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Thread: Hutts on a train

  1. #1
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    Hutts on a train

    As some of you may know, any Babylon train is full of freaks and weirdos, and I try to avoid them at all costs. Sure, on other trains on that line, like Freeport or Wantagh, you've got your fair share of Rockville Centre azzclowns with their Kenmore attitudes, and dooshes from Merrick and Bellmore, but once you include mutants from beyond Wantagh...well, the **** really hits the fan!

    Twice in the last month, someone weighing over 300 lbs has tried to sit next to me on the train. Not in a 3seater; a 2 seater! When they ask "Can I get in there?", I usually say "I doubt it".

    Yesterday, this brontosaurus falls into the seat, not unlike th epicture below, and pins me against the window.



    So I look at him, and say "****ing seriously?!" and he says "what?"

    When I told him he was taking up 2 seats, he denies it. That's when I called him Jabba, got up, and found another seat at the other end of the car.

    This is a nice little trick these Hutts pull to get 2 seats to themselves. ****ERS. They should have to buy 2 seats.

  2. #2
    Fatties need lovin too.

  3. #3
    Careful. The fattys are lightning quick...for the first 5 feet. If they get hold of you you're toast.

  4. #4
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    If u were'nt such a mamby pamby about the butt wipes maybe they'd fear u more....

  5. #5
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    I thought this was going to be about a train football game.

    I stopped taking public transportation years ago when someone rested their sweaty belly on my back on the subway. I chased him away and never returned.

    Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

  6. #6
    I'm 6'5 and 380 pounds. I don't take public transportation generally. Being huge is quite un-fun in such places.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Churchill View Post
    I'm 6'5 and 380 pounds. I don't take public transportation generally. Being huge is quite un-fun in such places.
    Have you ever skitched?

    I'm imagining the bus doing a wheelie


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    As some of you may know, any Babylon train is full of freaks and weirdos, and I try to avoid them at all costs. Sure, on other trains on that line, like Freeport or Wantagh, you've got your fair share of Rockville Centre azzclowns with their Kenmore attitudes, and dooshes from Merrick and Bellmore, but once you include mutants from beyond Wantagh...well, the **** really hits the fan!

    Twice in the last month, someone weighing over 300 lbs has tried to sit next to me on the train. Not in a 3seater; a 2 seater! When they ask "Can I get in there?", I usually say "I doubt it".

    Yesterday, this brontosaurus falls into the seat, not unlike th epicture below, and pins me against the window.



    So I look at him, and say "****ing seriously?!" and he says "what?"

    When I told him he was taking up 2 seats, he denies it. That's when I called him Jabba, got up, and found another seat at the other end of the car.

    This is a nice little trick these Hutts pull to get 2 seats to themselves. ****ERS. They should have to buy 2 seats.
    Thats my train line, but having sampled others, it is hardly unique in its eejit passengers.

    I've done the bovine ditch many a time muttering jeebus Christ and shaking my head theatrically as I squeeze past the offending lardpile. The radiant heat from their swollen limbs and giant heads like the sun off an August NY sidewalk.



    The one and only time I upgraded to first class on a plane (as I'm sure I detailed here previously), I was happily sitting in one of a two seat combo, marvelling over the seat roominess and legroom, when from behind I suddenly heard the slow thumping and hoof dragging of a crature, the heaving breaths of which sounded like a giant bellows in a Steel mill....then the shadow overtook me and the thumping stopped... and I knew....I KNEW it was gazing upon me, waiting for me to acknowledge its need to collapse into the seat beside me.

    I turned beet red and stared straight ahead as the sweat began to bead on my forehead. "Keep trodding ahead" I pleaded silently in my head, studiously and fruitlessly ignoring the beast.

    Jo Jo the behemoth was going nowhere... and announced in a silky baby voice, produced no doubt by lard -slathered vocal chords, that I was in its seat.

    An awfuller feeling...I knew I couldnt switch seats...a five hour flight...fml omg.

    I defeatedly moved over and it plopped beside me, ham hocky arms a foot into my space and pressed into my own arms.

    The fetid stank of unwashed and long ignored folds of blubber-stuffed flesh washing over me like the first step into the morgue for a rookie cop.

    Stifling the urge to projectile vomit, I willed myself smaller and retreated into my mind like a captive in a dark cell...the only alternative a full blown panic attack.

    I knew somewhere my wife was smiling as she had questioned the need for the upgrade.

    FU JO JO

    -

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    ...I turned beet red...
    I thought you were black?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    As some of you may know, any Babylon train is full of freaks and weirdos, and I try to avoid them at all costs. Sure, on other trains on that line, like Freeport or Wantagh, you've got your fair share of Rockville Centre azzclowns with their Kenmore attitudes, and dooshes from Merrick and Bellmore, but once you include mutants from beyond Wantagh...well, the **** really hits the fan!

    Twice in the last month, someone weighing over 300 lbs has tried to sit next to me on the train. Not in a 3seater; a 2 seater! When they ask "Can I get in there?", I usually say "I doubt it".

    Yesterday, this brontosaurus falls into the seat, not unlike th epicture below, and pins me against the window.



    So I look at him, and say "****ing seriously?!" and he says "what?"

    When I told him he was taking up 2 seats, he denies it. That's when I called him Jabba, got up, and found another seat at the other end of the car.

    This is a nice little trick these Hutts pull to get 2 seats to themselves. ****ERS. They should have to buy 2 seats.




    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Thats my train line, but having sampled others, it is hardly unique in its eejit passengers.

    I've done the bovine ditch many a time muttering jeebus Christ and shaking my head theatrically as I squeeze past the offending lardpile. The radiant heat from their swollen limbs and giant heads like the sun off an August NY sidewalk.



    The one and only time I upgraded to first class on a plane (as I'm sure I detailed here previously), I was happily sitting in one of a two seat combo, marvelling over the seat roominess and legroom, when from behind I suddenly heard the slow thumping and hoof dragging of a crature, the heaving breaths of which sounded like a giant bellows in a Steel mill....then the shadow overtook me and the thumping stopped... and I knew....I KNEW it was gazing upon me, waiting for me to acknowledge its need to collapse into the seat beside me.

    I turned beet red and stared straight ahead as the sweat began to bead on my forehead. "Keep trodding ahead" I pleaded silently in my head, studiously and fruitlessly ignoring the beast.

    Jo Jo the behemoth was going nowhere... and announced in a silky baby voice, produced no doubt by lard -slathered vocal chords, that I was in its seat.

    An awfuller feeling...I knew I couldnt switch seats...a five hour flight...fml omg.

    I defeatedly moved over and it plopped beside me, ham hocky arms a foot into my space and pressed into my own arms.

    The fetid stank of unwashed and long ignored folds of blubber-stuffed flesh washing over me like the first step into the morgue for a rookie cop.

    Stifling the urge to projectile vomit, I willed myself smaller and retreated into my mind like a captive in a dark cell...the only alternative a full blown panic attack.

    I knew somewhere my wife was smiling as she had questioned the need for the upgrade.

    FU JO JO

    -


    If you had a blog I would totally subscribe.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Thats my train line, but having sampled others, it is hardly unique in its eejit passengers.

    I've done the bovine ditch many a time muttering jeebus Christ and shaking my head theatrically as I squeeze past the offending lardpile. The radiant heat from their swollen limbs and giant heads like the sun off an August NY sidewalk.



    The one and only time I upgraded to first class on a plane (as I'm sure I detailed here previously), I was happily sitting in one of a two seat combo, marvelling over the seat roominess and legroom, when from behind I suddenly heard the slow thumping and hoof dragging of a crature, the heaving breaths of which sounded like a giant bellows in a Steel mill....then the shadow overtook me and the thumping stopped... and I knew....I KNEW it was gazing upon me, waiting for me to acknowledge its need to collapse into the seat beside me.

    I turned beet red and stared straight ahead as the sweat began to bead on my forehead. "Keep trodding ahead" I pleaded silently in my head, studiously and fruitlessly ignoring the beast.

    Jo Jo the behemoth was going nowhere... and announced in a silky baby voice, produced no doubt by lard -slathered vocal chords, that I was in its seat.

    An awfuller feeling...I knew I couldnt switch seats...a five hour flight...fml omg.

    I defeatedly moved over and it plopped beside me, ham hocky arms a foot into my space and pressed into my own arms.

    The fetid stank of unwashed and long ignored folds of blubber-stuffed flesh washing over me like the first step into the morgue for a rookie cop.

    Stifling the urge to projectile vomit, I willed myself smaller and retreated into my mind like a captive in a dark cell...the only alternative a full blown panic attack.

    I knew somewhere my wife was smiling as she had questioned the need for the upgrade.

    FU JO JO

    -


    tl;dr

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Thats my train line, but having sampled others, it is hardly unique in its eejit passengers.

    I've done the bovine ditch many a time muttering jeebus Christ and shaking my head theatrically as I squeeze past the offending lardpile. The radiant heat from their swollen limbs and giant heads like the sun off an August NY sidewalk.



    The one and only time I upgraded to first class on a plane (as I'm sure I detailed here previously), I was happily sitting in one of a two seat combo, marvelling over the seat roominess and legroom, when from behind I suddenly heard the slow thumping and hoof dragging of a crature, the heaving breaths of which sounded like a giant bellows in a Steel mill....then the shadow overtook me and the thumping stopped... and I knew....I KNEW it was gazing upon me, waiting for me to acknowledge its need to collapse into the seat beside me.

    I turned beet red and stared straight ahead as the sweat began to bead on my forehead. "Keep trodding ahead" I pleaded silently in my head, studiously and fruitlessly ignoring the beast.

    Jo Jo the behemoth was going nowhere... and announced in a silky baby voice, produced no doubt by lard -slathered vocal chords, that I was in its seat.

    An awfuller feeling...I knew I couldnt switch seats...a five hour flight...fml omg.

    I defeatedly moved over and it plopped beside me, ham hocky arms a foot into my space and pressed into my own arms.

    The fetid stank of unwashed and long ignored folds of blubber-stuffed flesh washing over me like the first step into the morgue for a rookie cop.

    Stifling the urge to projectile vomit, I willed myself smaller and retreated into my mind like a captive in a dark cell...the only alternative a full blown panic attack.

    I knew somewhere my wife was smiling as she had questioned the need for the upgrade.

    FU JO JO

    -

    "offending lardpile"

  13. #13
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    that's what you get for flying Stay-Puft airlines..or was that United

    too bad you dint have poison ivy then

    should have stuck to your own kind on Aer Lingus, youd have that problem licked

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    As some of you may know, any Babylon train is full of freaks and weirdos, and I try to avoid them at all costs. Sure, on other trains on that line, like Freeport or Wantagh, you've got your fair share of Rockville Centre azzclowns with their Kenmore attitudes, and dooshes from Merrick and Bellmore, but once you include mutants from beyond Wantagh...well, the **** really hits the fan!

    Twice in the last month, someone weighing over 300 lbs has tried to sit next to me on the train. Not in a 3seater; a 2 seater! When they ask "Can I get in there?", I usually say "I doubt it".

    Yesterday, this brontosaurus falls into the seat, not unlike th epicture below, and pins me against the window.



    So I look at him, and say "****ing seriously?!" and he says "what?"

    When I told him he was taking up 2 seats, he denies it. That's when I called him Jabba, got up, and found another seat at the other end of the car.

    This is a nice little trick these Hutts pull to get 2 seats to themselves. ****ERS. They should have to buy 2 seats.
    I took the train from Babylon to NY for 10 years. The Babylon line is probably about average. Want to slum it??? Take the Ronkonkoma line "Deer park, Brentwood, CI" get the picture?

    I tell people everyday that I commuted door to door 2 hrs each way for 10 years. They shake their heads. Now my commute is 5 minutes, no fatties . Hang in there dude.


    Why was FF2 on the Babylon train?

  15. #15
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    LOL!! 32!!!! "it's seat"

    Quantum, are you the poster who always had fat chicks hitting on him?? chubby chaser???

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Thats my train line, but having sampled others, it is hardly unique in its eejit passengers.

    I've done the bovine ditch many a time muttering jeebus Christ and shaking my head theatrically as I squeeze past the offending lardpile. The radiant heat from their swollen limbs and giant heads like the sun off an August NY sidewalk.



    The one and only time I upgraded to first class on a plane (as I'm sure I detailed here previously), I was happily sitting in one of a two seat combo, marvelling over the seat roominess and legroom, when from behind I suddenly heard the slow thumping and hoof dragging of a crature, the heaving breaths of which sounded like a giant bellows in a Steel mill....then the shadow overtook me and the thumping stopped... and I knew....I KNEW it was gazing upon me, waiting for me to acknowledge its need to collapse into the seat beside me.

    I turned beet red and stared straight ahead as the sweat began to bead on my forehead. "Keep trodding ahead" I pleaded silently in my head, studiously and fruitlessly ignoring the beast.

    Jo Jo the behemoth was going nowhere... and announced in a silky baby voice, produced no doubt by lard -slathered vocal chords, that I was in its seat.

    An awfuller feeling...I knew I couldnt switch seats...a five hour flight...fml omg.

    I defeatedly moved over and it plopped beside me, ham hocky arms a foot into my space and pressed into my own arms.

    The fetid stank of unwashed and long ignored folds of blubber-stuffed flesh washing over me like the first step into the morgue for a rookie cop.

    Stifling the urge to projectile vomit, I willed myself smaller and retreated into my mind like a captive in a dark cell...the only alternative a full blown panic attack.

    I knew somewhere my wife was smiling as she had questioned the need for the upgrade.

    FU JO JO

    -
    I just read this to my wife; hilarious...thanks for the vacation; can't wait to get back again.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2milehighJet View Post
    LOL!! 32!!!! "it's seat"

    Quantum, are you the poster who always had fat chicks hitting on him?? chubby chaser???
    Wasn't that Caltron? I've had a few, but it wasn't "always".

    Unfortunately, I have a baby face that says "abuse me!" all over it.


    Kind of surprised no one commented on my "mutants east of Wantagh" line.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by quantum View Post
    Wasn't that Caltron? I've had a few, but it wasn't "always".

    Unfortunately, I have a baby face that says "abuse me!" all over it.


    Kind of surprised no one commented on my "mutants east of Wantagh" line.
    I'm in NJ, I don't get the outrage.

    But f uck the train main I couldn't deal with shi thands that early in the day.
    The brontosaurus line had me rolling though.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fishooked View Post
    I'm in NJ, I don't get the outrage.

    But f uck the train main I couldn't deal with shi thands that early in the day.
    The brontosaurus line had me rolling though.
    Not a perfect analogy: whilst raw tonnage was the same, Jabba did not have the bronto's long slender neck. Quite the opposite, he had the proverbial "more chins than a Chinese phonebook".

  20. #20
    Hey, at least they don't have to watch the gap.

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