Did you not read the 1st paragraph?

    wipies >>>> 2rolls of sandpaper-like industrial TP

    just because we're at work doesn't mean we have to live like savages


    PS: I like the baking soda idea
    I skimmed it, Im in between conference calls at the moment

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    Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings....

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    Get some Cetaphil cleanser and leave a squirt on the bottom of the stall door, then tell this buffoon you think someone is jerking off in the stalls whilst bumping lines.

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    Wrong approach to the wipes situation, as evidenced by the presence of your other 3 dumpeteers. When I'm throwing down I want the room to myself. I have a family size pack of wipes the size of a brick in my top drawer. When the coffee kicks in I head for the lav carrying that thing like a football for everyone to see. They know the deal, and I own the place for as long as it takes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    So we all know and agree that using wipies is the poor man's bidet; or in Internet terms, like getting rimmed by a unicorn. Since I wanted to experience that uber-fresh feeling if I had to take a screaming, warp core breach type of dump at work, I'd need some wipies.

    But I don't want to bring the whole pack of wipies into the bathroom. So I got a ziplock bag, put one in the bag, and stuffed that in my pocket. I've been doing this since March.

    Only problem is taking the ziplock bag out of my pocket, unzipping it, taking the wipie out, then stuffing the empty bag back into my pocket, hopefully making no noise. I wondered if people could hear the noise, and if so, what they thought was going on.

    Today I found out.

    All 4 stalls occupied, dead silence. I'm first out, washed up, an annoying co-worker corners me outside in the hallway. Tells me he's been hearing something strange, think someone has a bag of hash and is smoking in the stall.

    I panic. And I just listen to his theory. Then I get an idea.

    I tell him I've heard the same thing, but if it was hash, wouldn't you smell it? He says "oh yeah". (what a ****ing brain surgeon. )

    I tell him its probably a bag of cocaine, and that I've seen a white powdery substance on the floor once or twice. I say I have no idea who it is, but that he should look for someone who looks messed up after lunch every day.



    He says he has at least 5-6 suspects, but he's going to get to the bottom of it.

    I'm not sure where I can take this prank from here. Suggestions?
    Tell him it was a smokeless pipe and sell him a bag of oregano, and start doing hash under glass. Better yet start doing more drugs.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    Did you not read the 1st paragraph?

    wipies >>>> 2rolls of sandpaper-like industrial TP

    just because we're at work doesn't mean we have to live like savages


    PS: I like the baking soda idea
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl7u-mZbcUU

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by PlumberKhan View Post
    Was wondering where that was going.

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    getting rimmed by an unicorn isn't quite as heavenly as one might think.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    First of all, wipes?
    The pvssification of Merica continues.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    I skimmed it, Im in between conference calls at the moment
    lol, your turn to hold the string?

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    Quote Originally Posted by shakin318 View Post
    Wrong approach to the wipes situation, as evidenced by the presence of your other 3 dumpeteers. When I'm throwing down I want the room to myself. I have a family size pack of wipes the size of a brick in my top drawer. When the coffee kicks in I head for the lav carrying that thing like a football for everyone to see. They know the deal, and I own the place for as long as it takes.
    This - nut up Q

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by shakin318 View Post
    Wrong approach to the wipes situation, as evidenced by the presence of your other 3 dumpeteers. When I'm throwing down I want the room to myself. I have a family size pack of wipes the size of a brick in my top drawer. When the coffee kicks in I head for the lav carrying that thing like a football for everyone to see. They know the deal, and I own the place for as long as it takes.
    Mark always delivers with common-sense commentary.

    Do what you need to do. Your taking in wipes shows that you mean business but are hygienic about it. My tools of the trade are more discreet by nature (Just a Drop or travel-sized spray), but I make no apologies for natural bodily functions.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by shakin318 View Post
    Wrong approach to the wipes situation, as evidenced by the presence of your other 3 dumpeteers. When I'm throwing down I want the room to myself. I have a family size pack of wipes the size of a brick in my top drawer. When the coffee kicks in I head for the lav carrying that thing like a football for everyone to see. They know the deal, and I own the place for as long as it takes.
    You don't worry about stoolies?

  19. #19
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    I say tell him you suspect a terrorist spreading anthrax

    Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    First of all, wipes?

    The work bathroom with their industrial strength terlets is one of your few opportunities you have to use as much TP as you want without causing major cloggage. Use the flushing power to your advantage.
    One wipe does what an entire roll of TP can't.....actually leave you with a ****-free arse.

    You should bring in some powdered sugar and sprinkle some on the floor at some point.

    If there is a coke fiend in your office, it probably won't stay there long until

    ( :shudder: )

    someone tastes it to see if it really is blow.
    Brilliance!

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