A white haired man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a
beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for a special ring for my
girlfriend," he said. The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out
a very nice ring priced at $5,000."I don't think you understand ... I
want something very unique," he said.
At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe.
"Here's one stunning ring at $40,000."* The girl's eyes sparkled, and
the man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?"
"I'll pay by check, but of course the bank would want to make sure that
everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the
tomorrow. Then I'll come in and pick up the ring on Monday."
Monday morning a very ticked off jeweler phones the man. " You flake,
you lied, there's no money in that account."
"I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?"
You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine
on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the
cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she"
always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi
while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs
upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be
empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband
will be out soon." He's just going upstairs to say good-bye
to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry
I took so long," he says, as they drive away.
"Stupid ***** was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her
with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to
wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But
it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her
out into the back yard!"