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Thread: How about this speech?

  1. #1
    Hall Of Fame
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    L.I. NY (where the Jets used to be from)

    My fellow Americans:
    As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been
    completed. Since congress does not want to spend any
    more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is

    This morning I gave the order for a complete removal
    of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be
    complete within 30 days.

    It is now time to begin the reckoning.

    Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
    names of countries which have stood by our side during
    the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United
    Kingdom, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
    some of the countries listed there.

    The other list contains everyone not on the first
    list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My
    press secretary will be distributing copies of both
    lists later this evening.

    Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
    foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases
    immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during
    the first year alone will pretty much pay for the
    costs of the Iraqi war.

    The American people are no longer going to pour money
    into third world hell-holes and watch those government
    leaders grow fat on corruption.

    Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
    Call France.

    In the future, together with Congress, I will work to
    redirect this money toward solving the vexing social
    problems we still have at home.

    On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw
    with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you
    and all your friends from the face of the earth.
    Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try
    France, or maybe China.

    To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.
    Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David
    is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for
    negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big
    tables, too.

    I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
    relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for
    all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as
    well. Bon chance, mes amis.

    I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
    towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
    Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites
    where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
    crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains
    to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your
    precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to
    some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New

    A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2.
    Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each
    other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off

    for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox
    and his entire corrupt government really need an
    attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and
    infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm
    gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing
    something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United
    States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.

    It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and
    its own citizens. Some will accuse us of SEPARATISM.

    I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century
    of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
    world has only earned us the undying enmity of just
    about everyone on the planet.

    It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time
    to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to
    eliminate World Cup soccer from America.

    To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks
    guys. We owe you.

    To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Good Luck.

    God bless America.

    Thank you and good night.

  2. #2 Legend
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    that would be awesome - probably would be enough for me to vote Bush.

  3. #3
    All League
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    ...without World Cup Soccer what would insomniacs use to fall asleep?

  4. #4
    Hall Of Fame
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    L.I. NY (where the Jets used to be from)
    Originally posted by AlbanyJet@Apr 28 2004, 04:22 PM
    ...without World Cup Soccer what would insomniacs use to fall asleep?
    Hey Albany,

    No offense but having Suozzi on the front page of with a headline about being overtaxed is pretty much an oxymoron.

    Since entering office Suozzi has simply shifted political patronage and raised taxes. (oh and hired criminals)

    How is he the poster boy for fixing anything?

  5. #5
    All League
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Piper, you raise valid points and I know Suozzi doesn't fool many Nassau County residents with this web site.

    Thing is, our state government is so f'd up the way they do business that I guess anything can help.

    Our NYS legislature and senate are both completely useless most of the time and need Fixing.

    GO JETS!!!

  6. #6
    Hall Of Fame
    Charter JI Member

    Join Date
    May 1999
    L.I. NY (where the Jets used to be from)
    I couldn't agree more. Patacki sold out LI with the LILCO bailout and about the only thing he brought to the table was that he wasn't Mario Cuomo, who was a fiscal disaster. Nothing has changed in Albany and it is a truly bi-partisan effort that keeps that boondoggle going.

    The best choice in recent years probably would have been McCall, but he could never get support from either party because of all the gamesmanship going on up there.


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