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Thread: Woman kills three for X-BOX in Chicago Walmart...

  1. #1
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    Woman kills three for X-BOX in Chicago Walmart...

    A woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Chicago-area Wal-Mart in order to secure the store's last X-Box One.

    Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver.

    The victim's names have not yet been released, but are said to include a sociology student at Northwestern University, a chemistry teacher at at local high school and a young pregnant woman buying a system for her brother.

    Robbins fled the scene and was apprehended at home hours later after police identified her license plates on the store's surveillance camera. Although many are shocked by the senseless violence, the alleged perpetrator is unrepentant.

    "Of course I'd do it all over again," Robbins proclaimed from a Cook County jail cell. "My little Dustin is going to have an X-Box for Christmas this year. No one can take that away from him. Not even the police.


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    "Shopping isn't a hobby for me, it's a war. So I have to spend a little time behind bars. So what? I didn't punk out. I fought hard for my family, and I'm proud of that."

    X-Box Dead

    Today's incident of shopping violence comes on the heels of what experts are describing as the deadliest Black Friday weekend ever. All across the country people are dying at an increased pace. This year will drastically exceed last years death totals for this Holiday season.

    “The figures we are looking at this Thanksgiving are incredible unnerving… and this data is just from Thursday night. We only use to have to worry about Friday," said FBI Specialist Harry Carry.

    “We had six people trampled to death at the Best buy, four at the Bed Bath Beyond, and two fatal stabbings at Wal-Mart,” said Miami police spokesman Sgt. James Loftus.

    Inside a local Target, the crazed shoppers had lost what was rest of their minds. “We came outside and the Quiznos was burnt to the ground by angry shoppers. I think the Target had ran out of some kind of toaster,” said a shopper who wished not to be named because she was supposed to be bailing out her boyfriend who had punched another shopper over a set of soup ladles.

    A witness says an old lady beat a kid with her purse in order to get the last toothbrush holder.

    “I don’t even have real teeth anymore and have no need for such an item but it was over 35 percent off. I might be old but I’m not dumb, of course I will take advantage of that deal,” says 88-year-old Margaret Robinson.

    According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.

    “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.

    One shopper, Sami Zayn, described the day as "chaos" and went on to say, "Thanksgiving used to be about fighting with your family, not other shoppers."

  2. #2
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    According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.

    “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.



    This got to be BS

  3. #3
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    Is this from The Onion?

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    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by jackhuntr View Post
    According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.

    “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.



    This got to be BS
    its gotta be

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    That's the Christmas spirit.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 2foolish197 View Post
    "Of course I'd do it all over again," Robbins proclaimed from a Cook County jail cell. "My little Dustin is going to have an X-Box for Christmas this year. No one can take that away from him. Not even the police.

    Bless his heart and eff the pohleeze

    wut

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackhuntr View Post


    This got to be BS
    Never mind that......would you be interested in buying my bridge?



    -
    Last edited by 32green; 12-04-2013 at 01:55 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Never mind that......would be interested in buying my bridge?



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    at least you don't have to worry about getting shanked for those Billy Joel tickets.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jetswin View Post
    at least you don't have to worry about getting shanked for those Billy Joel tickets.
    Ha ha..this has now followed me to two different threads.

    What gives.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Ha ha..this has now followed me to two different threads.

    What gives.
    billy joel...lol...

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    Quote Originally Posted by jetswin View Post
    at least you don't have to worry about getting shanked for those Billy Joel tickets.
    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Ha ha..this has now followed me to two different threads.

    What gives.

    x-pollination ftw!

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    FBI Agent Harry Carry. LOL.

  14. #14
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    Why spend time sharpening a phillips head when you got....


    oh I don't know...



    knives?




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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Never mind that......would you be interested in buying my bridge?



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    you mean the one in Allentown, by Elvis Presley BLVD???

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    Quote Originally Posted by FF2® View Post
    Why spend time sharpening a phillips head when you got....


    oh I don't know...



    knives?




    nothing says im going to ****ing straight up murder your azz like a makeshift prison shank screwdriver in broad daylight

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    Quote Originally Posted by thebigragu View Post
    nothing says im going to ****ing straight up murder your azz like a makeshift prison shank screwdriver in broad daylight
    What I was thinkin...

    Pull a gun, a knife- whatever.

    But see someone coming at you with a filed down philips head screwdriver in PUBLIC....
    Shlt in the pants!

  18. #18
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    prolly an x-box cutter

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    Quote Originally Posted by jackhuntr View Post
    According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.

    “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.


    This got to be BS
    Ya think? Besides, why would you need to sharpen a Phillips head screwdriver? Those bastards are pretty sharp already.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green View Post
    Never mind that......would you be interested in buying my bridge?



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    Suspension of disbelief... its not like the zombies are doing a song and dance routine.

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