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Thread: Funny Dolphin Fan Cries His Heart Out in a "Letter"

  1. #1
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    Funny Dolphin Fan Cries His Heart Out in a "Letter"

    Saw this on finheaven, pretty funny.

    "My Letter to the Miami Dolphins Sent Today"

    Dear Miami Dolphins Administration/Coaching Staff:

    The Browns are going to beat our *****.

    This may come as a startling pronouncement, but I hope that red alarms and sirens went off at Dolphins’ headquarters (the “Fincave,” if you will) as you read that. I will even write it in bold print just to make sure you got it: If things do not markedly improve between now and October 14th, the Browns are going to beat our *****.

    I know that we have excuses for the putrid state of the team this year. Ricky Williams, and Nick Saban both took their best shots at ruining the franchise. Rick Spielman didn’t do us any favors when he drafted Eddie Moore over Anquan Boldin and traded a second-rounder for A.J. Feeley. Jason Allen is, well, he’s Jason Allen.

    (And who would have ever thought that performing a physical exam on Daunte Culpepper’s and Joey Porter’s knees would be a good idea? Ha! I guess you live and you learn.)

    My wife and I watch this team week in and week out. The only things more apparent than Keith Traylor’s imminent and unavoidable cardiac arrest are that the once proud defensive players have quit (who can blame them?), Dom Capers has become more concerned about his stylish toupee than two-man blitz packages, and that it makes no sense to pick Ted Ginn (and his family) with pick #9, yet give him three snaps per game on offense.

    All of my friends’ teams are doing really well this year. The Steelers look on pace to contend in the AFC North. The Broncos look good now, but have an even brighter future. The Redskins are even a surprise. What about the Dolphins? Well, the Browns are probably going to beat our *****.

    I will say this: if we are going to be bad, let’s go all out and be really bad. If we are so-so bad or just mildly repugnant bad, then we will have to go and draft tiny little Steve Slaton, who will probably be eaten like a baby by Vince Wilfork.

    Nope. If I am going to have to suffer through this abomination each Sunday, we need to be Darren McFadden bad. I will go ahead and call this “Superbad.”

    So, this leaves us with two options: 1) Get better by benching sorry-*** Traveres Tillman, sending Jason Allen into exile to Elba, sifting the sand out of Ted Ginn’s pants that apparently slows him down so much in games, and somehow getting Ronnie Brown to quit smiling and start dominating; OR 2) Make Jason Allen a starting corner, call repeated pass plays that Chris Chambers can drop, and keep Lorenzo Booker inactive in order to cement our Superbad status.

    Regrettably, I fear that no matter what path we choose we will still lose to the Patriots by 168 points…

    And the Browns will still beat our *****.

    Thank You for your Time,

  2. #2
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    "I hope that red alarms and sirens went off at Dolphins’ headquarters (the “Fincave,” if you will) as you read that.":


  3. #3
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    I dont see why he cares they were undefeated 35 years ago.

  4. #4
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    Thats too funny! I will go ahead and call this " Superbad "

  5. #5
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    I think this could be a nightmare year for Phins fans:

    1. They may not win

    2. NE may be undefeated and win the SB

  6. #6
    And this is the team that was a fashionable super bowl pick a year ago.

  7. #7
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    This is hilarius id hate to see the Pats go undefeted

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by JETS_for_life
    All of my friends’ teams are doing really well this year.



  9. #9
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    Wow!! I thought I took it hard when the Jets lose.

  10. #10
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    Fellas, I dont think that letter will appear so funny at the end of OUR season...We barely beat those poor guys!

    We've got ourselves a nice dose of 1-2, same ole Jets going on here.

    Get out the paper and pens, lads......

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by 32green
    Fellas, I dont think that letter will appear so funny at the end of OUR season...We barely beat those poor guys!

    We've got ourselves a nice dose of 1-2, same ole Jets going on here.

    Get out the paper and pens, lads......
    ouch.

    Hard to argue with this post.

    Still, if the Jets do what they are supposed to this Sunday, they will leave the first quarter of the year at 2-2. Then the second quarter becomes the focus.

  12. #12
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    Very funny stuff. Almost feel bad for the guy.

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